Materials: Clay, wool fiber, acrylic paint, wire, crepe paper, pigment, coffee grounds, recycled aluminum, green army man toys, artificial turf

Artist statement:

“You must understand: we are at war” – TV commercial for Kobalt 40-volt outdoor power tools 

“Our enemy will feel the bite of our iron. Kill them!” – TV commercial for Scotts EcoSense Weed-Be-Gone

A grass lawn is useless. The roots of lawn grasses are too shallow to prevent soil erosion, and the plants themselves provide nothing to pollinators. They require tremendous amounts of water to keep alive. Perhaps most perversely, they are useless by design: the origins of the grass lawn can be traced to displays of wealth by the British aristocracy, where they communicated “look at me! I’m so rich I can literally waste land.” 

This uselessness must be preserved at all costs. If a dandelion (early food for pollinators, edible to humans, deep taproot that helps remediate soil) infiltrates, you have failed to maintain order in your kingdom. It must be destroyed with maximum prejudice, lest neighboring fiefdoms perceive weakness (or you receive a passive-aggressive letter from the HOA). Keep all growth in check. There is no room for divergent assessments of value. If you need a reminder of your mission objectives, study your neighbor’s lawn. Yours should look identical, yet somehow slightly greener. Remember the words of General Kobalt, “We are at war!”

by jgklausner

18 Comments

  1. InviteNatureHome

    Amazing idea! 💚 Love the mower, trimming ones. Never seen those ads, with that language. 🤦🏼‍♀️ #gardensnotgrass #foodnotlawns

  2. squeezymarmite

    Love this! We need more anti-monoculture art.

  3. castironbirb

    I love #11/12. They made me laugh at how absurd people are about having a perfect landscape no matter the costs. These are brilliant! Love them and thank you for sharing your talents 😊

    Will these be displayed in a museum anywhere? People really need to see how crazy lawn culture is.

  4. Cosmonaut_K

    “We’re surrounded cap! But these fungus freaks ain’t gonna take us alive! For democracy!!”

  5. ZeldaFromL1nk

    Ik this is art and all, but just seeing an army man in grass brought back so much nostalgia from playing in the yard/dirt as a kid. They never could beat the dinosaurs.

  6. Masterpiece1976

    these were all exciting but “Army guy with leafblower” / snail being assailed by leaves did me in. (in a good way)

  7. Difficult-Tie5574

    Grass is actually VERY good at preventing soil erosion. And I would say (depending on climate) that it takes “tremendous amounts of water” to EXTEND the life of grass (such as trying to keep a cool season grass alive through a scorching hot summer). This is coming from someone with no irrigation system who has never watered their lawn outside of seeding, and still manages to have a green yard throughout the summer with a c3 grass in zone 6b.

    Cool project though! Love the point in pollinators, and think we should be preserving water from both a quantity and quality perspective. Just wish the information was a bit less biased and more accurate.

  8. ClerkSeveral

    Nothing says you’ve made Mother Nature your bitch like putting a sharp edge on her.

  9. designyourdoom

    As someone trying to transition out of a mowed yard, I love this concept!

    Somewhat related, I Kickstarted a series of army men called Yoga Joes; army men in yoga poses. I like your concept better, but similar in some ways.

  10. cocaineheart

    Okay I LOVE what you’re doing here, keep it up!!!

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