This is something that has been weighing on me, and I think this community will understand what I’m going through. I didn’t start collecting house plants until college. Then like everyone else my collection grew during Covid. They were a big help for me mentally. I give my plants names and their like little friends to me. I also took to rescuing plants in bad shape from Home Depot or other garden centers. But I’ve always struggled with depression. I would go through small spurts of not watering them because of it. So that’s why I stuck to succulents. But recently I’ve gotten worse. The spurts were gaps and gaps turned to months. I use to be the proud mama to 40 plants. I now roughly have 15. And I don’t know what’s wrong with my brain. I’ve had conversations with my therapist about it. I don’t know if it’s self sabotage. Self loathing. But it’s now become a struggle to care for the things I love the most. It hurts. Some of the plants I lost I had for years. I just wish I could magically fix my brain. A piece of me wants more plants but how can I welcome more lives to this hot mess? So to the other people struggling out there I feel for you.
by xSkollx
16 Comments
I hope one day you can pull through this and feel good. I had a low period and used taking care of my plants as a way to take care of myself. A friend suggested I name one of my plants after myself and to keep him alive. That plant is now my biggest joy and so is my life. We don’t have to let our illness get the better of us
I also went through a deep struggle with my depression for probably about 9/10 months. My plants all died because I hadn’t watered them. Only recently have I felt better about life and have decided to try again! I have started with succulents. I’m slowly getting back into the groove of watering them. You can get through this! You are so strong.
this has happened to me a few times. I finally come out of the depression and have to survey the damage. I have some very hardy plants who have been so abused by my bad mental health! but I appreciate them so much more. it’s basically survival of the fittest at my place lol.
I finally found the right medication to help me and my plant care has leveled up. I hope you can find relief & healing but please don’t beat yourself up about this ♥️
Have you tried sending the plants to therapy?
It’s ok. This happens to me too. 🩷
I’ve had depression on and off for a long time. You aren’t alone in your struggle. Maybe screening for ADHD would help. I only mention it because multiple mental health professionals missed it because I masked so well & didn’t know it.
Regardless- you’re doing great by sharing this and being open. It can be a difficult skill to practice. If you like hugs, 🫂 🫂🫂. If you prefer ears, 👂 👂👂. May your toolbox and joy grow ever stronger.
No wonder I can’t keep any alive.
I don’t have anything helpful to say really other than to let you know you’re not alone. I’ve been there, and I know how scary and difficult it is. My only advice would be to give yourself grace right now. You’re doing the best you can. And if keeping yourself alive is all you manage most days that’s already good enough ❤️
It happens to me too- plants are pretty resilient (like you!! 💕) sending love your way
You just explained how I’ve been for months…I can’t get out of this funk I’m in.
Have you looked at ketamine therapy at all? I struggle with depression and adhd and have been doing ket therapy for 9months now and while it’s by no means a cure, it has seemed to help with not spiraling and allows me to see ot happening before it’s gets out of control. I still have days where my self worth is below 0 but they are less common now. My friend had the best explanation in that it seems to up the bandwidth of your brain while also toning down the background static.
Sorry for the semi off topic ramblings. All the best to you!
I went through a divorce, my ex in rehab, my mom dying, all in the same year. I looked at my plants and told them, welcome to the hunger games, and I let them live or die.
The ones that lived are hardy af now, and very low maintenance 😂😁
I’m happy you have come out of it! Mental health is tough when you have plants. You feel bad for not taking care of them and that adds to the stress but you don’t have the energy to do anything. I understand. Sending good vibes your way!
Mental illness is why I got so many plants and continue to get more. Taking care of them distract me.
After a few depression cullings, only the strongest remained. I looked around at the philodendrons and said screw it, I collect philos now. My collection is drought tolerant because if you can’t go 2 weeks without water at my house, you’re a little bitch.
Shape up or get cut. 🤷♀️
Honestly, though, I cried my guts out every time. I loved alocasia and peperomia, but I keep myself from buying them because they’re the first to die when I am at my worst.
Be kind to yourself when rebuilding your collection. Get things that can struggle through the hard times with you instead of die quickly and make the hard times worse.
I wish I could give you and your plants a hug (if you would want one)
I have been there so many times. I wanted to specifically address this part of your post:
>I don’t know if it’s self sabotage. Self loathing.
You’re blaming yourself and I think that’s a negative distortion from your depressive brain: it’s just not true.
Depression often comes hand in hand with executive dysfunction – in particular having trouble motivating yourself to start a task that seems boring or *difficult*. And tbh, *everything* feels difficult when we’re really pulled low by depression.
It is not your fault. It’s not a moral or personal failing. It’s just really really *hard* right now.
It’s funny, because even as I say this I know I’m not internalizing this message for myself: I have so many projects around the house that I’ve neglected in my last bout of depression and I have been beating myself up about it every day. It’s a lot easier to have compassion for other people and a lot harder to have it for ourselves… at least in my experience.
I hope you find yourself on an upswing soon. Please give yourself a little kindness and grace. You’re not a failure. You’re doing the best you can right now, and that’s *good*. Sending mental hugs to you