New Jersey recently made the list of “Friendliest States in America for 2026,” compiled by World Population Review.
Woo-hoo!
Granted, WPR put us in 46th place, but that gives us plenty of room for improvement.
And plenty to be proud of. After all, we could have wound up in 48th place. Or 49th. Or, God forbid, 50th.
We didn’t, though. And that has to mean something.
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Besides, New Jerseyans are complicated.
In our hearts, we want to be nice, but we don’t want to be that nice.
Our motto is “Jersey Strong,” not “Jersey Come Over Later for Coffee and a Foot Massage.”
The first-place prize in this friendship sweepstakes went to Minnesota, which is one of those M states up there in the middle, somewhere.
Forgive me. I skipped fourth grade, and that’s apparently when you learn where all these states are. I still can’t find more than 12 on a map, or remember all their names. But I’m pretty sure Minnesota is just one state away from Michigan, Montana, Millinois, Myoming …
Minnesota is perhaps best known as the home of Mary Richards, Lou Grant and Ted Baxter. Also: Sue Ann Nivens AND Rose Nylund. (As I recall, at least two of these five people were friendly.)
New York, our most notable neighbor, came in 50th, which makes sense, I guess. I happen to have homes in both states, and as unfriendly as I am in New Jersey, I’m probably even worse in New York.
(Spend some time with me sitting in bumper-to-bumper traffic in the Bronx and you’ll find out how truly miserable I can be.)
For some reason, Wisconsin, which is right next door to Minnesota, was in 26th place. So how did that happen?
They’re neighbors!
MINNESOTAN: “Hey, neighbor! A gracious good morning to you!”
WISCONSINITE: “Yeah. Whatever. Who cares?”
As you probably already know, the tension gets even more pronounced as you journey east.
NEW JERSEYAN: “Hey, Chooch … does this bus stop at 53rd Street?”
NEW YORKER: “Go to hell, you moron.”
NEW JERSEYAN: “Who you callin’ moron? You wanna take this outside?”
NEW YORKER: “Yeah. Jump out the window.”
I’ve never been to Minnesota, but I have been to Tennessee, which came in at No. 2.
I spent time in Nashville, Knoxville, Memphis and Chattanooga, with my friend Chuck, who grew up in Tennessee, but can’t say I found the state particularly friendly. Or unfriendly.
I did like the food down there, though, especially the barbecue and fried catfish.
I was less enthusiastic about Chuck’s mother’s authentic “Eye-talian” dinner, which she made in honor of my visit and which consisted of limp spaghetti, diced tomatoes and Jimmy Dean breakfast sausage.
(I did appreciate the effort, though.)
Certainly, I found Chuck’s mom to be friendly.
Ditto for his sister, who told me she met a bunch of Italian men when she was on vacation in Cancun.
“So handsome,” she said, before whispering, “though, as I recall, not too much in the brains department.”
“Gee, thanks,” I muttered.
“Oh, I’m not talkin’ ‘bout you, honey. I mean those handsome, hunky ones with the muscles.”
Ah.
Getting back to World Population Review, it did a sister survey on rudeness by states and found New Jersey and New York at the bottom in 49th and 50th place, respectively, the rudest possible ranks.
So … do I really care about any of this?
Jerseyans may not be the friendliest folks on the planet, but we’re friendly enough.
Aren’t we?
Besides, being too friendly and over-polite can attract the wrong people. It can lead others to exploit and manipulate you. And it suggests that you have low self-esteem and are desperate for strangers to like you.
Anyway … so what? It’s not like I’m gonna go to the home of the president of World Population Review and break his windows.
Or slash the tires on his car.
Or accidentally knock over his daughter’s ice cream cone and kick it down the block.
Jerseyans have way too much class and self-respect to do anything that nasty, that rude and that unfriendly.
Generally, we hire New Yorkers to do that stuff for us.
This article originally appeared on NorthJersey.com: Friendly advice? Don’t say New Jerseyans are not nice enough
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