Hey kids, it’s the President Donald Trump and Justice Clarence Thomas corruption crossover event you’ve been waiting for!
Look, we were just joking around when we speculated that Trump’s tacky Rose Garden statues of Benjamin Franklin and Alexander Hamilton that appeared in the dead of night were inspired by Justice Thomas’s billionaire benefactor Harlan Crow’s unhinged “Garden of Evil” statue display chock full of dead dictators.
But it turns out that we were hilariously, stupidly, right all along.
Cartoon by David HorseyDavid Horsey/Tribune Content Agency
More right than we knew, as it turns out that Crow actually owns the Franklin and Hamilton statutes, and loaned them to Trump so they could sit awkwardly atop the paved-over Rose Garden. Crow also loaned Trump something called “Freedom’s Charge,” depicting Revolutionary War soldiers. There’s also a new bronze monstrosity of Thomas Jefferson, but apparently that one isn’t from Crow.
Let’s not even pretend that this is a loan to or for the American people. This is 100% an exclusive Trump joint.
Man, we used to be a proper country. One where the Rose Garden had roses, and was a garden.
We learned about Crow’s weird dictator statue fixation when it came to light that he was best bribe buds with Thomas, propping up the Supreme Court justice with literal millions in lavish gifts. So, we should probably be grateful that Crow took these statues from his corporate campus collection, not from the Garden of Evil. Honestly, though, it would be more in keeping with the Trump era and ethos to draw from there and maybe get Crow to loan out his statues of Romanian dictator Nicolae Ceaușescu and Yugoslav dictator Josip Broz Tito.
The Rose Garden, when it was actually that, is seen with the Oval Office behind it, at the White House in Washington on Oct. 15, 2009. AP
This is the first we’ve learned as to who is behind these statues, with the White House previously only saying they were on loan from “generous private American patriots.” But now we know it’s just another billionaire bribing Trump.
Crow is wise to spread his largesse. He’s already made sure to slide Thomas all the luxury travel and gifts his cold heart could desire, but look, you gotta grease the palms of the big guy as well, right?
In any other era, learning that the billionaire who is buying favorable treatment from the Supreme Court is also secretly buying favorable treatment from Trump would be a five-alarm fire, but Trump’s corruption is so vast that this is honestly sorta small potatoes.
We regret to remind you that Trump is planning on doing 250 of these heinous tacky things for his “National Garden of American Heroes” as part of his wrecking of West Potomac Park in D.C.
Perhaps Crow can pick up the tab for this Charlie Kirk sculpture that a New York sculptor decided to build without asking anyone if they actually wanted such a statue. Sergio Furnari is very sad he spent $100,000 to throw a Charlie Kirk sculpture party, and nobody came, as he’d expected to sell it for millions. Of course, $100K is nothing but pocket change for Crow, so maybe he can get it on a fire sale, and Trump can plop it into the Rose Garden.
The only good thing about these tacky statues is that they will be mad simple to tear down on Day One of a Democratic administration. Then, we can tackle de-giltifying the Oval Office and raze the bribe palace ballroom to the ground.
We’ll get straight to the point: The financial hardships that Daily Kos is facing this year are tough.
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