It is my belief that even Indiana Jones would find the RHS Chelsea Flower Show a challenge. It has all the ingredients of one of his adventures: difficult terrain, extreme weather events, unpredictable crowds and — of course — elusive treasure.
Apparently, he’s always wanted to “do” Chelsea. It’s certainly a change of pace from the usual temple of doom scenario. He’s already calling the whole escapade “The Temple of Bloom”. Also he’s mythical, which helps when it comes to acquiring a ticket — unlike him, you’ll get no change from £80.
To help him (and you, dear readers) prepare, I thought it only fair to provide the lowdown on how to survive the Wild West that is Chelsea during the third week of May.
Getting there
None of Indiana Jones’s usual modes of transports — horse, camel, steam train, vintage car, prop plane and/or life raft — will do. Do not drive unless it is essential. You can book parking at Battersea Park but the traffic is terrible. The best mode is public transport, ie the Tube or the bus (note: no bullwhips allowed). The third option is a taxi. Donkeys are also not ideal.
Attire
Every year I think I am ready for everything — there can be four seasons in four hours — and then find myself either freezing or boiling. The key is layers, lots of them. Start with a thin one and include some raingear. It can be fun to go fully floral. Hats, including fedoras, are advised.
Footwear
You are going to walk for miles. This is not the moment to break in those new shoes or boots. This is the moment for ugly trainers that can absorb the stress of pounding the pavement.
Sustenance
Think about bringing your own picnic and snacks. You may find a short food queue (lucky you) but don’t count on it. I’ve spent many a Chelsea day with a hungry headache and regretted not bringing my own food.
Drink
Take your own water bottle. There are hydration refill stations around the show. There’s also plenty of beer and wine (especially rosé) which can work as a mid-visit livener.
Timings
Go early and/or stay late. Show hours are 8am to 8pm with a late-night option on Friday of 10pm for those who booked. On Saturday it’s 8am to 5.30pm. Do not dillydally. It is best to go either at the very start or from mid-afternoon. The crowds will thin and you’ll be able to see more than the back of lots of people’s heads (and hats).
Vibrant displays at the Chelsea Flower Show richard pohle
Getting in
There are two entrances: one is off Royal Hospital Road (London Gate) and the other is on the river embankment (Bull Ring Gate). I would pick the embankment every time, as it’s less crowded and leads directly to the pavilion or (turning right) to the show gardens. The hospital entrance plunges you into a row of highly distracting shops and the manic Main Avenue.
Preparation
The main show gardens — and crowds — are on Main Avenue but there are also small show gardens, houseplant studios, balcony and container gardens. I make a first swoop down Main Avenue and then methodically visit all the smaller gardens, making notes on which to revisit later. Break it up with food or just sitting and watching the world walk by.
The Great Pavilion
This tent holds the most highly concentrated mass of horticultural expertise on the planet. Use it. You can find a list of exhibitors on the RHS website and make a plan about who and what subjects to explore.
Essentials
An old-fashioned notebook is key as the show gardens will blur together. Take a bag or (better) a backpack for brochures and a camera to capture your favourite looks. Tissues and sweets help too. Even Indiana Jones — not to mention the gnomes being allowed in this year — is not immune from the clouds of pollen from the magnificent plane trees. Achoo!
Be patient, enjoy people watching, don’t obsess about the ridiculous price of a cup of coffee and remember to have fun.
Gardener’s question
Q. Ten years ago we lost our wonderful apple tree to fungus. I dug out the roots and treated the ground with a disinfectant to try to kill off the fungus. Do you think we can plant a new tree roughly in the same area after all that time?
Geoff Causton, Bristol
A. You can certainly try, as most advice says nine years should be enough to avert apple replant disease, which is thought to come from a build-up of pathogens and nematodes in the soil. Additional tactics include avoiding the exact planting hole, swapping out the soil around the roots and placing cardboard at the bottom of the planting hole. Then keep your fingers crossed.
Send your garden queries to gardenquestions@thetimes.co.uk
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