When I first got chickens I was prepared for the concept of “if you have livestock, you’ll have deadstock”. However, today for the first time we had to put down our sweetest chicken at less than a year old, and I wasn’t prepared for that moment to come so soon. She had gotten severely sick due to an unethical seller selling us a chicken who is a coryza carrier. I spent months nursing her back to health, visiting her every 2-3 hours to make sure she’s eating her food and drinking her medicine. I was burnt out (on top of balancing a schedule of work and fostering 2 anxious dogs) but willing to do this for her if she had a chance. Even at her worst, face swollen and eyes shut, she would sit in my lap and purr and fall asleep in my arms. But I came to terms this week with the fact that she won’t be getting better and living an isolated life in a cage isn’t right. I called my experienced farmer friend and he said he would do it for me, and that it would be quick and painless. My husband told me that I did everything I could and to now pass the responsibility to him and he would take her to our friend. The day came and I was sobbing. I couldn’t bring myself to go see her this morning to say goodbye. I just hid in a room until my husband came back without her. I felt so guilty for that, like “how can I make the decision to send her to end her life but I can’t even be there for her?”.
I feel like I can’t fully enjoy my chickens now. Like if I get close to them, it’ll just be heartbreak after heartbreak. And of course the coop feels incomplete without her there. Please share your stories with me. If you had to make that decision, if it gets easier each time, how you balance loving them and being strong when losing them. Anything helps.
by toxicplayerstore
6 Comments
I have meat rabbits who live in a colony, not chickens. My bunnies are cute, friendly, and playful. They have best friends, and love digging in their mulch pile, and run up to me as soon as I go in their yard. I love them up every day, give them treats from my garden, cuddle them… and then eat them.
I cry every time I butcher, but I figure I would rather know without a doubt that the meat I eat lived a happy healthy life, unlike the meat in grocery stores. I offer them a good life, just not a long one. But I still cry.
I’ve had to put a few pets down, not livestock. But either way, if you care about the animal, it’s gonna be tuff. It really depends on the individual, whether or not it gets easier. In my experience, it’s a gut punch every time. You may become slightly accustomed to it, but it’ll still suck.
Sorry for your loss. Just remember it’s a part of life, even if it sucks.
I’m so sorry for your loss.
Taking the life of an animal is never easy. Even when it is done humanely and for the right reasons, like ending pain or suffering, there is a weight to it that stays with you. I grew up harvesting livestock and wildlife, and sometimes that meant putting down animals I cared about.
With time and reflection, I have come to accept that every life has an end. There is no permanence for the living, us included. What matters to me now is whether I did what I believed was necessary to give that animal a good life. For livestock that means good food, good care, respect, and taking responsibility when the hard part arrived. For wildlife it means a quick, clean harvest. For both it means making use of everything I can from them.
The final act is still hard, but it becomes easier to process when I know I showed up the way I believe I should for that animal. Someday I will have my own end. We all do.
As for you, the fact that you were not in the room does not mean you lacked care or respect. From what you’ve shared, it sounds like the opposite. Take this experience with you into the next moment life puts in front of you. If you are raising animals there will be another. Reflect on what mattered to you here, and if being present feels important next time, choose that. Not everyone can do it, and that does not diminish the love or responsibility you already showed to this animal or will show to other animals.
As an aside, most people in our society are completely removed from the reality of what it takes to put meat in a freezer. I genuinely believe everyone should experience harvesting and processing at least once. It changes how you understand the responsibility behind choosing to eat meat.
I am so incredibly sorry for your loss. Please don’t let that guilt eat at you for not being there in the final second. You were there for her for months. You did the brave thing by letting her go peacefully instead of prolonging her struggle. Sending you so much strength today
So fish are friends not food eh?