For years, a neighbor/friend has been taking plants from my garden without asking. I've always tried to be nice and just give her cuttings when I catch her.
Yesterday I saw her with her grandchild's stroller. She was trying to uproot a whole plant, and I noticed another plant already hidden in the stroller. I opened the door and asked what she was doing. She said "just checking your plants." I gave her a cutting and saw the stolen plant under the baby's blanket.
I'm hurt by her complete lack of respect. She knows I happily share cuttings when people ask.
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What should I say next time?
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I ordered a "please don't pick flowers" sign. If she asks, should I tell her it's because of her?
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Where can I get a custom sign which will be more direct"Be considerate. Si not pick plants"?
Thanks.
by Deepthika
37 Comments
Instead of being polite, tell her to stop unless you suspect she is crazy, has dementia or early Alzheimer’s.
She’s stealing things that either cost actual money or have value in a non-monetary sense in that you enjoy them and take time, money, and effort to maintain them. You gotta put your foot down. Take photos and tell her you’re going to report the theft to the police. Tell her you’re putting a video camera out there to document every instance she steals.
I think you’re being way too nice and she perceives you as a pushover. Giving her cuttings at this point is enabling. You can be clear to her that you know she’s stealing your flowers and you can take legal action.
She’s a thief, her age nor address doesn’t negate that.
I would put a jar out with a sign reading “DONATIONS”.
She’s doing it repeatedly because she knows you’re not going to do or say anything about it. She views your lack of complaint as permission. The only way this will ever stop is if you are firm and direct. I get the feeling that you’re the kind or person who feels that being assertive comes off as mean, but *telling* not *asking* someone not to steal from you isn’t mean, it’s you showing up for yourself
She’s not your friend. That’s just a thief.
Record a video and file a police report.
That is not your friend. I’d have cursed her out, but I’m a bit feral so I get it’s not everyone’s reaction. But seriously wtf??? Who does that??? The lack of respect and consideration for how much effort you put into your gardens, why tf is she just ripping up and uprooting stuff??
“Hi, i notice you stole some of my plants. This is very upsetting me to as i spend my money and time to cultivate my garden. We have gotten along up until this point but this is making me extremely uncomfortable. Please do not do that again.”
Get photos, call police, get a protection order. Don’t play nice.
Stop giving her cuttings and put up a barrier. Get a dog if you have to. Very few things stop thieves.
You caught her multiple times and it keeps happening.. at this point you need to be more blunt in your approach. If you catch her doing it again straight up say you don’t appreciate her stealing your plants and if it happens again you will report her to the police.
I’m sorry this is happening to you. Maybe get a camera to point at your garden? Then you’d have solid proof of the stealing if you need to escalate to making a police report (especially if she’s taking super expensive plants). I’d be devastated if someone was repeatedly stealing my plants
Personally, just let it go. She enjoys your flowers. Do you not plant them for other’s enjoyment as well as yours? Take it as a compliment and move on with your life.
Just call the fucking cops on her. You know she’s stealing, she knows she’s stealing.
Print a sign on your computer and put it in a vinyl sleeve or cover it in plastic wrap or packing tape.
I’d roundup her beds at night, but I have rage
If you have on camera, call the cops
https://i.redd.it/qkh8hhvf9msg1.gif
You tell her you don’t appreciate her taking your plants without permission. What you don’t do is fume about it on Reddit where no one can fix it for you.
I know it’s hard to confront people, but unless you want to be treated like a sidewalk and be walked all over all the time, you have to learn to stand up for yourself.
Get a “please don’t steal my plants” sign but address it directly to her. Like “please don’t steal my plants BARBARA”
you can always say “hi! stop stealing my plants!” and if she doesn’t post on nextdoor or something about the plant thief. take a bad photo of her
My mom likely would have done something similar when the disease that took her life was progressing. She worked at greenhouses during her life and loved gardening. The disease she had took that outlet away from her (along with cooking, walking the dogs, sewing).
That doesn’t make it fair to you, of course, and it does not mean that your neighbor is also suffering from a form of dementia, but just a suggestion to consider that possibility and respond proportionately.
Take some photos. Post on local neighborhood groups in Facebook and nextdoor to warn others about her. Shame is a powerful thing
Instead order a doormat. Bc that’s what you are being. Confront her directly and if you really can’t, go to her house and pull the plants up. If she gets mad, tell her you thought she was “borrowing” your plant and next time you’ll call the police on her.
If you see it happening again, you must confront her. “I take a lot of pride in my garden and spend time and money on it. I’d really appreciate it if you would not cut and uproot items from it. Happy to share cuttings with you.” She will be defensive, but be calm and stick to the facts. This is not how a friend behaves.
Get a camera aimed at your garden. Also out a sign up that says private property. Stop giving her anything, people like this do not respect anyone and you have been enabling her bad behavior. Cut her off and tell her to stay off your property this is not a friend but just a shitty neighbor.
“STOP STEALING MY PLANTS!!!!”
Camera and sprinkler!
Tell her she is trespassing and you will call the police if she returns to your property. No loss if she is stealing from you
“Smile, you’re on camera” is another good sign to put up. I don’t even think you’d need the “please don’t pick flowers” sign if you had that.
Get a picture of her stealing it and then put it out on a sign with a sign that says something Iike “plant thieves you’re on camera” and caption the photo with “pictured above, Barbara 3/31/26.” It’s time for public shaming.
I used to live in a downtown with a lot of foot traffic. One day I came home and found a lady (parent of an upstairs tenant) pulling my succulents out of my garden. I told her – hold on a minute and went inside and hit her some tools and a zip lock bad and a marker. I told her if she is going to take my plants without asking she should take good care of them. I helped her put them in the baggies and labeled them with names and care instructions. She was so embarrassed but I’m hoping she took good care of care of them. Also when children walk by my office and pick my flowers – I quickly get out the door and tell them if they are going to pick my flowers then they better be picking them to give them to their mother, and I asked if they would like a ribbon to tie them together like a proper present.
Put a sign up: “Cuttings $10”.
You got to stand up for yourself. She already knows there is nothing you will do. You’ve made it very obvious you’re afraid of confrontation you give these people an inch and they will take a mile. There is no polite solution. stand up for yourself in a polite manner, be sure to tell her what she is doing is theft, and if it happens again, you will be pressing charges. As well as destruction of private property.
>give her cuttings when I catch her.
What?! No offense but you’re literally training her to keep doing this by rewarding it.
Step one is get a camera set up or or be prepared to take pictures when she’s stealing. Step two is telling her directly in no uncertain terms to stop taking things from your yard. Step three is calling the police when (not if) she keeps doing it, with video/photo evidence in hand.
I’d plant a few types of cacti in there to make it harder for her to maneuver around your other plants, but that’s just me.
You can also put out a sign that says not to pick the flowers or “smile, you’re on camera”.