THE BEST POSTS OF 2023! | AskReddit

THE BEST POSTS OF 2023! | AskReddit

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When in doubt blank how do you finish this advice pinky out always follow your nose sleep and then make a decision don’t ask Reddit they will make you feel bad about any possible decision you could ever make read books when in danger or in doubt run in circles Scream

And Shout doubt even more Panic for hours until you pass out and wake up realizing how easy things could have been wipe again what band has the perfect name the band I wish they just release a song called that song hey have you heard that song by the band King

Gizzard and the lizard wizard Butthole Surfers you know they have a song called detachable P it’s a really great song lying it’s not good but I heard it on the radio one time when I was a kid the who I always thought INXS was clever sound garden is just perfect The Cure I

Think Journey simple evocative and sounds good best band name ever Guns and Roses sounded so cool plus names like Axel Rose and slash just scream rock and roll the FBI is after you what did you do wrong they are finally coming after me for all the movies I down downloaded

Illegally in 2003 that’s what you get for downloading a car well my lawyer said to keep quiet in these kind of situations well the FBI says speak uping library books again I suck at getting them back on time had us in the first half not going to

Lie no no don’t the library books nice try buddy hey he’s got you is it me or have these agents gotten really pushy lately to be honest they probably found out about the time I stalked my crush in sixth grade I still know where he lives I would guess something in my search

History I released animals from their cages on a fur Farm a lot of animals on a lot of farms run my pretties run the freedom we go that one time I accidentally stole a Danish Pastry from Wawa when I was 5 it’s been over 10 years and the guilt has been eating me

Alive aliens make contact and agree to come to a banquet and try human food what are we serving American barbecue bunch of different kinds of fruit I don’t know that aliens would want to eat the Flesh of an animal from a different planet I’m not a vegetarian or anything

But I wouldn’t want some [ __ ] random face meat Tacos No Better welcome meal than tacos let’s make the them eat some dirt it’ll be hilarious laughs in Earth’s destruction oh yeah I’m going to be running around screaming crying we made the aliens eat dirt they’re blowing

Our sh up man it’s over each country signature meal let them have a taste of the best of everyone is human lower horn on the menu you’re telling me you want Sloppy Toppy from an alien southern fried food and barbecue show them that we don’t fear death pineapple on Pizza

Beans on toast how about no Little Debbie Honey Buns I’d feed them humans slj you are now named big plus the last thing you ate what’s your name big fried rice big marshmallow my nickname is stay puffed big miniature Danish big spotted yeah freaking right you ate spotted I

Don’t believe people actually eat that it’s not real big salad big banana big Tater Tot big monster excuse me sir you AE what I love it when you call me Big Taco big anxiety pill what is the one thing you cannot stand that people do when people interrupt conversations for

No reason like we’re having a nice conversation talking about something and then this other person that’s there completely butts in and goes oh did you guys and then like completely derails the conversation it sucks I hate it stand way too close to me in a checkout

Line I’ve had to Resort going to another store where not many people go to because I got tired of my personal bubble being invaded mistreat animals most people eat animals okay whatevering texting and driving I bike I’ve been hit off around three times just by people on

Their fuing phones sorry it’s a real pet peeve blck the aisle at supermarket walk slowly in front of me I can’t stand it when people constantly talk about all of the sufferings and hardships they’ve endured as if they are better than others for having gone through such everyone suffers happens heal and move

On this attention-seeking Behavior I find it to be incredibly obnoxious what color can disappear forever and you wouldn’t mind at all yellow specifically like vibrant yellow pastel yellow is cute and I like it but yellow get it out of here that pukey green brown color all colors are beautiful in their own place

But yes if given a choice the lightest shade of pink can vanish like every different shade of black just keep one shade make it easier to match my blacks with my other blacks orange hey you’re right I changed my answer yeah I changed my answer to Orange hot pink it doesn’t

Take long for it to become an isore that spewy mustard yellow beige what do you got against beige it’s like the most inoffensive color the color of my green mucus okay purple it’s a dirty blue Q only swordfish that’s my favorite color seafoam green no I love that color

Androids what’s your opinion on iOS it’s good when you have a whole set of Apple product s but I don’t as someone who only has an iPhone and no other Apple products I disagree I love iOS expensive that’s true y you pay loads more for loads less than what Android has and you

Can’t even personalize it 100% nor have third party apps also you can’t just go to any repair shop and have them fix it or have a component upgraded with ease I think it’s not bad but I personally hate how it feels and functions I think it

Uses kif for more people who aren’t the most techsavvy I’m an Android I cannot conceptualize software just like humans cannot conceptual ized thought overrated to me a phone is a phone very few options to choose from regarding the phone only expensive options the OS is a pain to use couldn’t even find the

Setting to change the default browser you can literally search settings if you just search default browser it will pop up you are just a simpleton in that case if we talk just phone versus phone then it’s pretty much the same but Apple’s far superior on the integration between

All their products you can have an iPhone a Macbook and Apple tv Apple watch airpods and they all work seamlessly together out of the box what was that big thing that’s going to kill us all of your youth 2012 yeah good times nuclear war so not different from

What menaces us now y 2K I was a kid in the’80s and AIDS was going to kill us all those aads are still in the memory bank microwaves all right Grandma I was born in 1969 so global thermonuclear war acid rain it’s actually a decent climate

Success story as to why it didn’t kill us all sounds stupid but I somehow thought of a shark NATO Nostradamus which movie do you wish you could watch for the first time again Fight Club we don’t talk about redacted Bruno Lord of the Rings Eternal Sunshine of the

Spotless Mind is best watched when one doesn’t know what it’s about before watching it so that’s my answer Scott Pilgrim versus the world sure okay The Dark Knight The Goonies I always found it astounding that a couple of kids living by The Boondocks could find such forgotten treasure and get past cleverly

Placed traps put down by an ancient pirate all while being chased by a crime family I read an article recently about The Goonies one of my faves as a kid it highlighted all of the stereotypes in the movie i. the Asian kid Italian Mobsters the chubby boy I watched it in

A different light now it was probably harmless stuff back in 1985 and maybe still isn’t a big deal I guess I just think it’s a good example of how everyone seems to think differently nowadays probably either Interstellar or everything everywhere all at once 6 cents and maybe Blair Witch without

Knowing it wasn’t real Coraline The Green Mile what’s something people don’t talk about enough debt understand your partner’s financial situation before you connected yourself to a big old surprise money in general kids especially need this stuff explained to them their own flaws how they honestly feel or think

About somebody to their face divorce the amount of garbage in space how important your credit score is infertility ending Daylight Savings Time Forever Bruno okay it’s the second Bruno mention of the video death it’s real and we’ll all have to go through it so many just ignore it how human overpopulation is threatening

The future of the human race and all other species as well what is a right of passage that screams yep I’m an adult now getting excited when buying new appliances I got excited when I wanted to buy a new air fryer / toaster oven it

Was uh it was a moment of weakness but hey it’s a good toaster oven attending funerals of people who you thought would just always be there as a child like parents grandparents aunts and uncles cousins neighbors you don’t really realize that they don’t freeze in the

Age you got to know them as a kid it’s not just you having birthdays they get older too they’ll have to die one day I don’t like it Friends start having kids on purpose injuring Yourself by sleeping wrong when I didn’t understand nor like the lingo Tings were using for me buying

A house was crazy cuz of all the paperwork but it really clicked when I had a kid like you just get looked at and expected to have the answers to things 24/7 and you don’t know what the you’re doing thinking about what to have for dinner all day having to shop for

Your own groceries when you want to impulse buy a vacuum because it’s got so many cool features why do I still bother even looking at Prime Day sales I don’t need any more vacuums someone please stop letting me buy vacuums stop buying vacuums they suck I’m sorry when I started to support

My parents instead of them supporting me Bills the moment you realize you have personally bought every piece of clothing you’re wearing you bought these socks and underwear not your parents buying any kind of insurance when someone calls you sir or ma’am accepting you’re wrong when you are in fact wrong

The rare instance when your and your could both be acceptable you’re right hey wait a minute what is a sad fact about yourself I have no friends I suffer from a very sexy learning disability sex Lexia I hear it’s pretty common I’ve had a headache every minute

Of every day for the last 2 years it appears to be pretty much untreatable so I guess I’ll just have a headache all the time for the rest of my life I have vampire syndrome sleeping all day and awake all night I’m lazy and too depressed to do something about it same

Just vice versa I’ve had a migraine every day for the past 15 years single for 10 years I’ll be that by 16 I’ll beat That by 21 single for 23 years and I’ve never been in a relationship what’s worse than a wet handshake living life with wet hands r/ hyperhydrosis using

Your middle finger to tickle the other person’s Palm a creamy handshake a wet fart or a lumpy one a sticky handshake sitting on a seat pre-warmed by someone else a limp handshake being handed wet money when you’re at a concert and a sweaty bigger man slides by you and

Covers you in his body slime unwarranted warm breath in your ear hey guys what’s up what album has no bad song Start to Finish Stevie Wonder songs in the key of Life unplugged by both Nirvana and aliceon chains at the moment for me it’s Steely Dan’s Asia Talking Heads stop

Making sense Fleetwood Mac Rumors that’s so true what a Bop of an album Dark Side of the Moon by Pink Floyd graceand by Paul Simon one of the best albums ever recorded Abby rad it’s a really good good start to for new Beatles gross fans containing a few that

May even already know it it’s still a great lesson for veteran F fans can you tell I I hate The Beatles one of the worst bands of all time Buford and Son’s first album Sy no more 808 and heartbreak arguably his most underrated album Jagged Little Pill it was amazing

She got to make it My Beautiful Dark Twisted Fantasy you know I’m going to have to agree with Anthony fantano here and say that mbdtf a light SI or strong six whatever he said it’s not it’s mid it’s mid 808 and heartbreak way better my personal favorite Kanye album is yay

But to each their own daff Punk Random Access Memories you accidentally log into the same Wi-Fi network as the giant screen in New York Times Square the cast button illuminates what do you play Go to YouTube and find one of the most realistic emergency broadcast videos for something like alien attacks or zombies

See how long it takes for chaos to begin a blank vid of me with a voice changer saying David I need my money a countdown timer with no other context David is cheating on you I don’t know any Davids but I’m sure there will be a couple in

Their significant others in Time Square why does everyone hate David cot night Joe yes I’m playing the Lord of the Rings trilogy back to back director’s cut no I don’t have anything better to do Dr eggman’s Twitter announcement I’ve come to make an announcement Shadow the

Hedgehog is 100 hours of neon cat the recent Rick Roll remake Mac Miller’s tiny desk concert have you ever seen someone die and if so what were the circumstances yeah my dad one minute I was talking to him business as usual the next one he was just lying there heart

Attack that’s the only one for that one okay what accent are you most attracted to the female accent none really any accent sounds attractive with the right voice as a Hispanic the accent from Medellin Colombia is very attractive in women I have a friend from Kazakhstan

When she has been drinking a little and is speaking softly her accent is so fuing sexy she’s a native Russian speaker but her English is good Irish it’s just really pleasing to me it might be weird but Scottish the thicker the better as a Canadian Australian or British accents are very attractive to

Me the way girls from New Zealand say no really makes the rejection worth it Nar Nar well sha the way could listen to it all day what do you hate yourself Australian I think with the right person anything would be sexy but there’s a special place in my heart for a Scottish

Accent Israeli my girlfriend gets her Israeli accent back when she’s mad and it turns me on what’s the most creepiest biological fact that you know the fact that regardless of age Health level of physical activity genetics or any other biomarker you can think of your brain can just suddenly start bleeding with no

Known cause or ability to prevent it and before you know it you’re gone new fear unlocked you can be trapped in a comike state and be aware of it locked in syndrome might just be the most terrifying medical condition it’s when you’re stuck between being asleep and

Awake you know you’re awake and can hear and see things around you however you can’t talk and you can only move your eyes so you’re unable to respond to anything there’s a frog that can apparently break its own bones and push the jagged ends out as a defense mechanism against predator Predators WTF

The fact that some parasites take over the brains of their prey and change its Behavior to ensure their own propagation if you encounter a polar bear unless a miracle happens you’re dead certain parasites can modify their host Behavior terrifying and really really interesting toxoplasmosis is a disease known to be

Harmful for human pregnancies but part of the parasite life cycle is in rats where the parasite changes the rat brain to be less fearful of cat urine this leads to increases in Risk taking behavior in infected rats and lets the parasite pass onward on to the next host

Terrifying a toddler could swim through the chambers of a blue whale’s heart this might not be biological but I think you can substitute blood for eggs in baking I’m not entirely sure though still need to test it emu females are attracted sexually to human males now I

Got to compete with emu’s too those that can read the Chinese Japanese or Etc alphabets what is the most interesting tattoo you’ve come across from those who are unaware saw a guy get a tattoo in Sanskrit which meant clueless one or something across those lines it’s kind

Of a funny one sweet do the first character means water and the second one means whe but I think the tattoo is inspired from words like pidu which means way of the warrior problem is that is not the way of the water because it has gotten its own meaning which means

Water supply or water service so basically the tattoo just say water supply just by thinking I would tell that this wasn’t the plan someone I know got a tattoo of the coolest Japanese symbols it translates to Umbrella a girl who tattooed on her arm while the word itself means chicken in Chinese it

Generally means prostitute a friend of mine had a Cambodian guy name tattooed on his arm quite prominently but it wasn’t a surprise he knew what it was because the Cambodian guy got his name tattooed on his arm too they were both drunk makes for a much better story than

Just getting something you don’t know tattooed on you kind of the opposite of your question when I was in Japan I saw someone with just the word liquid on their shirt a friend of mine had a tattoo in Japanese which meant that’s a lie once saw a dude get a tattoo that

Said on his chest means stupid or idiot what of my previous bosses had a viking Rune tattoo deal that he thought said I am the boss I had to refrain from ever telling them no that it really said I have a small I don’t believe that for a

Second there’s no way that Viking Rune that said I am the boss is the same thing as I have a small dick I don’t get that that’s that’s probably a fake story what’s your most common intrusive thought when I’m looking over a cliff or driving in traffic and my ass goes jump

Hit that car did I lock the door I did right maybe I should go back and check now that’s silly I know I did didn’t I happens with house car fence Etc all the time I have quite horrific intrusive thoughts my worst one is definitely intrusive thoughts I get about my family

For anyone who needs a reminder your intrusive thoughts are not you your intrusive thoughts directly go against your morals that’s why they’re intrusive if they gross you out or Scare You the fact that you know it’s wrong is good it means it’s not actually you the more you

Try to prevent intrusive thoughts the more prominent they are if I said don’t think about a pink elephant what are you thinking about right now if you get them then acknowledge them acknowledge that they’re intrusive and go on with your day no one actually cares about you they

Only pretend so they can take advantage of you that I fallen behind and I’ll never catch up or will have to settle in everything in life as a result I dwell upon some past embarrassment that nobody else remembers I’m not supposed to be here I’m a fake imposter syndrome is

Rough thinking about what bad things can happen rather than focusing on what happening that is good whenever I’m eating with other people I suddenly start thinking I’m going to choke and spit food or water onto another person I hear the call of the Void anytime I’m on

The roof of a tall building any kind of precipice or Cliff the [ __ ] Hoover Dam I get a powerful urge to jump what is a discontinued product you wish would come back house kits you could buy from Sears and afford on minimum wage what what that’s so cool I just looked it up

That’s awesome Donald’s fried apple pie it was far in a way superior to the baked apple pie Jello-O pudding pops Crystal Pepsi vonetta ice cream cake cinnamon Cheetos they were only a limited edition for a year and they were so good they come around every winter I

Saw them last year I saw them the year before that they come around they’re just in a different bag diet cherry vanilla Dr Pepper in a can Neapolitan candies from Brocks gas for 36 Cents in the 1970s who’s the most misunderstood fictional character Frankenstein’s monster he’s a lot more complex than the

Old movies suggest walking Phoenix’s Joker you were not supposed to side with him you were just meant to understand why he did the stuff Joker is not someone you should be idolizing his relationship with Harley Quinn is quite obviously abusive the movie is supposed to show you why he does the things he

Does not to promote them if you’re counting couples I think Romeo and juliad are severely misunderstood they are touted as the embodiment of love but they literally knew each other for days before they got married and then killed themselves and Romeo had just been pinning over his precious love right

When he met Juliet they were basically two infatuated teenagers who got caught up in family politics and died for no reason snake being a double agent doesn’t absolve of you being an absolute for your whole life Ross Geller from friends he’s my imagination of a dude labeling himself as nice guy who isn’t

Valued by others Jesus Christ I’m pretty sure the guy just wanted to tell people to be chill with one another but his fandom turned into a bloodthirsty judgmental cult obsessed with power and controlling other people’s lives Squidward Jenny from forest gum it’s wild how many people hate her and ignore

That she was so screwed up because her father was molesting her she was a victim not a villain Helga from Hey Arnold yeah she’s a b and a blo hard but if you came from her family then you would be a [ __ ] Arnold is the only

Bright spot in her life Hades in most adaptations of Greek mythology they portray Hades as evil what people often forget is that he’s still a God and shouldn’t be confused with Satan compared with most of the Greek pantheon he’s quite altruistic if you gloss over the part of him kidnapping panie Mr

Krabs Draco Malfoy he’s not evil nor wants to be evil what’s the worst written scene of any show or movie you’ve seen somehow palatin returned yeah don’t get me started the storm versus Toad scene in the first X-Men movie terrible on all accounts the basketball scene in Catwoman one-on one

Riverdale when in prison Archie says that nothing someone does will ever be as important as high school football NCIS hacker scene imagine you can double your hacking by having two hackers type on the same keyboard while shouting the words IP and gigabyte at each other every scene in bmic 365 days I’m not

Going to say a scene because the whole movie is one bad scene the scene in the room where he says Lea you’re tearing me apart movie 43 Hugh Jackman with balls on the chin How I Met Your Mother season 9 in the first Final Destination film there’s a scene where one of the

Characters gets hit by a bus The Producers expected there to be so much excitement and shock from this kill in cinema that they purposely added a really unnecessary scene of the main character is just drinking water or something so that people could watch while calming down the whole Camp Rock

Movie is extremely weird and cringe last season of Game of Thrones was particularly awful considering how amazing the previous seasons were what is a song that will always be a banger Prodigy by fire starter regulate by Warren G and Nate Dog New Radicals you get what you give the greatest ’90s one

Hit wonder of all one hit wonders All the Small Things by Blink 182 Blur song 2 Gangsters Paradise Zombie by The Cranberries California Love Closing Time by Semisonic hadway what is love Sandstorm you ought to know by Alanis Morisette Friday I’m in Love by The Cure

Torn by Natalie and brilia no rugila no IM bruglia semi- Charmed Life by Third Eye Blind what’s the last country on Earth you would visit North Korea understandable Australia I’m sorry y’all are nice people but there’s way too many spiders that are bigger than my face Russia same I’m Russian I’m completely

Baffled that Australia and New Zealand made this list Tex anistan where Freedom goes to die Atlantis what is the best way to respond to is this a DAT seemingly the best response is to just get up and leave at least that’s what everyone does to me

Once I said it’s a business proposal we didn’t date for long yes Laura we’ve been married for 1.5 years it’s safe to say we’re dating 1 minute I have to ask Reddit what they think no this is a robbery proceed to Rob no this is

Patrick do you want it to be one that’s actually a good answer I think uh weird to see a real answer in one of these everything’s a date that’s how calendars work I think it’s a prune actually okay I guess I like that one since a date is

Also like of dried up fruit so sure I actually had this happen once I said why yes it is anyways we’ve been married 5 years now oh congratulations nah this is a make a wish contract and that’s how you kill the vibe instantly damn I got Catfish by an Excel spreadsheet what

Food doesn’t taste as good as it used to Planter’s cheese balls those things were like the food of the Gods when I was a kid in the’80s when they brought them back for a while a few years ago I bought a few cans only to find out they tasted like disappointment you really

Can’t go home again Tim Horton’s Donuts they used to be the bomb when they were made in store then restaurant Brands bought them and decided it was better SL cheaper to make them in a factory and ship them to stores to have them heated and topped nah I miss old Tim Hortons I

Refuse to go there now way to go Burger King people already don’t go to you so you had to ruin Tim Hortons Hostess snack cakes I haven’t had those in a long time mostly cuz like sugar does weird things to me now juice juy Fruit gum they ruined the flavor 20 years ago

It tastes bitter after 20 seconds they should just discontinue the gum my grandma’s cooking she left me her recipes when she passed but I still can’t recreate her magic uh keep trying I’m sure you’ll get it at some point then you can be the grandma KFC has gone

Way downhill in the past 25 years Pop-Tarts they are chalky SL pasty and so thin now I don’t remember them ever being that thick it might have just been because when we were smaller things felt bigger nearly all mass Market American candy bars have gone downhill even

Hershey bars stuff tastes like brown wax good Gourmet SL specialty bars abound but they’ll cost worth it though peaches I’ve commented on this many times but the last several years the peach crop has sucked I haven’t had a good juicy non-meal peach in a long time I don’t

Know what’s going on with the peach farms and trees but they’re just not as good what harmful ideas are being taught to children oh God I don’t think I have enough time for that I used to work at a movie theater back in the day and I’ll

Never forget witnessing a kid pick up their trash on their way out like a responsible person and their mother instructing them to put it back down because it’s not their responsibility probably way more harmful things being taught to kids but the story just came back to my mind that’s just despicable

Like sure they have people that come in and clean the theater after you leave but just be nice pick up after yourself it’s so easy external validation constantly chasing likes and followers the unbearable weight of Keeping Up Appearances lives and bodies that aren’t perfect seem to have no value ultimately

Wanting external validation isn’t horrible but don’t dedicate your entire life to it cuz it’ll just make you feel worse that crying is bad parents don’t learn to regulate their own emotions and expect their kids to do it then they start suppressing crying and then they grow up to be adults with zero emotional

Regulation it’s a cycle oh yeah that one’s a fun one uh I haven’t cried in years and it’s it’s not by choice that if someone teases SL bullies you that person may like you basically teaching kids at a young age that it’s okay when someone is being mean and rude to them I

Think the bully teasing thing only applies to like kindergarten after that everyone’s just evil your parents are always right until they’re not that questioning Authority is a Bad Thing obviously pick your battles on this one but yeah just blindly believing Authority uh-huh that’ll get you a real far teaching them they’re responsible

For other people feel mommy is so sad you won’t hug her child then feels obligated to hug her to make her feel better think about what this means as an adult they don’t have an opinion I’m breaking generational curses by simply listening to my kids that they’re dumb

And don’t know anything kids are incredibly bright and will call you out on your for as dumb as kids can be y’all are pretty smart men of Reddit what is something you wish other men would stop doing caring about over masculinity that’s one insulting their friends to

Look cool and in front of a girl yeah it’s just a low blow don’t do it that thing where a girl turns you down so you suddenly call her an ugly bee it’s really not hard to not be a rude piece of and it makes you sound pathetic have

Some respect and imagine your grandmother could hear you fellas remember women don’t owe you anything so if they deny you just take it on the chin and walk away not washing hands after using public bathrooms did we not learn anything in the past 3 years being overly horny and hitting on women

Non-stop who clearly are uncomfortable it’s hard to watch there’s a time and a place and if you are at that time and place but there’re still not into it then uh take the hint I wish y’all would stop trying to be Mr tough arrogant guy when an attractive woman is in your

Presence joining mlms and being really vague about what they do I don’t want an exclusive chance to gain you as a mentor I sat next to you in pre-algebra and know that the concept of math escapes you also stop renting luxury vehicles for a weekend and prot pretending you

Made it maybe I’m just a hater but if your whole plan is to not just fake it till you make it but to flex till you make it then I’m not interested in whatever opportunity you’re trying to sell me peeing on the seat you’re a

Grown man lift the seat or sit if you can’t get all your piss dribbles in the hole you might have hentai in your name but you are spinning being afraid to open up to each other fellas is it gay to have emotions acting overly manly and not smiling like chill man I’m not

Trying to pee on your territory how do you accept being ugly slowly that’s that’s how I’ve done it with the simple technique called denial you too can become as handsome as me my grandma used to say everybody looks good in blue if you don’t look good in blue then I guess

You’re just ugly so I guess buy a jean jacket and go from there plenty of ugly people out there man I’ve known plenty of them to be happy plenty of friends happily married and otherwise successful plenty of people out there who don’t just hate people because of their face

I’m ugly and I’m proud I’m ugly and I’m proud what’s something you have that you’re 99% sure no one else in the comments will have a guitar pick tossed to me by Johnny Cash during a concert in 1988 ah no I got that one too a basket

Made by my grandma from an armadillo she killed because it was eating up her garden the nose and tail touch making the handle edit SL update I’m out of town this week pinky promised to come back with a picture and we’ll never see the picture unless we do and wo here it

Is wow that’s cool a copy of the original shooting script of The Princess Bride autographed by nearly the entire cast a giant 6ot fiberglass Hello Kitty statue from outside the sreo store in Japan one of the invitations to Hogwarts used in the filming of the first Harry Potter movie that actually would be

Pretty cool but I feel like a lot of people would have them you know just considering how many letters that kid got what does your country do the best queuing by the looks of things in London at the minute African prince that needs 50 million after his father’s death has

Entered the chat start world wars and losing them play hockey hockey what is that you made that up sleep after lunch are you from Middle Earth are you in the Shire cycling uh I mean everybody bikes but I’m going to say France schnitzel oh the guys that suck at world wars halumi

And Corruption I I have no idea what that is nasil lak coconut rice I still lost no clue cars beer and bureaucracy I was going to guess America but I also don’t think 90% of people know how to say bureaucracy so who’s the best comedian of all time in your opinion Bob

Newart just so his name’s on this thread dude needs a mention that he does because I’ve never heard of him George Carlin honorable mention to Bill Burr Doug stanh hope I scrolled down so far and didn’t see his name once sorry to anyone that’s already posted him Billy Conelly the most Windswept and

Interesting as well Monty Python as a group I don’t think there’s been a single more influential comedy act than Flying Circus Robin Williams had absolutely insane standup sets just absolutely manic George Carlin was in the game a long time and was a master at Reinventing himself to stay relevant

Mitch Hedberg was brilliant at taking you in One Direction than doing a complete 180 at the punchline but I got to go with Steve Martin his standup was brilliant completely self-deprecating and totally Bonkers we’re lucky he’s still with us and putting out good content Robin Williams rest in peace

King what sauce do you eat with your fries Raising Cane sauce all right uh here’s another thing to murder me for I don’t like raisin canes it’s kind of mid salt not necessarily a sauce so try again waterburger spicy ketchup I still haven’t tried it even though there’s

Finally one in my town I I I’ll I’ll get on it gravy ooh you’re talking about poutine ooh oh I want it so bad aoli on the sidei T Zaki tazi I I’ll never learn how to say that and I’ve never tried it honey mustard it’s a safe Choice malt

Vinegar oh that I don’t know why that sounds really gross barbecue sauce I guess it depends on what fries you’re having if they’re like McDonald’s then maybe not ketchup and Mayo I feel like Wendy’s really thrust Mayo into my fast food experience and I’m not mad what are

Some traditions and Customs that have fallen by the wayside if you look at old homesteads you can sometimes see two cedar trees in the front of the house these were planted when a couple got married oh interesting I never knew that Sunday dinner with the fam contacting people only during certain hours that

Goes for co-workers too wearing hats everyone except very small children wore a hat almost all the time it’s also one of the Traditions that was both common worldwide and has also disappeared worldwide informing job applicants that someone else was hired I still think it should be illegal for them to just never

Respond to you especially if you’re waiting on a call back like what I’ve wasted my time people used to wear black for a month after a spouse passed away well you only have so many black clothes so eh actually training new employees instead of only looking for candidates

That can hit the ground running yeah seemingly the new training policy is to send the trainee off with another employee who barely got trained themselves so then you kind of just get depreciating knowledge of the job as time goes on what song has the most disturbing lyrics of All Time one way or

Another by Blondie most of the lyrics are literally messages Debbie Harry got from a stalker also Every Breath You Take by the police every move you make and every vow you break every smile you fake every claim you stake I’ll be watching you yeah really creepy the end

Of daddy by corn when Jonathan Davis is just screaming and crying in anguish Immortal Technique Dance with the Devil this is one that’s always like this isn’t so bad why did this use to bother me so much through the first half of the song and then the next part comes on and

Like nah I’m good don’t need to Rel that again Pumped Up Kicks still a banger that’s so wrong have an up vote honestly Jeremy by Pearl Jam the longer I teach the more it gets to me Every Breath You Take grows more Sinister every time I

Hear it the end a song by the doors on their first record Kim by Eminem what is the most disturbing book you have ever read 5 days at Memorial non-fiction account of what happened at a large new Orleans hospital during and after Katrina ooh that actually sounds really

Fascinating anyone else ever read that book when they were younger called unwind don’t know why it was available in our Middle School library but it was about unwanted children getting sent to camps where instead of being killed their bodies were legally disassembled for people in need of transplants maybe

It’s more effed up in my memory than it is in reality but I remember being deeply disturbed by it Misery by Stephen King the horror and suffering the main character went through was easily felt the insanity of the person keeping them captive and the way they were able to

Look sane in front of others and the police was chilling we need to talk about Kevin unsettled the absolute out of me apt pupil by Stephen King too in terms of horror horror the passage by Justin Cronin was excellently scary Rage or the longest walk but really anything

I’ve read by Chuck paluck if I said his name wrong I’m sorry I’m not I’m not a genius okay A Child Called it was no picnic the painted bird all right people when we’re doing these you got to put the author in there so we can look them up acceptable risk it’s realistic

Fiction based on the idea that the Salem Witch Trials were caused by a hallucinogenic fungus in Ry flower it was a really good read but also yeesh Black Beauty seriously I read this to my Elementary School child every night over course of a couple weeks the brutality and animal cruelty was something else

Eventually I switched to another book for a night nighttime story but I read that sucker to the end who knew this book was like that children of the Dust I had to read it in elementary school in the 8S it was about the survivors of a nuclear war and it was pretty horrifying

I read The Exorcist on a stormy winter 12-hour night shift at a gas station back in the’ 60s most gas stations were just basically metal sheds the whole building rattled all night couldn’t put the book down probably had only three customers all shift still went to see

The movie though really scared theit out of myself when I was taking psychology I read a book called kids who kill and it was a book about young kids with psychopathy what is the worst question you have ever been asked when I was 17 and my only brother 19 died unexpectedly

Each of my parents divorced asked why it couldn’t have been me separately that is beyond messed up I’m so sorry what’s those on your face acne do you have any friends you seem like you’re kind of awkward and don’t have friends we’d never even met in real life so needless

To say he got got blocked straight after why are you so quiet oh it’s my favorite question it’s cuz I don’t want to freaking talk to you your husband will leave you if you don’t wear nicer clothes you know that right said my mom when I was literally not going anywhere

And staying home all day wearing comfy clothes she just won the game of who’s going to the retirement home why aren’t you normal a stepparent asked me that multiple times when I was 12 I was just a bit clumsy and shy why don’t you have

Kids in this economy why would I do that if every man simply disappeared what would happen to the world the Taliban probably wouldn’t be as much of a problem thanks to cryo Banks we’d likely see more men reappear within a decade question is where are we going to is it

A new planet or are we just dying not necessarily dying or getting sent somewhere else more just like a Thanos just a fair bit of lesbianism moderate to severe lesbianism heavy to Industrial lesbianism I don’t know why the term Industrial lesbianism so funny to me it

Will become no man land r/ dad jokes well technically no more dad jokes hey women can be great fathers so they can make great dad jokes as well it’s a no man’s world it’s rainning no men’s no man in the mirror we are finally free toilet seats would stay down I never

Understood this it’s like either just put it back down or aim better I don’t I don’t get it the next generation of men from the sperm banks are going to be living a very happy life what’s up with all these threats is trying to pit the Sexes against each other notice that as

Well the men tired of men and women tired of women post yesterday made me really uncomfortable too I don’t know easy for convo to get heated discussing such things what is falsely seen as a sign of maturity having a spouse and kids being in a relationship having kids

Working 60 plus hours a week nobody should ever work 60 plus hours a week like that’s inhumane being above humor and putting others down for joking around when you are a true adult you can also know how to be a child not acting childish sounds so strange but the most

Mature people usually have no problem tapping into their childish or silly sides immature people overdo it trying to be cool not apologizing to younger people being an adult means being the bigger man or woman so apologize when you’re wrong a beard mine started to be

Full with 14 but I was still a fraking kid though having a high position in a hierarchal company having a career require very specialized expertise I know doctors and lawyers who are incredibly emotionally immature their kids are usually good evidence of this hidden secret you’re the last person on

Earth what’s the first thing you do the first thing I do is go to the hardware store and get a ton of those triangular door stops the rubber ones you get to jam under a door to keep it open the last thing I want to do is end up

Trapped in some parking garage stairwell and slowly die of thirst break into the fanciest house I can find and live in it gather supplies read survival slf farming books oh Bill Murray’s house just be careful of any zombies walking around pile up books to read from the

Ruins of the library then promptly break my glasses it’s not fair it’s just not fair everything will be 100% off I’m going on a shopping spree start getting the last word on Reddit posts I mean that’s under the assumption the internet still works because if there’s nobody

Then how is the Internet getting run huh take off my clothes I will be living naked now till a fcking snake goes into your ass M sounds nice all right get him out of here get get him out of here live in Costco that does sound fun but I

Don’t know how well insulated Costco are it’s all concrete start turning the lights off I hate light pollution at night ooh that would actually be super cool with nobody on Earth you just turn the power grid off and boom you finally get to see the stars drive to Area 51

And hang out with the aliens see what’s going on in the Vatican Library well you’re going to have to try try and get there first unless you’re already in Italy assuming animals are still alive I’d go try to join a band of gorillas teach them rock paper scissors or

Something yeah good luck with that before they smash your brain in what do people pretend to like mandatory corporate fun oh it’s just the worst it’s so bad when they try it their job what no I love my job I love delivering pizza all day and driving my car and not

Getting tip gold leaf on food it makes no sense why did we start doing to make it look fancy it’s useless when someone sings happy birthday to you you just got to sit there and it’s weird you don’t know what to do with your hands and H obnoxious over singing in television

Talent shows gender reveal parties I don’t know how we’re still doing it after the many many wildfires whatever celebrity died most recently the queen uh she’s just kicking it with Reagan and Thatcher now their spouse’s BFF also the best friend’s spouse the present no one wanted jeez you sound like my dang dad

Food answers only where do you live hamburgers and rupy baby that’s where I live meatballs and mashed potatoes with lingen berry jam on the side Sweden also Ikea poutine I was just going to say that tabernac going to guess Quebec I got mad beef with Quebec not like the

Real country but in Civilization they went to war with me for no reason I’m still mad south of cheese east of corn Illinois correct Euros grease in it cheese steaks soft pretzels tasty cakes and water ice yo Philly gumbo Louisiana fish and chips UK french fries and klaw

On a sandwich also Hines ketchup hey Pittsburg Bagel New York are you sure because I would imagine Pizza New York Pizza Basta wo my burrito has french fries in it SoCal I love a California Burrito honestly they are a little slept on even though the French french fries

Are B they’re just potatoes so a potato burrito is California whatever in 50 years what will people be nostalgic for owning something you don’t pay a subscription for it’s more likely than you think I heard BMWs you have to pay a subscription service to use heated seats what being confident that the person

They see on screen is a real person and not AI I have a can of Frozen themed chicken noodle soup that I plan to sell when I’m 70 so hopefully that cuz I don’t have a lot of money in my retirement fund privacy even babies are Overexposed today being able to be

Anonymous online I’m sure we’ll still find ways to hide ourselves movies made 30 years from now Nostalgia always runs in 20year Cycles Keys even more specific vehicle keys even more specific Alicia Keys I guess even more specific The Black Keys well I’ll be0 so I’m going to

Say breathing if you could bankrupt one company which one would you pick and why Nestle is the scum of the earth Nestle owns the scum of the earth and will now charge you for each drop of it that is taken Nestle is copyrighted scum of the

Earth so you will have to pay to use those words Bank of America I deposited $750 one time and somehow they still can’t find it 5 years later even though I had the receipt for the deposit they still would not honor it frig them and their mothers Ticket Master venue fee

Ticket Master Fee seat reservation fee floor space reservation fee print at home fee will call Fee scan on your phone fee popular band fee unpopular band fee because we can fee frig you fee the biggest scam out of all of them is the convenience fee it’s not being a

Convenience anymore you are the only way to buy these tickets I think if you want to see the world burn deuts bank would be high on the list also it would be welld deserved 5 minute crafts let’s see if they can make a life hack for company

Getting bankrupt a few months ago my kids put on a lemonade stand in our driveway it was cute and they were selling cups of lemonade for a dollar a cup after a few hours they made around $100 from sales and tips which was cool as a dad to see the following week the

Kids across the street did the same thing I choose them meta they’re doing that to themselves already the biggest crime other than Zuckerberg is that they forced Oculus to change their name they a pioneered VR and no yeah no meta made it actually haha I couldn’t pick just

One can I have an easy your question Autism Speaks they don’t represent us Facebook or meta that would bring down so many others attached to it Maximum Destruction Nestle they are one of the worst companies on Earth right now look up the Nestle Water Scandal not just water Scandal chocolate slave farming

And third world mother breast milk formula edit horrible syntax also Nestle pushes their baby formula in third world countries to mothers with the BS that their formula is better than breast milk not only that they give it away for free at the beginning only just long enough

For the mother’s breast milk to dry up and then they have to buy the formula the Murdoch group the amount of damage that man has done to the UK us and Australia should see him imprisoned for Life realistically what’s stopping us from World Peace greed stupidity lack of

Empathy the world is run by people who have no interest in peace or letting everyone else Thrive scarcity whether real or perceived only justif ation for tribalism is that it secures resources to be allocated amongst the tribe even if we somehow eradicated propaganda that make people believe in false scarcity

We’d still have to deal with artificial scarcity that is propped up by corporate government SLC corporations and then two Remains the real deal ofinity in nature browse Reddit for 5 minutes people just like that rise to power humans yeah it seems like no matter what else might

Change humans are going to human the human nature of tribalism we’d all have to agree on what that means first profit 34th rule of acquisition war is good for business that’s why America’s so good at War baby difference of opinion I disagree what’s the fascination with big

Uh well I mean do I really have to I mean let’s see what people said I just like when they stick out more than my gut signed a woman boing boing yes yes quite oh wait no ew I’m not listening to toe sucker gross life cold life hard

Warm soft boobs are awesome and when they’re bigger there’s more boob boa monkey brain correlates sexual attraction of large breasts to be a desirable trait for a partner monkey brain be like ooh big mommy milkies she’ll feed many a babe I read this in an Adam Sandler

Voice I don’t know how to how would he do that I love how in the other related questions everyone’s like oh it doesn’t matter what size or boobs but when bigs are mentioned are brains wiring mess up neuron activation me I’m not really into anybody to be honest

Brain what if she had Bobs me you crazy son of a [ __ ] I’m in what car says I have money but I’m not showing it off Toyota Land Cruiser $80,000 SUV and super capable but to the untrained eye it’s a Highlander 90s Toyota 4×4 I think that’s also a 4Runner still would that

Be a 4Runner I don’t know pick a Volvo you really you don’t see them out in the road that much anything older that’s properly maintained and running well anything older that’s not rusted out in places that put salt on the road in the winter Toyota Avalon Limited ooh I just

Looked that up and it that does look pretty nice it kind of just looks like a Corolla but a little fancier some pickup trucks are surprisingly expensive but don’t look like it 1989 Chevy Celebrity 1983 Toyota Corolla what is the creepiest thing you’ve ever experienced

In your home one night a few years ago when I was sleeping a big wolf spider crawled on my face oh go oh no oh it’s not like an extremely creepy thing but still I was living with my mom and stepdad when it happened and that day

They were out so I had to look after the cat at some point I’m in the living room and the cat is at the bottom of the staircase staring at the door as if he saw something now before I explain what happened the door was locked and we have

A curtain in front of it literally no one can knock on the door or even reach it so I asked the cat something up there he stared at me and I suddenly heard the door knob like someone was forcibly trying to open it and it came from

Inside of the house it couldn’t come from outside I stayed there Frozen looking at the door and then decided to go back to my room and wait for my mom and stepdad to get back it’s the only time it ever happened to me look if it’s cold outside the ghosts are cold let

Them in one night when I was about 11: and Home Alone an intense thunder and lightning storm developed during a loud clap of thunder and Brilliant lightning flash it illuminated the entire two-story house I heard a spooky sound simultaneously with the Thunder seems that one of the chains that holds the

Heavy weights on the grandfather clock in the foyer broke allowing the weight to whack the dong and bang the pendulum as it crashed into the bottom of the clock case at that point I was convinced that something evil was lurking in the house so I stayed in my room cowering

With the door locked until my parents finally returned home we had moved to a new rental house a few months before giving birth to my second son first son was 6 years old I was working full-time and very tired after working all day coming home doing housework cooking

Dinner and helping with homework Etc after bathing my older son and getting him in bed I would fall asleep on the sofa most nights before going to bed one night I thought I heard my son walking in the hallway but when I opened my eyes I saw an older gentleman holding a

Little girl’s hand walking down the hall when I jumped up they just disappeared this happened quite often and I thought I was going crazy after about a year or so we purchased our own home and was packing to move my older son and I were in his bedroom getting his things in

Order he asked me so calmly if the man and little girl were going with us I had never mention this to anyone when I inquired about whom he was talking he stated the ones that live in his closet I immediately got cold chills and knew I had not been hallucinating he was not

Scared about it at all just matter of fact about it I was so relieved they did not move with us one night when I was asleep I sensed that someone was watching me sleep I looked around but no one was there after I went back to sleep

I heard some footsteps that went pitter patter and an apologetic voice saying I’m sorry still no one was there ooh spooky at 2:00 in the morning I was smoking a cigarette on the front step of my apartment the entire time I was standing there there was an absolute

Silence all of a sudden a train horn sounds the 5-year-old child next door screams and a sudden wind gust slams The Open Door against my shoulder I swear to God I thought a ghost was attacking me for exactly 1 second my eyes were watering and my heart was racing I think

That stuff Cut 2 years off my life for the record the young child yelled possibly because she and her mother were playing they always stayed up late 2: a.m. is extremely late for a 5-year-old WTF when my daughter was 2 I was snuggling with her in my bed and we fell

Asleep I woke up to my dog who was in the backyard at the time going nuts I rolled off the bed and stepped into the hallway and there was an old lady standing there staring at me I froze and said um can I help you she answered I

Was cold then she turned around confused and headed for the door I followed her out and asked her if she needed me to call someone but she just took off I called the police non-emergency line and apparently she is pretty well known to them she has dementia and lives down the

Street from me with family I have never accidentally left the door unlocked again at least she didn’t try and stay in the house and she just willingly left that that’s at least the safe thing there what is the best struggle meal red beans and rice spam and rice the poor

Hawaiian kid kid special I’ll say it a million times spam is some of the best meat food whatever so good I love spam I had spam the other day in a sandwich and I had some spam before that with some eggs oh so good noodles nothing wrong with instant noodles toast with butter

And sugar the comfort food I had when po as was grilled cheese that you dip in warm tomato soup tastes like pizza and I still do it from time to time good old classic peanut butter and jelly sandwich soft fried egg added to a tortilla with

Cheese and salsa put back into the pan for a minute to get the tortilla crispy a nice big bowl of sleep for dinner I used to just put a slice of bread with a slice of cheese in the microwave for like 20 seconds and then roll it up

Beans on toast that’s why they call me the baked bean Queen ew are you British disgusting which conspiracy theory do you believe and why the Killer Clown craze from 2016 was a gorilla marketing campaign for the It remake that got way out of hand even if you un installed

Macafee it still comes back the CIA keeps posting this question to Reddit to see how many people are into them I’m I’m going to assume that means onto them I don’t think anyone’s into the CIA my fave conspiracy theory that the T-Rex arms are short little arms turn them

Around and they’re tiny wings like an ostrich I fuing love this I’m down to believe this and you’ll have to show me an intact T-rex or invent time travel for me to do anything but quietly believe otherwise that the ditos are failed new clones I know this one is

Deep guys I’m I’m going to talk about Pokémon all right think about it ditto and Mew are both pink and the shinies for both of them are both light blue it’s the same thing they’re the only two Pokémon that can no transform they they oh God it’s so cool it’s such a good

Theory it’s so cool Andrew Tate is John F Kennedy’s daughter excuse me Tik Tok is intentionally feeding American children dumbing content while contrarily feeds Chinese children math and Engineering content owned by China’s government also it’s likely back door on your phone if you have the app to take

Info of yours too many conspiracy theories all at once this one is just a fact Ivana Trump did not fall downstairs by herself I also think there are probably more classified documents buried with her I just saw the most evil person post so who is the best or most

Saintly person alive today probably someone you don’t even know and is not famous the person who buys the needy food and doesn’t post it on social media Dolly Parton James Harrison the special antibodies in his blood have saved the lives of 2 million infants he has

Donated every week until the age of 81 risking his own health to save the lives of others he’s a hero the person reading this I love you homie a stop oh so sweet David Attenborough for sure my mom Betty White they said alive got them get it

Cuz Betty White is dead according to the local news it’s John CA what is one thing that tells you with 100% certainty that someone is boring 99% of the time someone has introduced themselves as an entrepreneur my night has been very very boring all they talk about is other

People and it’s always negative the only thing they talk about is themselves people that need to cut off someone else’s story or conversation just to correct something they said interesting people are interesting in other words people who don’t take an interest and are not curious about others in a

Conversation are boring not asking questions from you and just talking about themselves as a clear red flag if they always complain about being bored what’s the saying if it smells like everywhere you go you should check your shoe something like that only boring people get bored they like Jeopardy it’s

Me I’m someone hey nothing wrong with Jeopardy Jeopardy’s fun I don’t really listen to music I would I could never be friends with someone who doesn’t listen to music even if it’s music I don’t like I’d rather be friends with someone who listens to country music than someone

Who doesn’t listen to music at all as long as they’re not a conservative what song are you currently listening to a Spotify ad want to break from the ads okay welcome to the internet I believe that’s Bo Bur regulate by Warren G featuring Nate Dog Killer Queen by Queen is that a JoJo’s

Reference Bad Religion Feelgood ink by the gorillas see bat are you are you fuing Al Green Stay Together my future by Billy ish first time listening to it it’s nice do host by romstein whoop by fire by Leonard Cohen recently fixed up my old CD player for the Nostalgia I

Once pronounced when I was in Middle School I pronounced Leonard as Leonard in front of my entire um eighth grade language arts class I got laughed at dang Miller featuring Anderson pck The Sound of Silence no literally no music is playing what do you hate about the education system how grades are so

Emphasized in order for a student to pass instead of if they actually understand or not most students only do what they have to to pass not to learn and actually understand what they’re being taught people other than teachers making curriculum people who have never been in a damn classroom telling me how

To do my job how they talk to you the authoritarianism of it all the whole educational system is based on teachers unpaid labor the people that come up with the curriculum I live in Texas so gestures broadly how do you feel about guys with painted nails if I could live

In a house without judgment I would have my nails painted all the time I just think it’s fun personally just for me it doesn’t concern me at all what really concerns me are people that care in the slightest about some guy painting his nails David Bowie Mark Bolan and Alice

Cooper been doing it since 1971 if they’re using them for assassinations like if they’re poisonous and they’re going around scratching people then yeah I have issues with it otherwise who [ __ ] cares unless it really clashes with the color of their clothes then call the fashion police maybe my wife

Found it very hot when I painted my nails black for Halloween she mentions it whenever she remembers please tell me you did it again I will old news punks already did this in the’ 70s it screams confidence what do you guys think about painting your nails if you’re you know a

Man what is a movie you genuinely think should have a sequel not so much anymore because of Army Hammer but always wanted to see a sequel to The Man from Uncle Beetlejuice Beetlejuice beetle juu bugs life Gremlins three either them taking over Washington the White House or just

Make it a Halloween theme like the first one is Christmas themed the trumman show the Batman and Joker Inception it’s my favorite Nolan film Megamind I thought we were getting a mega mind sequel are we not what’s a little known movie that more people should watch maybe it’s not

Entirely unknown but People Under the Stairs is an underrated classic Mouse hunt 1997 rubber it’s about a tire that kills people Gods Must Be Crazy it’s hilarious James and the Giant Peach kid-friendly great family movie beautifully animated old and original they simply don’t make them the same

Kung Fu Hustle it’s hilarious I always recommend frequently asked questions about time travel so good what do you hate the most about Humanity that people who are constantly or disrespectful just get away with it because that’s who they are but when little me breaks and has one disrespectful retort or nasty

Attitude I get raked over the coals for it we make everything so damn complicated for no legit reasons I think there’s actually not much of the humanity left now how long have you got ironically hate itself we’re the only species on this planet that could end it

What did you have for breakfast I think I skipped breakfast this morning I can’t I don’t remember usually I have an egg sandwich though with like turkey and pepper jack cheese and some whole wheat toast I don’t know coffee I had a bowl of oatmeal with milk and sugar I had

Toast with butter next time try butter with toast it’s a game changer ex Scramble with some bacon Tomatoes spinach and mushrooms my wife is awesome hemain cinnamon rolls nothing air has entered the chat old of you to assume that I wake up before 11:30 a.m. breakfast is the first meal of the day

You know the one that breaks your fast old of you to assume that I fast at night a bagel with cream cheese in the form of a question a croissant with a banana and some tea what is is a quote from a fictional character that has

Stuck with you ever since if more of us valued food and cheer and song Above hoarded gold it would be a marrier world Thor in Oaken shield from The Hobbit if a lot of people love each other the world would be a better place Johnny the

Room oh hi Mark I wish it need not have happened in my time said Frodo so do I said Gandalf and so do all who live to see such times that is not for them to decide all we have to decide is what to do with the time that is given us no

Amount of money bought a second a time Tony Stark they like the things science gives them but not the questions science asks from Franken weenie I think it stuck with me because I heard it at such a young age it does not do well to dwell on dreams and forget to live Dumbledore

Of course it’s all in your head but why on Earth should that have to mean it isn’t real Dumbledore I swear by my pretty floral Bonnet I will end you you never get a happy ending cuz there’s always more show Bojack Horsemen they laugh at me because I’m Different I

Laugh at them because they’re all the same ain’t no way this guy just quoted Joker all right I have a good one mine is from siline from Pokemon Legends archus it is how others choose to view you is a choice only they can make make

You cannot make it for them I think it’s a really nice one and I have it saved because I think it’s neat what quote do you wish people would stop using if you can’t handle me at my worst you don’t deserve me at my best any of the ones

Attributed to Albert Einstein the customer is always right different variations of the phrase yeah I’m a but I’m the most loyal MF you’ll ever meet as if it’s a virtue to be inconsiderate head to all but a select few people don’t be nervous it just makes me more

Nervous well I’m a bit over Karen no so here’s the thing as long as Karen still exists we’re going to keep calling them Karens until people start respecting retail workers and fast food workers and any underpaid worker like that they’re Kens I don’t care if you’re over it or

Not I did a thing ah the millennial Anthem I love Dr Seuss but if I have to see don’t cry because it’s over smile because it happened one more time I’m going to lose it no pain no gain as someone into fitness I hate hearing this

Even when it’s just joking around in the gym pain is your body saying please stop doing this before you end up injured what is something everyone loves but you hate long phone calls raymen so you’re his brother hookups and one night stands I don’t think anyone loves hookups and

One night stands I just think it’s a it’s a need that people need fulfilled not all people some people and they’ll seek it out maybe don’t be so judgmental social media sometimes I feel like a weirdo am I the only one that loves privacy myself that TV show Friends

Olives same olives are fuing disgusting and they’re right olives are gross if you like olives comment below and tell me that I’m wrong say Mason you’re wrong olives are good and I will dislike that looks fun in movies but is not fun in real life fighting Movie heroes always

Take punches and are unscathed in the next scene except for minor bruising IRL they’d be incapacitated for a few days and maybe suffer a concussion constant misunderstandings prom being shot at by 50 guys getting a taxi the price is enough to ruin your day Tarzan surfing on trees imagine the splinters I’d get

Myself even though I’m Keen to be dynamic like him Snakes on a Plane going to UNI dating in the movies there’s a meat cute followed by a montage of fun romantic dates real life awkwardness uncertainty insecurity and Dread High School what is the worst thing you’ve

Ever had to clean up cow died in a pond and I had to drag it out it had been there a few days so it was pretty rip I’m going to throw up that’s [ __ ] gross dog ran in from the garden jumped on the bed and vomited her breakfast

Plus a cat poo that she’d just eaten hard to describe how bad that smelled overflowing grease trap in a restaurant kitchen nasty I used to clean public park restrooms in Texas in August I quit to work in a sewer plant because it smelled better Camp trash cans that had

Been Camp trash can that hadn’t been cleaned in so long maggots were squirming all over them my first job was detailing cars we had a station wagon roll in that two large dogs had used as a dogghouse toilet labor and deliver room it was a pretty solid nightmare

Fuel grease trrap at a restaurant that hadn’t been cleaned in 2 years I vomited constantly from the smell to the point that my nose bled while wearing a respirator gun to your head you can only eat one dish for the rest of your life what is it my answer is tomato soup what

Do you guys think okay hear me out potatoes uh it might have to be a little more specific cuz the man with the gun your head might just put raw potatoes in front of you if I can only eat one thing I’d eat the bullet eating is one of like

Five things that keep me going oh tacos easy dot I don’t think dot would be very nutritious Sushi beat me to it salad because they’re extremely versatile and customizable and you can add as much or as little of almost anything you want wait the rest of my life you’re going to

Shoot me once I’ve eaten aren’t you there’s no way you can hold a gun to my head for several years I’ll have a crispy deep fried chili beef with special fry please since I’m going to anyway beef stew loaded with vegetables carrots celery onion green beans potatoes and mushrooms you could eat

Them at aarte salmon oven roasted potatoes broccoli zuccini peppers sweet potatoes and a sight of avocado what is the new American Dream to have enough money working one job to live comfortably current objective survive having enough money not to be stressed 24/7 about something breaking to be able

To own a home retire before 70 and to be covered enough in a medical situation that you don’t end up homeless after a routine operation to get hit by a post truck or other government government vehicle and get just injured enough to sue but not too injured as to not be

Able to enjoy your payout a America to not have roommates paying rent and having enough left over for a meal same as it always been get super rich doing very little work that’s why influencer is a dream job and people invest in crazy things like crypto and nfts people

Want to hit home runs and they don’t want to grind for a decent living it’s just harder to achieve now if you can get one more season from your favorite TV show which one would it be M Hunter this is the right answer Pushing Daisies

My Name is Earl Game of Thrones I don’t want a ninth season though I want them to have a second try at season 8 Hannibal Community hey you got a movie Futurama good news everyone How I Met Your Mother they need to make the last two episodes a whole season so they

Don’t give the audience Whiplash when they threw out everything they had previously built up more time with Ted and his wife and with Robin and Barney before the divorce and the death and then have the last episode the same but the end of season 10 what’s better when

It’s smaller kidney stone debt bouts of diarrhea tumors yeah yeah for sure inflation time spent on Reddit problems a shart those tiny M&M’s you get for Halloween oh that’s so true the tiny M&M’s taste so much better than the regular M&M’s if you were 22 again what

Would you do differently go back to college sooner divorce much earlier get a good therapist and date people who have great follow-through rather than lots of potential I went backpacking through Europe when I was 20 it was what really pushed me out of my comfort zone

But also gave me a whole new perspective of how America didn’t really have the Monopoly on freedom but if I was 22 I would have just graduated college and gone back to Europe and stayed there instead I just worked on a couple different careers and became a hobby

Farmer which I enjoy but now really prevents me from expatriating unless I make a lot of sacrifices break up with my high school boyfriend and enter a different industry start lifting weights not too much tweak a few decisions I had made hey fair enough stop using credit

Cards to buy things that I couldn’t afford what is a simple thing that makes you happy mine would be getting home from work and being greeted at the door by my cat all the cat subreddits being told I’m proud of you iced black coffee in the morning sun out living an enemy

It’s one of the few satisf actions of old age some people love to live off Spite and that’s okay hanging out with friends nature a compliment means I’m doing something right McDonald’s chicken nuggets flowers and a nice cup of tea if you could delete anything in this world

What would it be War Hate violence and judgment anyone who says people people ah he got you he got you my third nipple Meg Megatron religion your account thank you Sigma not the Press with the Roblox Weezer profile picture the internet let’s see how broad the human knowledge

Is when we remove it in in their lives cuz I’m sure a lot of people pretend to be smart by just looking up on the Internet cuz I believe that true knowledge is shown by real life practice not search copy paste wow this guy’s really fuing annoying this guy’s

Annoying you’re you’re a nerd you’re fing dweeb get a job you dating your username how good do you have it no I don’t want to be a furry tired of hearing about how much they bench press probably pretty bad oh no oh no I’m dating a vehicle it’s pretty queer all

Right oh yeah I’m in heaven if life was a video game then what could be some achievements bring joy make someone else smile achievements unlocked slippery slope yourself in public after trying to let out a silent fart I’ll start my middle name is danger and my first name is dumb

Put yourself into a near-death experience on purpose and survive what the hell are you smoking yes emotional Insight awareness and capacity to process emotions in a healthy manner achievement unlocked you went 30 days without offending someone trophy you live a boring life okay Class Clown make a joke everyone will remember for the

Depressed you’ve brushed your teeth tax God do your taxes without making a mistake or paying anyone to do it for you what’s a fact that some people just can’t accept science doesn’t care what you believe that life isn’t supposed to be fair and that equality of opportunity

And equality of outcome are not the same facts aren’t opinions not everyone that disagrees with them is an evil person trying to push some malevolent agenda you can do the best not make mistakes and still lose life isn’t fair you can and and will be wrong being part of the

Alphabet Mafia doesn’t actually make you a better person you can be gay trans buy whatever and be a piece of I’m gay and agree you’ve been gay certified the term alphabet Mafia is conspiratorial and derogatory it seems a little cucked to agree with him TBH but I like your positivity yeah something doesn’t

Something doesn’t feel right here that we are the same humans as samarians Romans and all the people who were alive thousand years ago it doesn’t matter if it’s 2022 or 7,000 BC that their choices have more impact on their life than they are willing to admit people who ride

Ridiculously loud motorcycles on purpose why I’m far more interested in hearing from people who accidentally ride ridiculously loud motorcycles their story should be a doozy there’s a South Park episode that addresses this question I know which one you’re talking about I wish I knew so I’d maybe have a

Reason to be empathetic to my neighbor that wakes my kids up at least four times a week revving his super cool bike to take off at 20 mph on a quiet residential street motorcycles are a bit like alcohol it’s fun to be drunk it’s not fun to be sober around drunks look

At me look at me I’m important I was into loud car audio and I was in an immature [ __ ] I wish I could apologize loud motorcycle guy is like a toddler that walks around banging pans together what is a minor inconvenience that instantly P you off when I go to a

Web page but it doesn’t load all at once so when you go to click something the page shifts says other things load in and you end up clicking the wrong thing when this happens I can feel my body physically reeling from the anger and stress people standing in doorways

Especially people standing in groups having conversations in doorways get the hell out of the way already people’s lack of awareness of really astounds me when you bite your tongue or cheek while eating and then suddenly that one particular spot becomes like a magnet attracting your teeth to it and you keep

Biting it when a ballpoint pen doesn’t work when it clearly has ink in it it is one job when the people walking in front of me are really slow but also spread out so you can’t walk past them ads that try to hide the x button by putting

Something white where the button is forgot password ah enters new password new password can’t be the same is the old password ads in the middle of videos ads that block the paragraph I just started reading ads that are made to look like normal content ads the incorrect autocorrect when the cord for

My headphones catches on something and they’re yanked for my ears just get Bluetooth headphones silly silly Billy struggling to get clothes off for whatever reason makes me panic and see red sports bra plus sweaty body equals panic and having an itch on the bottom of your foot but wearing shoes that’s

Brutal especially while driving you become emperor of the world and everybody has to obey you what do you do first tell everyone to chill the fu out Execute Order 66 of course put somebody else in charge and take a week off in Australia we call that the Scott

Morrison approach not without a trip to Hawaii while the country is burning the sco no show I just realized if I had this power most people wouldn’t remember me as a nice person First Act no matter what I do you must remember me as a nice

Person hey that solves a lot of problems there get Google to teach the maps lady how to pronounce Welsh locations I did the Australian accent on my GPS and hearing her pronounce the names of places where I live that are indigenous American and origin is interesting play

The world’s largest game of Simon Says losers get dragged to hell but if you win you get a medal a medal count me in build a huge mansion on a private island then would get to the boring stuff like World beasts personal piece is very important to take wise decisions every

Item of clothing must have at least two pockets I’m emperor of the world I shout if I want two pockets on each sock will be weird pyramids that’s definitely top pryo for every great ruler pyramid schemes or pyramid to keep your dead body yeah probably both Bro think of the

Pyramid we could build today you know how we can look back and wonder how the pyramids were built with the tech and power available then what can we build today that would baffle future observers what’s the most gatekeep opinion that you hold a lot of people in the comments

Don’t know what gatekeep means stop gatekeeping gatekeeping stop gatekeeping people from gatekeeping gatekeeping for travelers if you didn’t leave the airport and spend at least one day in the country you didn’t visit the place I’m not telling you three-wheelers and slingshots are not motorcycles don’t talk about how great your country is if

You haven’t spent some time abroad my country is the greatest in the world guy who’s never left his zip code cruises and all-inclusive hotels do not count if you want to design tabletop RPGs you need to play more than just DND D the gate at my workplace is for deliveries

Only you’re you’re not a foodie if you only like to eat five things and pick half the stuff in every dish before you eat it also you need to cook or else you really don’t understand food and all the processes that can go into making something if you can’t even cook basic

Stuff and haven’t bothered to try much of anything your food opinions don’t matter it’s so petty and I hate myself for it but when someone sits down at the piano and pounds out either Chopsticks or fur Rel lease my soul dies yeah that’s why you got to play undertale

Music like like the Sands battle or or the Rono music the whatever it’s called falling down falling down ones you’ll get a hit with Gamers and non-gamers alike you shouldn’t wear band T-shirts if you don’t know the band The Original gatekeeping what is wrong with society today social media they’re taking the

Bait and embrace the infighting rather than making meaningful change by collectively directing their anger at people who’ve been fing them for years with no Vaseline poor public education we are too focused on what everybody else is doing instead of caring for our natural world unwillingness to listen yeah this also in unwillingness to

Listen lack of kindness encouragement of Cruelty whether severe or it was just a prank bro laughs maniacally while swinging fists it’s just a prank bro just a prank why you mad bro jeez lighten up I hate this kind of thinking pranks are supposed to be light-hearted not detrimental to someone’s Health we

Are more concerned about Instagram likes than actual problems this feels like a shallow dig people just don’t feel empowered to face the actual problems because the system in place obfuscated bad public education leading to people being more susceptible to Bull propaganda on the internet and TV I 100%

Agree people not developing the ability to critically think and form a rational and iCal idea on an issue or topic is a serious problem makes it so easy to manipulate and abuse people aren’t wearing enough hats for sun protection or just style McDonald’s doesn’t serve breakfast all day in Canada they do that

Moment when people started lifting up their phones to film tragedy instead of stepping into help whatever caused that that’s what’s wrong lack of love what’s a small act of kindness that literally anyone can do and practice every day be aware of your surroundings and don’t block entrances exits hallways Etc not

Act on road rage just let the moment pass patience you never know what someone else is going through could be a breakup their dog just died granny finally made it to heaven or maybe Mom just broke the news that she’s got endstage cervical cancer and has weeks

Left to live you never know so be patient after all wouldn’t you want someone to be patient with you I really enjoy letting people with less items go ahead of me at checkout in the grocery store the look on their face when I signal for them to get in front of me

Makes it worth waiting a little longer hold doors open for people I’ve always done it ask people how they are then pay attention and listen their life is important as yours and you might just learn something assume anyone you’ve had a bad interaction with is a good person

Who’s just having a bad day be nice to retail and customer service employees just let each other merge in traffic and stop trying to race to the front of the line it’s not that hard you can actually cost a 20-minute backup by causing one person to break hard and disrupt the

Flow what food is total garbage if you reheat it in the microwave anything with red sauce in it for sure fries they need that dry heat of an air fryer soggy microwave fries are the worst they taste like sadness anything with lettuce I always want to get it on my sandwich but

Sucks in the fridge ah the nasty hot lettuce is the worst to school bullies why did you do it and do you regret it man I hope this blows up I need answers and me too buddy just ask my oldest 19m he was a horrible bully especially his

Little brother I did everything I could think of to correct this Behavior but his father’s endlessly encouraging of it he said he said because I was super jealous dude they got to be weird but I couldn’t because Dad would hate me he has embraced his weird thank God

Unfortunately he does admit that he doesn’t really regret it I faced a lot of abuse it doesn’t make what I did right but I regret it every single day I wish I could track down the people I bullied and apologize I tried to all the time but I can’t find them I didn’t

Realize I was I thought by asking questions I was showing interest not shaming I thought by sharing similar stories I was relating but not one uping that was the only language I was taught to speak I did not come to understand what it meant to others until I was much

Older I was bullied so I bullied others me being bullied made me feel bad so to prop myself up I bullied weaker ones I didn’t need to be the strongest person in school but I also didn’t want to be the weakest is the right train of

Thought Noe but I was 13 I was a bully shortterm after my parents got divorced when I was N9 I just didn’t understand my feelings I started acting out looking for a place to fit in I got to hanging around the rougher kids and just started

Bullying this one kid for no reason for years until we moved away I went quickly from bullying to being bullied I went from fighting because I wanted to to fighting because I had to I got tired of it real quick it managed to calm my down

And after my stepdad he was an abusive drunk finally went to prison it was as if all the violence in me went with him my grades improved I had a really good girlfriend almost all the way through High School attendance was up worked on an after school job and went to church

Every Wednesday and twice on Sunday I mostly blame my stepdad for Behavior as they say hurt people hurt people yeah I absolutely regret it I used to bully the bullies aside from them I was a friendly person and got along with like 90% of my year level I don’t regret having cracks

At these guys but they’re individual incidents that I regret when I took it too far I wanted to make everyone else feel as powerless and frustrated and angry as I was oh my God that was so negative holy moly what is your best insult I’m jealous of people who don’t

Know you you’re so hard to underestimate call anyone call anyone forehead and watch them break I love how we went from regretting bullying stories to being heads to people that’s so mean I’m not as stupid as you look I’m a fan of I’ve been called worse things by better

People all those nasty insecurities you have about yourself are true if you had an intelligent thought in your head it died to loneliness the only way a woman would interact with you is with a taser I’m sorry who are you I lack the appropriate color crayons to explain

This to you the best part of you ran down the crack of your mother’s women of Reddit what are things men do that make them ghost B I’m taking notes ladies I met a guy at a bar once he seemed like a nice guy and we exchanged numbers the

Following week he asked me out I told him I couldn’t that night but I was free tomorrow why he asked I told him I had a funeral tomorrow morning and just didn’t feel like going out what time is the funeral he said I won’t stay too long

Please I really want to see you he wouldn’t take no for an answer and to me that is a huge red flag I ghosted him after that send unsolicited nudes and still have the audacity to ask if I want some of it not respecting boundaries instant no so picking you you up on

Tuesday someone that doesn’t try to maintain a conversation with you like you’re basically talking to yourself when they die and start floating around the house moaning spookily rattling chains and opening and closing doors two girls with a cool hippie van and talking dog would absolutely disagree creepy messages or creepy in-person Behavior

Like coming on too strong I’d rather block you than risk my safety you be accused of leading you on sending a message then 2 minutes later sending question marks then a couple more minutes later sending Hello by which cartoon character becomes more relatable the older you get the obvious one

Squidward Tom from Tom and Jerry Stew Pickles making pudding at 4:00 a.m. you’ve lost control of your life Homer Simpson I have three kids and no money why can’t I have no kids and three money rabbit from wiy the Pooh [ __ ] off uninvited guests you tell him rabbit

That dude from the be movie I’d be upset too if some girl ditches me for a bee the Grinch Megatron shut up Meg Garfield I feel like people are are uh conditioned to hate Mondays at an early age now Donald Duck always pissed off I get it now all those women who smack

Johnny Bravo with their purse yeah is isn’t it crazy how like an entire show about harassing women is just like a like a staple in a in American older Americans Crazy Charlie Brown hell I was fully identifying with him when I was nine and the strip was still current

What gives you faith in humanity just day-to-day life and interaction based on my experience I honestly believe that most people are just people who are generally good natured towards others and have some form of human decency don’t get me wrong there are some truly shy things going on but there is also

Kindness too that good ideas never die once Humanity gets a hold of an idea like all men are created equal it will never go away didn’t make everyone equal overnight we’re still working on that thus we progress a little by little as fallen angels we suck but as rising Apes

We’re kind of killing it our slash made me smile there are still good people in this world making others happy with ax of kindness big or small the man who helped me put on my spare tire everyone else honked at me and passed me but not

This guy he even went back to his apartment to get his Jack and then help me thanks philli I still meet good people and see Good Deeds Done on a daily basis small children who haven’t yet been corrupted by the of the world being happy and carefree men who are

Curious about breasts what questions do you want to answer were backpacks ever useful like counterweights I know it’s so stupid but freshman me have this question going on only if by counterweight you mean even more crushing weight on your shoulders what effects does a period have on them it

Makes them sore does it hurt if I hug back tightly when a woman hug me it can do depends on the individual of course but there are differing levels of sensitivity and hormones can make them uncomfortable icky painful without tight hugs do women also have random nipple erections in public oh yes another

Reason padded bras exist why don’t we have padded underwear for public boners does it get uncomfortable when you sleep on your stomach sometimes you can get a pillow just right so it’s comfy 99% of the time either a nip gets mad it’s getting squished or the lower back

Starts aching due to the angle owner here please tell us if you feel something that feels off women can get breast cancer as early as their 20s and an extra pair of hands will be helpful signed a breast cancer fighter whose ex told her that he felt something but

Didn’t tell her because he didn’t want to freak me out when you are breastfeeding and have have to pump does it feel like a full bladder having to pee but in your breast or does it just fill up and you pump whenever also do you all do weird things to them when

You’re bored the fing double whammy holy moly for me it wasn’t like I needed to pee first there would be some leaking and then it would feel almost like pressure and then they would get hard and painful if I didn’t pump every 2 hours they would become hard like

Concrete to the point my skin would start looking shiny because the skin was stretching but not like peeing in the least bit more like a pressure or muscle cramp do you store anything in between them look mate women’s clothes barely have decent pockets and sometimes you

Got to do what you got to do well I learned a lot today this is so fun what’s worse than stepping on a Lego the only thing in existence that hurts more than stepping on a Lego is getting hit in the ankle with the side of a scooter

My little sister is a monster and bangs her stainless steel scooter into my feet on purpose because she thinks me wailing in pain is funny I want to throw out that scooter so bad but my parents will probably buy her another one throw the sister out instead yeah that sounds like

The easiest solution accident acally biting a chunk off the inside of your cheek whilst eating I would have had more of a problem with this but you really do just Chomp a big old chunk of cheek out of your mouth stepping on a landmine all right looks like we have a

Wise guy here when you have socks on go into your kitchen area and step into wet God our freezer just like drops ice everywhere so it happens more than you would like Lego stepping on you oh how the turntables what is a word that sounds inappropriate I’m a little scared

To answer these B it’s a type of valve also stop and Sil they said uvula dangly bit in your throat oh so it’s a girlhouse I’ve seen a gas station called munchin pump and while those two words separately are fine together they are very uncomfortable manhole I don’t see what’s

So wrong about that masticate especially at the dinner table those mukbangers masticate all over the place what does masticate mean don’t don’t leave me out of the joke don’t dle how load is your dongle dangle what goes best with milk for me lactate alternatively pairs well

With a knight on the towel cereal a cereal killer Ora cereal babies I prefer babies with gravy but keep the barbecue sauce around for the ribs turns out not my dad he still can’t find it oh he found it all right what are you talking about 6ft stoy what are you talking

About Pepsi my Grandpa’s friend lever and Shirley made this famous God not pil stop talking about pil please what’s the most ridiculous far-fetched conspiracy you’ve ever heard that Eminem died like a decade ago and his body double has been posing as him so they can still release new music to make

Money what kills me about all these the original artist is dead conspiracies is they assume that an equally talented very similarl looking person is just available to take over and if that’s the case should we really care I feel like it’s something to be concerned about if

A person died and we just replace them the sky is a shield made by the government I don’t know which one specifically so that we can’t see God or what if God did it so he didn’t have to look at us Australia is fake and Aussies

Are all actors well this is true I can confirm I’m technically employed by these Australians but I’ve never seen it on a map so kind of weird Hallmark cards invent celebration days to sell more greeting cards you’re trying to tell me that Hallmark invented Flag Day why

Would they do that that ask Reddit is a place where normal people ask questions and it’s not just the FBI asking people things for collecting data I thought it was that ask Reddit was just BuzzFeed writers desperate for list ideas yeah and stupid quizzes man no no no ask

Reddit is actually specifically designed for this YouTube channel and this YouTube channel only what’s a good name for a pet T-Rex Dave agreed I love animals that are just given regular names normal names like oh hey Steve and it’s just a poodle Terry Terry the T-Rex yeah that’s simple and easy Rex all

Right that that’s kind of in the non-im imaginative Zone got to get that up got to work on that tiny tiny the T-Rex that works too Nom Nom all right that is cute and fun but how are you going to call him out hey Nom Nom come on over here

All right I guess it works who’s an actor or actress that played a role too well Anthony Hopkins Hannibal lecor for him to be still referenced as the best Hannibal Lector it’s insane like clearly he sold it Roseman Pike in Gone Girl oh yeah just pure evil but you do kind of

Start rooting for her Robin Williams The Bird Cage Robin Williams in 20-hour photo the [ __ ] the only thing I know about 24-hour photo is that Robin is like a maniac but he does also advertise Neon Genesis Evangelion so I’m in for it heith Ledger Joker guy literally went

Insane walking Phoenix as well very different sides of the spectrum for playing the character but both are so good Merill stre in the devil wees Prada that woman was a force of nature in the movie that’s all ilda Stanton as Dolores Umbridge oh my my God yeah way too good

Like it’s burned into my brain how much I did not like her what were your parents right about naps are a privilege you see I just can’t take naps I like it just throws me off when I was 17 I was a young chap thought I was such an adult

My dad literally told me once after mouthing off to him you don’t know about life or the real world and he was correct once again I’d like to give a Solem apology for that awful accent I just saw Chap and I thought I should do

It the older I get I realize they were right about just about everything you can’t trust everyone you can trust me just send me your credit card info and I’ll prove it bees don’t attack if I don’t get scared I’m not sure about that one I don’t trust him what is the

Dumbest way you got a scar for me it was my brother uh chomping his tooth into my forehead I won’t go into it slice the web of my thumb to the Bone cutting a block of cheese new knife free sauce ew gross I spilled soup in my lap and got

Second degree burns still have them a decade later oh oh that’s got to be so rough I male 65 caught my upper arm on barbed wire sneaking into the county fair when I was around 16 I still have a 2-in scar the worst part was that we got

Caught by a cop on Horseback within 5 minutes and kicked out I have two one don’t cut toward yourself two kitty bath time took a razor blade and slid it against my finger to see if it was truly sharp had to hide in the bathroom so no

One would punish me for being that stupid it was indeed sharp Superman right off the couch into the coffee table when I was five I still have the scar on my forehead 35 years later oh God for it to be that bad I’m so sorry what’s the worst place to be stuck in

For 12 hours uh if you work in a fast food restaurant you know the answer a septic tank on a 100° day being in one in general doesn’t sound fun traffic oh my Lord what a hell you must live in if you have 12 hour traffic dangling over

The Grand Canyon yeah that would probably suck for 12 hours the fing airport in the plane on the runway yeah I think that’s the worst having to sit in these tiny cramped little seats for that long unreasonable hanging upside down on a roller coaster yeah you would

Be dead that it happens all the time what is your goto song in karaoke I don’t do karaoke too often but probably Allstar it’s easy Mr bright side is a lot of fun Roses by Outcast ooh yeah that’ll really Funk up the karaoke place guns and Roses Welcome to the Jungle now

That’ll hit with all of the dads Careless Whisper by George Michael all right if you’re trying to seduce someone that will work Don’t Stop Believing by Journey you know I hate it cuz every time I think of that song I think of Adam Sandler now what movie has the best

Opening scene Saving Private Ryan yeah for immersing a viewer into the movie that one just jumps you right into it The Fellowship of the Ring I’m having trouble remembering so I know Robin’s going to kill me later The Dark Knight what was the opening to The Dark Knight

I’m not smart cars yeah cars did do a pretty good job of introducing you to this world of talking cars Pulp Fiction but you don’t really get it until the last scene ah [ __ ] I shot Marvin in the face hey that’s not the quote from the beginning you’re lying which lyrics are

Stuck in your head forever my money don’t jiggle jiggle it folds I want to see you wiggle wiggle for sure Etc Tik Tok really makes anything a sound now huh I get knocked down but I get up again you never going to keep me down H tub thumping by chumba WBA come on

Haven’t you people ever heard of closing a goddamn door no it’s much better to face these kinds of things with a sense of poison rationality who sings that I I don’t I don’t know we don’t talk about Bruno oh love Frozen 2o you didn’t have to cut me off like that

Heav cousin I don’t even need your love yeah that guy really just went full gibberish in that line huh what line from The Simpsons never fails to make you laugh me fail English that’s impossible Ralph Wiggum oh what an adorable little idiot that is also the conclusion of my Simpsons Impressions

You’ll have to speak up I’m wearing a towel no clue who says that honestly it’s like I’m wearing nothing at all nothing at all nothing at all I have three kids and no money why can’t I have no kids and three money what is something you need to get off your chest

I have two regrets in life I’ve told no one and I won’t even tell unknown strangers on Reddit but thanks for asking okay I mean fair enough my bra too true I should probably be wearing a bra oh God did I just say that out loud

In primary school we did a bake sale and they said make things from scratch but then I got a pre-made mix and made them and I told no one I mean well what are you what else are you supposed to do in Primary School like what they expect you

To know how to bake I don’t like cats I want to give her away but my family won’t let me well if it’s the the family cat then yeah you’re not allowed to give it away one time I farted in the car with my parents and it smelled really

Bad and I said it wasn’t me and they thought someone’s septic tank was having serious problems well hey at least you got away with it until this moment when they see the video what’s one dish from Disney Nickelodeon SL any cartoon show you’ve always wanted to try a Crusty

Crab pizza because it’s the pizza for you and me a damn crabby patty honestly yeah but did spell it wrong it spelled a k so no crabby patty for you then the family meal from Coraline before it all went to yeah that food did look really

Nice I mean it does suck that you have to put stuff in your face before you can eat it but it is still nice the beignet that Tiana makes and Princess and the Frog I haven’t seen Princess and the Frog in a long time so I don’t remember

What they look like they do sound really yummy basically anything shown in a studio jibli movie oh yeah absolutely yeah no this person they have the answer this is the answer what concerns you the most about teenagers today that they’re all really mean to me I’m really getting

Sick of it I pay taxes repeats all the Talking Points people said about Millennials repeats all the Talking Points people said about gen xers doing something stupid to be internet famous stupid and funny but still stupid AF being stupid online is kind of like the bridge between all generations I think

Everybody can be stupid and maybe get famous their parents is that because their parents didn’t do a good job at disciplining or what what’s the point how hard their lives are I can’t tell if this is like a dig because all teenagers have it easy or whatever cuz honestly

Right now it’s pretty rough I’d say nothing let them be kids already yeah for real we got to start leaving teenagers alone unless they are super disrespectful and like entitled then yeah you can like Bully them or something I don’t know you’re on a 6-hour flight and at a window seat when

A person arrives at your row to sit next to you what sort of person are you hoping to see quiet clean SL orderly tidy thought that said titty titty is a plus though all right you nasty boys knock it off hopefully no one and it’s an empty seat this is the correct answer

Yeah honestly it is a luxury to have nobody sit in your row with you cuz you can lay out on the seats but God is it rare sounds like a lot of people here really don’t want to talk to strangers on a 6-hour flight I don’t want to talk

To strangers most of the time not just on a 6-hour flight it sounds like you might be a loud chatty person someone who doesn’t use Axe deodorant especially musk or chocolate fragrance God the chocolate one was like the nastiest to me like anybody but the pilot oh yeah

That would be kind of awful if the pilot just wandered on back and sat next to you what’s currently stopping you from being rich oh I I eat too much avocado toast and I drink the Starbuck is that what you want me to say is that what you

Think I I’m going to say not having a lot of money yeah I guess that’s that’s a good enough reason why you’re not rich yet splurging money brings me temporary happiness this is a fair answer this I mean that’s kind of what mine is too much avocado toast see there it is I

Knew it I need to buy an iced coffee every time I leave my house uh-huh uh-huh uh-huh I’m sure I’m dumb and my parents aren’t Rich that is kind of a bad spawn point huh there are two kinds of people what are they those who shoot monsters and those who shoots little

Tiffany holding quantum physics text books late at night yeah why is she running around learning quantum physics if she’s only in like sixth grade huh it’s Men In Black if you didn’t get it those who can extrapolate from incomplete data and those who finish sentences people who think there’s only

Two kinds of people and people who know that’s nonsense those who breathe and those who don’t this feels like the penultimate answer I mean there’s alive and then there’s dead and those who complete lists and penguins thanks cheese fondu what terrible movie had an amazing concept has everybody forgotten

About that one movie Netflix released on their platform that starts with the letter c any more hints total letters six I mean I everything everywhere all at once that’s not a terrible movie I wouldn’t say terrible but I love the idea more than the way they executed it felt all

Over the place but I guess that was the point this person is just wrong that movie is amazing in so many ways sorry I won’t talk about it more but they’re wrong in time yeah this is a good answer in time always seemed so interesting but

Like the pacing was wrong and just meh overall the crimes of grindal and the secrets of Dumbledore yeah these movies have just gotten so forgettable that I didn’t even bother seeing secrets of Dumbledore spoiler alert the secret is that he’s gay but not in China The Mask an ancient cursed artifact that when

Worn transforms you into an incarnate of your most repressed impulses and desires I think the first mask is pretty solid I don’t know why they bothered trying to force a sequel out of it but I I don’t know Hollywood’s weird I guess people who’ve met celebrities what were they

Like Spike Le has pushed me on three different occasions that’s hilarious okay but why and how post Malone was just chilling in the lobby of my local movie theater Midwest he had a show the next day pretty chill dude took a selfie said I like your stuff man I’ll see you

Tomorrow he thanked me graciously and was a bro about it 20 second interaction and he wasn’t douche or mad like other famous people are didn’t see himself as above anyone he Blended in very well on his own post Malone was a Minecraft kid so you never know Ryan Gosling was very

Friendly and down to earth however this was back in 2001 what do you have evidence that Ryan Gosling is a mean guy I I mean I wouldn’t doubt it I mean Fame gets to people but come on I told Dan Mariano that I loved him in Ace Ventura

He was not amused Wendy Williams was nice I guess so jealous I love her honestly the hubby hates her though I think most men do she was nice though he doesn’t like how she takes pauses and sucks in air through her teeth he hates the sound it makes I do not like Wendy

Williams but you cannot deny that the things that she says and pumps out into the world are hilarious just by pure like unawareness what is something that you genuinely hate people who keep talking over me while I’m talking to them it stresses me out a lot people who

Chew SL breathe loudly or weirdly and people that don’t understand personal space the we don’t talk about Bruno song yeah that’s the issue with a lot of music marketed in movies is that it’s just too much they don’t know when to stop Acappella music I guess I you’re

Allowed to say that but have you ever seen Pitch Perfect that’s what I thought mint in chocolate I will fight you okay he didn’t say mint chocolate chip ice cream so I think we’re safe who is your favorite movie villain and why Heath Ledger’s Joker the way he takes over any

Scene he’s in is breathtaking Mega mine do I even need to explain ol Harry Potter he’s so convincing wait a minute gr from Despicable Me yay mother gothal because she is absolutely hot as all right the horny boys need to go home what was the worst part about high school high school more

Specifically High School yes I hated High School yes all the things High School all of it don’t forget about high school that was the worst part getting called on to turn the light off with a boner wo okay left field on that one the part that was high school all right

Everybody you’re going to have to get those creative juices flowing find a different answer I don’t remember anything that didn’t suck it’s not a musical oh yeah Disney just lied I thought we were going to be having fun and instead I was crying what’s something that you firmly believe that

Reddit will hate you for using emojis we’re in this together do you guys use emojis because you didn’t use them there so you’re not super strong on that point great question I’m not going to answer because I don’t want to be banned wa who what does that mean fun Royale what does

That mean those ladies on The View are fuing idiots that’s the most non-controversial factual accurate Post in this thread yeah I don’t know why they felt like they I if you’re in the view subreddit then sure obviously I put the milk before the cereal I feel like

That a universal thing that is just wrong and you will be found pineapple on Pizza is a gift from the gods I agree with them fight me I don’t care nice try Reddit oh yeah this is just Reddit trying to find people to hate what are some very comforting facts cows have

Best friends this is moving to know thank You if you make it to the airport without dying you’ve already passed the deadliest part of plane travel airplanes safety presentations have left the chat it is illegal to own less than two guinea pigs in Switzerland due to them being social animals discarding this rule would be considered abuse when a

Cat purrs on you they’re basically healing you how so like is this like a like a magic thing or just Okay most people don’t think about you comforting you say I can kind of see what they’re meaning it’s like people aren’t thinking about you so like you don’t need to be

Like self-conscious because nobody really thinking about it like that like you hopefully you get it if you could revive one person from the dead who would it be well for how long that’s like a more important question harambe yeah I know all of you are giggling that

That’s a good answer there’s a gorilla in a zoo sorry technoblade rip techno yeah I didn’t personally know him or watch his content but definitely gone way too soon Kirk Caine so we could find out what actually happened that is actually kind of an interesting answer answer one I really haven’t heard before

Bob Ross the world needs him and we really needed him during the pandemic Betty White oh God this that this one was just to make me feel bad about all the people that died recently come on oh God what is the dumbest idea you have ever had that actually worked wearing a

Motorcycle helmet while snowblowing I did it because I missed riding it kept my face warm and when snow would fly back at me the visor would protect me when I was younger I got called into HR because I drew a very detailed picture of a it was really really the HR meeting

Happened like a week after I drew it and my only defense was I don’t recall doing that do you happen to have the picture it might jog my memory they didn’t have it of course because I had it and because I didn’t confess they couldn’t do investigation results inconclusive

Have a nice day a storm broke a limb on a tree hanging over my house in my backyard but it was still hanging on by a few splinters I didn’t want it to fall and it wasn’t in a place where I could use my ladder to get it so I found a

Rope tied a brick to it threw the bricking Rope over the limb made a crude rope swing and swung and pulled the branch until it finished breaking it wasn’t until I was using the chainsaw to cut it up that I realized how many times during my stupid idea I could have

Easily hurt or even killed myself a friend and I once snuck 15 people into a warp po by giving them bracelets from a party supply store and clipboards full of paper walked up to the side gate and said we are with The Rock the vote the security guard waved us right in I

Forgot to bring a resume to a job interview but I had an index card in my bag I cut the index card in half and wrote my name my contact info and creative Problem Solver in my best handwriting and gave a copy of my business card to both the interviewers I

Got the job when I was young and broke I bought a sofa from a used furniture store I had no way to take the sofa home I went to a used car lot couple of blocks away and took a truck for a test drive that’s genius that’s actually

Genius not my idea but my mom’s I dropped one of my earrings and couldn’t find it so she threw my other earring on the floor and it happened to land right next to the first one put Jesus in as a Wi-Fi password in church it worked Hello

Everybody welcome back to ask MK my name is Mason we got some posts to get through so let’s get going without saying what the category is what are your top five youth of today quicksand r schools Gorilla Biscuits war zone I could not tell you what that means Katana trespass wizard Firebird Vulcan

Again nothing I got nothing chicken wings mozzarella sticks hamburgers french fries chicken tenders yoga pants 10 out of 10 with rice H qg Nicholas Cage and lero Jenkins fresh asphalt mint nail polish remover my own farts and meat on the grill that one’s got to be best smells lever the keni brutalitops

Mar bing bong Kansas City Denver Chicago Oklahoma witch how would you feel if underwear had butt cheek sizes a b c Double D Etc just like brup sizes but for your butt I would compare cheek sizes with my homies I’m fine with it as long as there’s a Hank Hill equivalent

Size small butts matter too then I’d be able to buy pants that fit mine would be a size W the W standing for wagon I would think I would end up feeling insecure about the size of my butt because I would know how it falls on a

Scale and like right now I can pretend like it’s nice as it used to be but we all know it’s closer to a pancake than it ever has been before I don’t need someone to tell me honestly I would rather women’s shirts come in cup sizes when you’re large busted they all fit

Poorly I’d be able to quantify my butts size goals this would be life-changing do you know how frustrating it is to buy underwear for a Smalls siiz waist but a big is always trapped in between cheeks so uncomfortable I’m all for this I would fuing love that because I might

Have the hips of a horse but I got the of a malnourished child the Mau honestly I think it can make shopping more difficult I can barely find my bra size in a store I don’t want to go to on a treasure hunt just to find underwear too

Also men would get more annoying it’s bad enough they have the audacity to ask women their cup size I don’t want to be bothered about my size too partners of sleep talkers or Sleepwalkers what gems have you to share my boyfriend once blurted out you’re putting bread in my

Ears in his sleep mumbled something unintelligible followed up with and I’m becoming a sandwich still makes me laugh whenever I remember fantastic sleep songs with lyrics which are utterly bizarre my two absolute favorites have been oh wo wo it’s a corner cat B my rules and you’ll always be a country

Cowboy repeated about five times and finish with the yeah I’m the Sleep talker a long while back my fiance was working a job where she didn’t get home until after midnight she came home one night and was leaning over the table on my side of the bed she swears up and

Down that I looked up at her smacked her on top of the head and and when she asked what the hell that I told her I was checking to see if she was a ghost now I do remember having a dream like this but in my dream my hand did go

Through her head proving she was a ghost my aunt likes to tell the story about her and my cousin sharing a hotel room one time my aunt woke up having to pee and found my cousin sitting up in a bed with her arms folded across her abdomen

Kind of rocking back and forth giggling quietly that’s horrifying when my aunt asked her what she was doing my cousin said I’m holding a baby and has an adult smile I found this story deeply unsettling I feel like any sane person would he started shouting that he

Couldn’t feel his left arm I pointed out he was pinching his pillow not his arm he then freaked out that he had lost his arm I pointed out his arm was under his pillow he said okay and started snoring it took me another hour to go back to

Sleep he didn’t wake up at all my girlfriend was sleep workking one night can we get that done this week huh can we get that done this week sorry can we get that done this week weak please okay thanks I’d be the king of Monaco my wife

Said this one night out of nowhere the funniest part was her tone of voice proud and assertive like she was really sure of her claim to the throne anyway jokes on her Monaco is a principality my brother did that in the middle of the night he would get up go into the living

Room and say some nonsense to our parents and go back to bed it was actually pretty creepy the first times because he was like they are in the walls they are napping with the boyfriend a loud noise wakes me but he’s still out me what was that him either a

Tree or a magic eraser my wife started screaming one night that she was lost in the grocery store and that no matter where she went she couldn’t find her way out I asked her has she tried to check out at the registers she then looked at

Me and said in her most sincere voice that’s why you’re the smartest person I know and she rolled over and fell back asleep ex- roommate talked in his sleep once he cried out no Gandalf you will get $10 million cash but Samuel L Jackson will be there to shout

[ __ ] for every dollar you spend will you be happy and why if you just invest it never touch it and just spend the actual capital gains slin does that count as spending the dollars for for the [ __ ] I imagine the [ __ ] would start the moment you

Hand over your cash to the bank that or a philosophical discussion on the nature of money I wouldn’t spend a single Dollar in the hopes that it keeps the miracle that is Sam Jackson alive until he has yelled for every dollar that I’ll never spend 120-year-old Sam Jackson screaming why won’t you [ __ ]

Let me die would be both funny and sad so if I spend $50 he’s there shouting [ __ ] 50 times I feel like I’d enjoy it way more than he would he’d probably lose his voice by the end of the day I’d buy him out of whatever

Cruel Cosmic deal he signed up for to help him escape from the hell of monitoring my purchases until he dies where is the downside it takes around 1 second for Samuel L Jackson to say mother if I spend all 10 million in one go you will be saying [ __ ] for

115 days straight I’d say that’s money well spent I would have so much fun with this during moments of Silence the money tray that gets passed around in a church donations to your local library yeah man $10 million and Samuel o Jackson is basically my new best friend sign me up

Twice charge people $2 for every $1 I spend in order to meet Samuel o Jackson what are some very comforting facts scientists earlier this year made a massive breakthrough in curing blindness like verging a cure it was masked by the virus headline though crows and ravens

Love to play in the snow one of their favorite activities is Rolling Hills all those embarrassing cringey memories that come flooding into your mind when you least expect it nobody else remembers them every last one of us has them it’s part of this complicated process called living while you’re busy remembering

Yours everyone else is remembering their own it’s in the past nothing you can do right now can make it any better chalk it up as a lesson and wreak the experience bees take naps and flowers so yeah it’s okay to need a nap even busy

Bees do if you make it to the airport without dying you’ve already passed the deadliest part of plane travel cows have best friends some fish like to be pet goldfish can recognize their owner damn he been watching you this whole time and you didn’t even know there’s a volunteer

Organization called no one dies alone you’re at Sacred hearts Medical Center your terminal you need a companion from someone to talk to or just someone to hold your hand they’ll make sure someone will be there for you other hospitals have this too cheetah are very shy animals so some zoos give them support

Dogs like those for humans it’s the cutest thing ever I actually knew that one that one’s very cute in dog or Wolf movies where they use real life dog actors people who have to edit all that sometimes have to add CGI Tails because the dogs can’t stop wagging their tail

As they are so happy dogs make cute little sneezing sounds to tell you that they are playing and not fighting Jupiter’s gravitational mass is so immense modern science believes it’s been protecting us from meteors for millions of years NSFW if you suddenly discovered that people you had fantasized about while masturbating were

Always fully aware of this what would your first thoughts be do they know the details or just that it happened Andy I don’t want to say this this is so weird Andy jerked it while fantasizing about railing on the balcony while I ate out

My mother is one thing Andy Mas to me is an entirely different there’s going to be a lot of sensors in this one hope that they either ignore it or join me on the fun do they know I know that they know they’re still talking to you that’s

Probably a good sign in most cases this would probably just mean that a bunch of stars and celebrities would know what they already know hang on people do what when they watch this work would be awkward bro especially weird since since I’m self-employed no does this include only intentional thoughts or are weird

Unintentional intrusive thoughts included as well therefore I’m immediately leaving for Nepal where I intend to live as a goat I’m going to need to go on a bit of an apology tour not a long one but still thank God that one’s over what’s the weirdest compliment you’ve ever been given in

Seventh grade I wore a fanny pack to school to hold stuff like Yu-Gi-Oh cards which I played with at lunch once while walking down the hallway an eighth grader I never met before was like dude I like your fanny pack gave me a high five and kept walking I never saw him

Again and miraculously nobody ever picked on me about it to my face at least I had pink eye and the nurse was looking into my non-infected eye you have beautiful retinas thank you then I’m like a piece of furniture don’t do much but you notice when I’m not there a

Woman I was talking to in my dad’s shop thought I was not me but my sister when I tried to correct her that I am me she told me no you are not insert my name is fat and has short hair she is not beautiful like you like what the lady my

Four-year-old son told me I smelled like music when I asked what kind of music he said music you dance to still the best compliment I have received a date my friends and I were talking about what kind of potatoes we’d be one of my best friend told me you’d be a loaded baked

Potato people pay extra for that good an old lady once told me she wishes she was 60 years younger then she would give me some confidence it was the most unsettling funniest and somehow most Charming compliment I’ve ever seen you are so tan how did you get so tan I’m

Indian all right then keep your secrets pcer Pacer okay piercer who pierced my ears back in August told me my ears were perfect and to call her if anyone said otherwise and she would fight them for me the teacher in high school told me several times that I had a perfectly

Shaped head someone told me my eyes were upside down not sure what that means or if it was a compliment but they seem friendly with the right makeup you’d make a really good-look girl I’m a guy by the way if life was someday proven to be a simulation what glitch or anomaly

Could you point to as a major clue that we’d missed when your pen gets lost as soon as it hits the floor and then appears right there after some time well yesterday while driving with my daughter in the car she says Dad I’m starting to feel like this whole human thing isn’t

Real so I guess that would be confirmed as my first hint dreaming how it could be a gateway to another universe or version of yourself and how do we manage to forget most dreams especially the the important ones Deja R it’s similar to Deja Vu but it’s where you’ve dreamed of

A future moment nice try simulation developers often when I learn about something new I’ve never heard about all of the sudden it starts appearing randomly in some TV show I’m watching or a news or Reddit article they should fix the targeted ad algorithm to make it less obvious I’m living in a simulation

Some get sick for no reason and some who should be sick because of how they live seem super healthy millions of years of evolution and we still can accidentally bite our own tongue that’s some [ __ ] the Bader mhof phenomenon when you learn something new it seems like you see it

Everywhere right after that like a video game when you learn some new move then it is immediately applicable to your life periods let’s leave a trail of blood for predators to follow at the same time I’m curling up in a fetal position for cramps super suspicious

Sounds like it was made by the same people who put Sims in a pool and remove the ladders so they can drown sorry my dog is barking look around the room you’re in choose any random object within the room what does it feel like to lick that object you never know what

It feels like to have licked it but have you ever single biggest glitch in my book the fact that the moon and the sun can just about perfectly eclipse each other what are the odds that the Moon and Sun would be the sizes they are and distances from the earth that they are

Allowed that to happen what’s something that people think makes them look cool but actually has the opposite effect posting photos of cash on social media I always think it is funny how doing that is commonly accepted whereas if you screenshotted your bank account or Networth you’d be an bragging about not

Reading when people post their weed on Snapchat never admitting when you’re wrong it may seem like a confidence power play however most people just don’t care enough about you to say anything or indicate that they noticed they’ll just slowly drift away from you to one to day you’re all alone wondering

Why no one with any level of competence wants to hang out or work with you when babies get excited about walking real fuing cool baby I can walk too please stop blasting your music in places where people cannot Escape it I see your earbuds in your pocket please salvation

People listening to their voice messages with many people around I unironically like wearing fingerless gloves for actual tasks not just out and about when people ask me why I wear them I tell them it’s because I’m so cool I’m not exactly certain how uncool they make me

But I know it’s a lot elitism it’s [ __ ] stupid to attack someone who enjoys a hobby only just because doesn’t put his life on it one uping and putting other people down to make yourself look good rif and white collar jobs I despise people who do it being an [ __ ] while

Hiding behind the it’s just a joke stop taking it seriously why can’t you take a joke stat hating all genres of music except the one they like I learned this the hard way by only liking heavy metal anding on all other music without giving a chance as a teen Metal’s still my

Favorite but all genres have good music not modern country though I’m not sure if this is just an Australian thing but people who rev their cars or motorbikes really loud and it’s usually quite late at night while most people are trying to sleep on things other people like we all

Have the stuff we don’t like but if you spend all your time putting down everything a person is interested in you don’t look cool or edgy you look like a with no interests people who come out with life lessons and quotes they think they are so profound and deep but I

Think they come off as bigheaded and stupid students and teachers of Reddit what’s the best forgot to turn off the mic story during virtual learning I had to defend my thesis over zoom and many professors came into the call to watch my thesis was about immune response and

Fish to parasites one Professor joined late and forgot to mute her mic and we got treated to this little gem mommy is learning about fish parasites which is what you’ll get if you don’t stop peeing in the koi pond BR not really anything super weird was in a meeting with my

Glass for the first day of school and I had forgotten to mute myself then I had proceeded to start noisily baby talking my cat who was in my lap at the time embarrassing a girl’s mom who the [ __ ] you on the computer fo this early in the

Morning and asking the same thing over and over teacher I think your mic is on English Zoom call teacher was holding us like 15 minutes after the period had ended she said something along the lines of keep working arduously and I responded with if she says arduously one

More time I’m going to flip table I was not on mute bummer sorry buddy when I was doing an online algebra Camp teacher forgot to turn off his mic while we were supposed to be doing some problems he said I [ __ ] hate math me too dude me

Too in one of my classes this girl wrote in the zoom chat this is so [ __ ] boring not realizing that the professor could see it ironically my it teacher forgot to turn off his mic and camera and proceeded to get in a very heated argument on the phone with his

Ex-girlfriend who he has a kid with did I mention she’s also a teacher at our school yeah most awkward 5 minutes of of my life before he realized in a thermodynamics class one of the students said holy this is so much after covering a large set of equations related

Toity everyone found it relatable was in training before classes started this year 200ish teachers only what did you falsely believe as a kid I watched a lot of Wallace and grommet and actually thought the moon was made of cheese that the Bermuda Triangle was way more deadly

Than it is my stepdad was in the Navy and had a cruise that went through it I was legitimately afraid his ship would be sunk and no Trace ever found I used to see the signs around stores that said shoplifters will be prosecuted I didn’t know what shoplifting meant I figured it

Was like weightlifting with the entire store building as the weight I pictured big Burly bald men that like to go around heavy store buildings overhead grunting in red face I was afraid someone would try to do it while we were out shopping I once pointed out some big

Muscular guy in a store and whispered to my mother that he must be one of those shoplifters she shushed me I thought teachers lived at the school that the guard in every Mall will arrest a loud child Shadows had to be made of something right you could see them

Therefore they had to be made of stuff Flawless logic I vaguely remember picking at the edge of one trying to peel it off that there was a horrible monster growling all night outside and in the dark beyond my room it was my dad snoring bro did you ever tell your dad

This it all got solved eventually as I remember it took a while before I had the guts to address the monster problem though who’s your favorite fictional couple me me and my girlfriend froto and Sam Fry and Leela Andrew Garfield Spider-Man and Emma Stones Gwen Stacy oliv’s parents from eza Homer and Marge

Simpson Vegeta and Bulma what’s the best TV series of all time our planet narrated by David atenor years ago you would have seen Game of Thrones far more frequently in this thread alas the ball was dropped hard in its last couple Seasons not the best TV series of all

Time that was literally the question then why are you still answering but the first three seasons of Arrested Development are up there with the best three seasons of any of the shows mentioned here The Sopranos flea bag it’s a short two seasons of six episodes each but it is flawlessly executed with

Not a single moment wasted a strange creation for TV where largest is usually the norm it might be more comparable to a brilliant movie or even a play it was after all adapted from a onew woman show it’s just art Malcolm in the Middle really love the prequel to Breaking Bad

Golden Age Simpsons it’s not even close what can you buy for $1 in your country 1 kilo mango Ramen Ramen hope and disappointment in the form of a lottery ticket what can you buy in your country for $1 1 lb a lollipop edit six lollipops my work is worth 23 lollipops

Per hour that’s disheartening 12 minutes on a parking meter a can of beans maybe on sale a load of clean laundry correction a load of clean wet laundry reply with your drink of choice and bartender will tell you what it says about you what is your drink vodka cranberry urinary tract infection I

Don’t make the rules chocolate milk shaken not stirred ah chocolate milk the rich man’s milk sir can I see your ID Jin and tonic My grandmother used to drink Jin and tonics when I asked her why she said no matter where you go it’s pretty hard for someone to [ __ ] that up

Cheapest beer on tap a Dying Breed possibly a Working Class Hero amoretto sour you probably are the one to hold your friends hair back when they’re picking at the end of their night I’m going to assume that it says no yeah edit puking ball I swear I’m only a few

Rounds deep double shot of whiskey meat and a water please this is not your first rodeo Tequila Sunrise why do you love headaches people who are ugly what is one of the benefits of being ugly you feel like a ninja no one notices you people leave me alone more I can walk

Alone at night in the dark and not worry about getting attacked I’m female and I know that no guy is prowling for this you get to see the real side of people people won’t find a need to act to get in your good books so you can see when

An is an [ __ ] unless you’re a rich you can be sure people will love you for who you are battery of my phone lasts for a very long period ask your mom what’s the hottest accent and why Scottish I don’t want to comprehend a single word while you were flirting with

Me Aussie mate yeah fing right has no one heard of Idris Elba Lord the Brits have me locked in just came here to see how low German accent is was not disappointed Russians they always sound serious and angry about literally anything they’re talking about like they’ll say please take off your pants

And you got to listen to them because you’re afraid they’re going to Slit your throat with a broken smernoff vodka bottle and mix your blood with their next bottle any accent can made to be hot so long as the individual has consumed a pepper of some sort the Bell

Variety has been eliminated for obvious reasons Irish because it’sing hot King hence you were someone you know has ever had with a telephone or a mobile phone my husband and I had gone shopping and when we pulled in our driveway a sheriff was there and we asked if we could help

Him he asked if anyone was in there meaning in the house and my husband said there better not be we checked the house and nobody was in there but while we were looking the sheriff told us our phone number had called 911 several times and hung up so he was sent to

Check it out o me I do not like this one not as spooky as some of these comments but back in middle school when the movie The Ring had just come out I was watching it at my best friend’s house we always watch movies in the creepy

Basement down stairs that gave me the creeps on a normal day we were sitting in the dark and just saw the scene in the movie where the creepy haunted tape is played and the phone starts to ring in the movie at the exact same time her

Phone rang if you hadn’t seen the movie the phone rings and on the other end of the line it’s a terrifying girl’s voice that says 7 Days meaning you have S days until you die I made her answer the phone her house her phone it was her

Brother’s friend he wasn’t in the house and had no idea what we were doing so it was just a super creepy coincidence I was ringing my fiance after work once and halfway through the call the audio randomly switched to someone else’s call some roof for discussing quotes with a

Client they were talking to each other fine couldn’t hear me I could only hear the roofer and my fiance only got silenced I had no idea mobile phones could get cross connections it really freaked me out at the time my friend called me in a panic once when I picked

Up they asked if I was safe if I’m by myself Etc and sound it pretty worked up I asked what was wrong and they said that someone had called them using my number but it was an older man saying really strange incomprehensible things about how I was unsafe and that they

Needed to pay for my safety apparently it was some sort of common scam but still it shook me up like 20 years ago I was living alone in my first apartment one morning I woke up to my alarm going off and like one second after my cell

Phone rang my landline phone rang and my computer turned itself on all at the exact same time I just sat there in my bed fumbling after my phone for a second and then both phone stopped ringing computer stayed on though and I shut off my alarm no Miss call on my phone I

Heard it off like some weird circumstance with a power surge involved or whatever but the more I think of it I can’t explain it what is your worst experience on an airplane an old lady died in the seat next to me she was shivering with a blanket on and then she

Had a hot tea a few minutes later she spilled the tea and was no longer shivering the airline gave me a boatload of air miles for my sharing space with a corpse inconvenience you know they don’t officially consider someone dead until it’s declared by a doctor or paramedic

They didn’t tell any other passengers not that they needed to just me and the flight crew knew she was gone on a flight from Paris to NYC a kid about 3 years old kicked the back of my seat the whole time only stopping for naps Nicolet was her name ah nicholet you are

Going to get a fist of the throat you when I was about 11:00 my family was flying from windh to Frankfurt about a 12-hour flight I was sitting next to my brother 12 and he was sleeping I was reading a book or something all of a sudden my brother startles awake and

Projectile vomits all over everything my clothes hair the seat in front of us our carry-ons that were at our feet himself everything we were about 3 hours into the flight so we had 9 hours to go I didn’t have a change of clothes in my

Carry-on so I had to sit in the soak vomit so I had to sit in the vomit soaked clothes with my vomit covered luggage for the rest of the flight my brother definitely had it worse he had food poisoning and was throwing up in the airplane bathroom for the rest of

The trip they had to take him off the flight in a wheelchair and take him straight to a medical ward where he was given IVs for a couple hours and we missed our connecting flight our poor mom had to pay 2,000 for tickets for a new flight woman in front of me kept

Complaining how bad she had had to pee and a few minutes later it smells straight up like cat pee throughout the entire plane she peed in a Coke can and Spilled it all over the floor and laughed about it the entire plane ride oh yeah this happened at the beginning

Of the flight why would you not just get up and go pee that’s disgusting I was sandwiched between two very large people that took half of my seat they were breathing so loud and kept farting men of Reddit what’s the creepiest thing a woman has ever said to you I went to um

A restaurant with my friend Jordan one time this year and this random like 50-year-old woman came up to me and complimented my eyes and like I wasn’t looking at her at all it was just so weird and was very creepy she told me she would rather kill me and then

Herself than see me with someone else so since you’re still alive how long have y’all been together now I want to have your 8hd infested children at a bar a woman a good 20 years older than me walked up from behind me ran her hands through my hair and said I’m a

Dominatrix sorry I’m more of an Autobot person a woman I matched with on Tinder told me she likes to kill animals and then asked to meet me in the middle of the woods I figured that might be a red flag so unmatched and never went back to Tinder swiped left so hard Tinder

Uninstalled I’m like really submissive like I let a guy sh in my mouth once and I didn’t even like him that much for contexts it was our second and last date I worked at a fast food place years ago my girlfriend came in for a milkshake

And was waiting at the end of the counter with one of our regulars Doris the regular was near 90 years old and had invited me home to have pot roast at her house multiple times I was being a pain and put about a foot of whipped

Cream over the top of the lid of my girlfriend’s milkshake and brought it to her Doris looked at her then looked at me dead pan and said I wish you’d cream me like that Doris never ordered desserts edit added a much needed space you’re so cute I want to break into your

Room kill you and stuff you so that we can be together forever I started locking the doors religiously afterwards but something from the early days of the internet which younger Generations may not know about they need to set a good away message on AIM since it may be up

For over a day before you can get back on under construction banners images and gifts they were on every page the page was always under construction you’d put one there while you were writing the HTML and then take it out when the final version was done but way too many people

Never bothered with that step visitor counters and guest books I almost always left a message before it was all corporate so many homemade Pages for an interest you could think of I don’t mean mindspace or Tumblr either crappy HTML blinking Graphics instrumental music in the background I met one of my oldest

Online friends in 1997 through a site he made of our favorite band we were we were email pen pals before social media was a thing waiting for an hour for an image to download line by line icq a and MSN hi ASL 35m MN you or the most

Popular one 18f Cali LOL downloading a song from LimeWire and then going to listen to it and then you hear I did not have sexual relations with that woman I used to keep a magazine beside the computer so I could read something while waiting for a web page to load who is

Your example of you either die a hero or live long enough to see yourself become the villain skyt Does Minecraft he hey Jim Jones he originally stood up for civil rights when it was really unpopular was hospitalized and accidentally placed in the black wart when the doctors found out they tried to

Move him but he refused then he became a cult leader and uses power and influence to end the lives of a thousand people working in restaurant kitchens you either burn out young or become the boss that everyone hates there’s exceptions that’s usually the rule my dad used to

Annoy me by calling my Pokémon cards po pokemans now my kids have them and I do the same thing and it annoys the sh out of them edit thanks for the Pokemon Gold Bill Cosby was once nominated for a Nobel Peace Prize also the Emmys gave him a humanitarian award also the

President medal of freedom I want to see a villain that lived long enough to become the hero because that’s far more interesting Ellen degenerous what was okay 10 years ago but today is not my lower back coughing used to cough to stifle a fart now I’d rather myself now

We fart to distract from our coughs just here to remind everyone that 10 years ago was 2012 male arriving at its destination in 3 to 5 days naming your daughter Isis or naming her Alexa or Karen not you turn off thank you rooting for Jared from Subway harambe edit holy

Moly thanks for the awards out Predators what’s something the internet was crazy about but is now forgotten AOL chat rooms ASL poking on Facebook spinning under construction gifts on our website the dancing baby gifts one of the earliest memes I ever saw UGA Chaka hide your kids hide your wife Chuck Norris

Jokes Neopets oh I love Neopets so much neonat who would make a perfect female president of the United States of Amer America and why anybody smart enough to deserve the job isn’t stupid enough to take the job anyone who wants to be president should never be allowed to be

President the mom from Malcolm in the Middle that sense of authority fear and emotional deception she was capable of would make her a great president not to [ __ ] with my mom she whoop this whole country into shape and have everyone in bed by 9:30 Dolly Parton Everyone likes

Dolly my dog she’s a good girl treats for everyone the the girl reading this winky face Lisa Simpson what’s one thing you’ll never do no matter what climb Everest I’m almost finished with Into Thin Air all I can think about as I read about the sent was nope not doing that

And why would anyone do that spelunking that I have pretty bad claustrophobia and doing that would make me combust cave diving just how strong of a Death Wish can someone actually have people die constantly doing it on dry land and you’re going to add scuba gear to the

And water to the mix absolutely [ __ ] not that but you would do anything for love I assume except that yeah bungee jumping let me guess a broken rubber brought you into this world and a broken rubber can take you out edit spelling stop at red lights in GTA Give You Up

Die drowning that’s my worst nightmare I don’t think that’s your choice my dude nah he’ll live drowning you you are held at gunpoint and your kidnappers will not kill you if you can speak about a topic for 30 minutes straight what are you talking about numbers I mean there must

Be hundreds of them to talk about 1 7 83 edit four best number is 73 73 is the 21st prime number its mirror 37 is the 12th and its mirror 21 is the product of multiplying hang onto your hats 7 and three but in binary 73 is a palindrome 1

1 01 which is backwards is 1 0 1 01 exactly the same broad topic animals specific topic frog I like the way you think frogs are one of my favorite animals they are 80% mouth snakes are just a bag of throat I’d give him a very convincing 30-minute lecture on why he

Should kill me and the final most compelling argument in this it’s only been 29 minutes and 58 seconds my anxiety got to take advantage of this free therapy session Pokemon that’s me that’s me they better be prepared for an hour of nerd ramblings if they don’t shoot me first my FanFiction they they

Might shoot you right away among lore in the beginning there was sauce what’s something that would be 100% better if it was slightly shorter unskippable ads on Youtube average work hours lines up any amusement park colds Kevin Hart you would have so much more material technically you’d have less

Material Saturday Night Live skits the amount of time I spend every night in existential crisis mode before I finally fall asleep what’s the best response to I hate you so anyways I’m going to need you to come in on Saturday okay I know kiss I hate me too but I don’t complain

About it I never thought about you at all you were my brother Anakin I loved you sounds like a u issue which fictional character’s death hit you hard wow well scrolling through this post is quite risky Brooks and Tommy in sha Shank Redemption they’re both so tragic

Brooks was here sobs little foot’s mom my first actual confrontation with death as a child really screwed with me or so my mom says Charlotte in the original version of Charlotte’s Web the dog in I Am Legend serious black cried while reading the book and watching the movie

Dobby from Harry Potter he didn’t even need to die what a pointless death to such a lovely creature Bambi’s mom what’s the grossest thing you’ve ever seen at a stranger’s house I used to work for a Furniture Company doing deliveries and sometimes repos as a rule

Of thumb if you’re doing a repo the house you’re about to go in is usually nasty as hell the one that sticks out in memory was no exception it was more of a compound of two or three cracked ends rotten saggy floors roof falling in just

Fuing nasty we had to repossess a stove they had bought maybe a month before and in that short time it had become caked with grease and infested with roaches when we got it back to the store the manager told us to put it out back as in

Outside cuz he didn’t want the store to become infested a week or two later a couple that refurbished old appliances came in and bought it for $20 I went to a friend’s house so he could do some work on my car after we finished hours

Later I really needed a pee so I asked him if I could use his restroom prior to driving home he seemed hesitant at first but finally said yes I regret ever asking they were fullon hoarder family there was barely enough room to walk in the front door to the bathroom and once

In the bathroom literally just the toilet bowl was visible I pretended to pee and high tailed it out of there and peed at the gas station up Street a thick sheet of mold under the fridge so thick I thought it was a rug someone whose house I was working in told us

They don’t flush the toilet until it’s full they weren’t lying I walked into new new friend’s apartment for the first time and turns out they were like a hardcore hoarder the stench was just fing the worst thing I’ve ever smelled in my life and he like did not seem to

Have a problem with it at all one of the nicest people I’ve ever met to this day but man that this was such a shock we lost touch over the years but I heard he got help and is now married with two kids living on the East Coast at least

This one was a happy ending yeah he was a super good dude just had some demons this dude had a bucket by his sofa that he would just spit in G just thinking back to it now makes me bul it was disgusting once while using my friend’s

Bathroom I saw a portrait they hung that was the most horrifyingly disgusting Miss person I’ve ever seen he hung it right above the sink so you had to look at it while you washed up what’s a phrase you’re sick of hearing I worked in offices for years so going forward

Makes my eyes twitch now giving time back when ending a meeting 2 minutes early I’m giving you the gift of time today why thank you for 7 minutes you’ll find someone when the time is right when is that damn time when it’s right duh 3:15 both hands pointing right we need

To normalize tell me without telling me one more time for the people in the back I was today years old didn’t ask it’s just becoming annoying now didn’t ask I’m sorry it was too perfect didn’t ask I love didn’t ask Plus ratio plus person outsold what’s the scariest thing you’ve

Woken up to in the middle of the night my grandmother just standing there in the dark by my bed quietly ringing her hands and staring it centipede crawling on my face I still shiver thinking about it when that happened cat dropping a giant spider on my chest then giant

Spider disappearing in my Panic my wife sitting straight up out of bed and screaming while pointing down the hallway she talks in her sleep usually it’s hilarious this time it was not I saw my stuffed animal leave the room I woke up to use the restroom got up

Smacked something smacked the out of me turns out my entire freaking arm was asleep and I got up and the motion just launched it into my face almost didn’t have to go to the bathroom afterwards why are you hitting yourself a mountain lion purring behind my head through the

Fabric of the tent mountain lion was found as a kitten raised by people and released back to the wild now it just roams the night looking for human to be near then it purs how do you feel when you’re nude like I need Pockets cold fat

I also feel fat and I’m in good shape but I was once a fat kid and that mentality got branded forever I feel that one big time once a fat kid always a fat kid still though love yourself good man I swing my dog I feel with my

Whole body but my fingertips are still used most snoot or not how do you feel sometimes I use my toes my boobs I squeeze them like stress balls anybody else hoping they’re a guy tired but I feel that while dressed too like one of those hairless cats what is a lot more

Dangerous than people think playing the well my alarm turned off but I just want to rest my eyes for a bit game pigs they look slow and fat saw a guy nearly get killed by a pig first rule for working with pigs don’t fall over in front of

Them also pig bites hurt Reddit advice sitting for long periods of time what would you do if you had a clone first of all I’d clarify which one of the two is really the Clone get enough jobs so we didn’t have to worry about money I’d

Swap out each shift I take this one they get the next half the workload same amount of money twice as much time for everything else twice the expenses too though play a ton of board games make him go to work for me what makes you think your clone would do that my clone

Would tell me to [ __ ] off why is everyone acting like a clone is a robot who will do whatever you say use them for spare parts massage my back I’ll finally have someone who knows how to do it and where I need it most if men only

Want one thing what is it someone to discuss most profound thoughts that sexy lava lamp damn love and clear communication no double standard place that’s two things love and clear communication to take a big hole at the beach to be left alone I have no idea but I hear it’s disgusting the Krabby

Patty secret formula what’s a movie you saw way too young Gremlins I remember being terrified once they’ve been fed after midnight I have no memory of the screaming night terror I had in my sleep but despite extensive cleaning by my mom the bedroom still smelled of my vomit in

The morning same movie for me s in theater is one of the first in theater movies was terrified at the bathtub for weeks The Exorcist I was 19 when I saw the Exorcist and I was still too young the ring I still am so frightened to

Walk past the T at night I’ve seen Scary Movie 3 The Grudge all the Ring movies many times as an adult super cheesy and I’m not afraid of any of the other movies or anything but I’m still ducking terrified of the girl from the original

Ring Jaws how long did it take you to swim in the ocean after that the ocean it took me a couple of years to get in a swimming pool I’m still scared of swimming in the ocean Silence of the Lambs to this day I can’t see those words without making the Anthony Hopkins

Tongue noise in my head same home sick from school one day old enough to be home alone but way too young to be watching how to sew a skin suit my mom took me to the theater to see Halloween in 1978 I was 6 then in 1980 she took me

To see don’t answer the phone when I was 8 your mom was playing the desensitization game Saw when I was like 6 or seven saw what what did you see Dad father what’s the dumbest lyrics in history England is my city she’s not a lesbian for p she turned

Pebane dispensers I see girl I know your favorite beer cuz you told me and I bought it Chris Lane that’s kind of him who said romance was dead these answers are going to end up on an AI generated textto speech Tik Tok video with Subway Surfers playing in the background just

For that I I I I’m I’m almost certain that the editor is not going to put Subway Surfers on this video you know we do other stuff like Temple Run in Spider-Man um maybe Minecraft I don’t I don’t know I just work here I was a gay

Show when he was a Samarai somehow I understood him even though he spoke Thai Nicki Minaj okay Nicki minage thank you very much I think I lost a few brain cells reading this thanks Nikki they call her Big Booty cuz she got a big booty riveting I’m in the kitchen yeah s

Everywhere I’m afraid of the dark especially when I’m in a park and no one else is around ooh I get the Shivers I don’t want to see a ghost it’s a site that I fear most I’d rather have a piece of toast and watch the Evening News

Desiree life this sounds like the kind of poem I would try to write when I was a little kid like it sounds like a third grade writing assignment to write a Halloween poem or something what is your strongest opinion that’s not political religious or moral Pokemon is the

Greatest video game franchise of all time pineapple does not belong on Pizza radio ads that have honking horns or s should be illegal as should Billboards if I buy a car I want to own it without paying a subscription to use the radio or heated steering wheel ads with the

Skip button are more effective than ones without if an ad has a skip button you can choose whenever you’re interested in the said product or not this proves more clear info to advertisers too and unskippable AD makes a person associate the company with a negative experience therefore downgrading the company people

Should learn that saying I don’t know is a perfectly acceptable thing to say and very often the most accurate it’s much more important to be predictable on the road than polite when it when it is your turn go it’s not a real meeting if there’s no agenda plans are useless but

Planning is essential failure to plan is planning to fail what are some behaviors that scream on intelligence obsessively telling everybody how intelligent you are do I need to remind you of my IQ from that Facebook quiz again getting angry when someone asked them to explain their point bonus if they say do your

Own research I just started driving for Uber XL the amount of people who think they can fit eight people with all their luggage into a midsize SUV is astonishing you can see which car comes to pick you up and it says it fits five people if you have a of luggage each

Then it’s more like three people I had one group sit there and stare me down like they didn’t understand I swear some people just have mental limit for figuring things out and they all find each other and never get anywhere telling people that you are a member of

Mena at every opportunity what the hell is Mena hold on I’m Googling this high IQ Society oh go [ __ ] yourself calling names in an argument well you’re a poopy head n son you’re the poopy head H you’re a poopy butthole head thinking saying no is mean or that no means yes

Is this being unintelligent or just being pooping in the aisles at Walmart your username is now a store what do you sell well as I am says Mason on every social media platform except Twitter which is saymon live I would sell advice not fences I’ll tell you that much thank

You username never fence sounds like something a fence store would say I see right through your charade nothing at all so nfts not fuing things nonfunctional testicles was the best kind of testicles coffee for your enemies username death espresso Ben Benny Benjamin says Ben Benny’s and

Benjamins you need to find a Jerry Jerry Jeremy and Jeremiah is what they need teeth from a Stegosaurus guaranteed no Triceratops Reddit username whale boy do I have a product for you is it fun for the whole family fun for the whale family oh that’s disgusting wind for free now that’s a great price what’s something that you like that the vast majority of people hate um lime cucumber

Gatorade I think it’s my favorite flavor I love untangling things your Christmas lights end up in a ball and there’s no telling where it starts or ends give got a necklace that got rolled up into a total mess I’m your detangler headphones come out of your pocket looking like a

Tangala no problem total Zen for me wish I could make a few bucks with it though people that talk a lot so I don’t need to I like listening to them and I find their energy refreshing everything about the airport I don’t know why but it’s so

Fascinating honestly I like it more than the trip sometimes apparently a lot of people don’t like the lemon yellow Starburst candy and that’s the one I prefer I’m a big Citrus guy myself I prefer the yellow Starburst it’s good doing the dishes I find it so calming hey you free later wrapping presents

It’s super therapeutic and relaxing to me I’ll wrap everyone’s presents in the house even the ones that they have to give to other people if everyone would just get off my about it mother and let me take my time i’ love it I did it for

Macy’s one Christmas and learn how to do at every Edge and fold is clean and the bows are Majestic as heck and I still do my own that way but my mom will ask me to wrap something for her and then stand there and tell me I’m so slow and it

Doesn’t have to be perfect blah blah blah ma’am you asked me because you know I’m good at it if it takes 5 minutes that’s how long it takes using my blinker if you had a chance to rename the letter W from W to something else what would it be double v it’s literally

Two v’s so let’s see what else everyone else has to say w wumbo double v based W thought they said you were changing the name b that’s short easy to say and understand wubble do up M down M flip M what popular sayings are [ __ ] cheaters never win what goes around

Comes around bull I’ve seen people be my entire life I’m 57 and they never got what should have come around to them karma is a self soothing concept a way to not feel powerless out of sight out of mind ever lost track of a spider lightning never strikes the same place

Twice the early bird gets the worm no the early bird gets stuck waiting in line with everyone else who decided to be the early bird as well early worm gets eaten and the second mouse gets the cheese black cats bring bad luck yeah they’re just adorable little fluff balls

That want love too rules are meant to be broken they were made for literally the opposite what is the worst thing that a person can put on their bio on a dating app no face pick until I know you don’t know my husband or wife I’ve seen this multiple times alternative bio I’m

Either cheating or trying to cheat enter Ain me no if you want to see someone jump through unnecessary Hoops to impress you the circus isn’t always an option a list of 10 plus requirements for a partner while they themselves don’t even have their together looking

To lick feet saw that one time got to appreciate the upfrontness I suppose States what they’re seeking no bull wish more people were like that TBH the part where you insult people by rambling off a list of who must swipe left or face your wrath swipe left Move Along anytime

I see those I just swipe left anyway even if I don’t meet the criteria it’s just a it’s such a pretentious way to filter people I mean the only one I have like that on my Tinder bio is no Republicans or antivaxers I mean same thing I’m a good guy no you’re not

You’re not a good guy literally anything I put on mine apparently I can’t even get a bite from a bot hey BB you’re hot message me for pcks or to video chat free live shows that this is not a bot I’m a real girl. I got unmatched by a

Bot still considering it one of my greatest achievements what is a fun fact about yourself fun fact about me personally is that I’m in the process of creating a uh fake Pokémon region from scratch with over like 120 or so drafted up Pokémon um that I’m commissioning

Artists to make and then I have like the whole story and like a whole map and all that kind of stuff it’s pretty cool um but let’s see what these guys have to say I can write cursive backwards and can write with both hands I’m sure I can

Print backwards as well but that’s too easy jumped off a moving train on a dare when I was eight I did the same but I was 23 very stupid idea friend of mine did that in high school slipped train cut his leg off way above the knee G I

Got an exorcism a few months ago I have cheated death twice the first time I was in a really bad car accident bled out and died on scene still managed to come back 5 minutes later this incident actually made me smarter than I was before due to brain damage the second

Time I got shot in the chest with a mortar on July 4th this year I miraculously walked away without any damages to my body what a rush I got eye surgery cuz I was seeing double went well and now I see better so now you see

Triple I once visited Paris as a tourist and cried walking down the street because I was fat this fact is not fun yeah I could never go to Paris won a paper plane contest I guess the opposition folded who is the biggest piece of on the earth in your opinion my

Cooworker who was always quick to take credit for for other people work and when confronted talks about how he grew up in poverty and needs every Advantage he can to make it in this world he didn’t grow up poor his family had several Maids whoever the F invented

Popup ads there was no competition on Earth with more qualified candidates rert Murdoch my buddy Eric elephant probably that kid that climbed in the Cincinnati zoo enclosure and got harambe killed look don’t blame the kid if anything blame the parents for not watching the kid kids will be kids what

Ruins a movie uh when Chris Pratt is in it when actors take a sip of their drink why do they all suck at it and make it look so loud explosions and quiet ass dialogue music louder than the dialogue too twist villains basically revealing

Of the bad guy in the last 10 15 minutes of the movie Disney has gotten really bad with this unnecessary love interests when the plot has nothing to do with romance like I walked in to watch an action movie I don’t need a new character introduced halfway through

Just to give the character a girlfriend useless sex scenes unless it is something the story could revolve around it’s a totally a drop for me same with unnecessary naked girl in 99% of horror movies I thought I was becoming a prud until I realized that I’m sitting there

Waiting for the story to start again no one is dying although everyone is shooting fight scenes where I can barely tell what I’m looking at what song is instantly recognizable by the first few words it’s man you are my fire just a small town girl is this the real life

Hello darkness my old friend chaka chaka oh what is love I’m a Bobby girl I don’t know this one two trailer park girls I don’t know I don’t know the song Crazy first note of Mr bright side is immediately recognizable brag a little what is the coolest thing you’ve done

Lately I just passed my driving test and bought my first car I’m 45 years old I have a corgi and when people ask to pet her I tell them yes but she doesn’t usually like strangers then they are Overjoyed when it turns out the dog loves them truth is the dog loves

Everyone my little cousin tried to shoot me with Nerf guns I caught three and dodged the rest I got one of the hottest girls I know his number first time I got a girl’s number saved a guy on his bike who was standing in the blind spot of a

Big truck truck was waiting in front of a traffic light to turn right bike was standing near passenger side I ran in front of the truck waving my hands truck stopped bike guy saved Little Hero feeling for the rest of the day hey good on you man tackle the guy who robbed a

Woman at gunpoint what is the biggest unsolved mystery placebo effect this is a minor miracle and it’s insane to me that it’s glossed over so easily you could literally be cured of an illness ailment just by convincing your brain that you took medication for it AKA our brains and beliefs can literally change

Our experience of reality fundamentally how I can consistently be wide awake from 2: to 5:00 a.m. under perfect sleeping conditions but then fall into a blissful sleep an hour before my lime goes off for work how do Charlie Sheen and amilio Estes both resemble Martin Sheen yet look nothing alike how is my

Girlfriend simultaneously completely unsure about what she wants to eat totally confident that she doesn’t want any of my suggestions where all my fuing pens keep disappearing to why my two cats fight over the same toy but there are two of everything in our house for this reason how moms can pull something

Out of the fridge that wasn’t there when you looked in that exact spot what does not belong in a swimming pool poop a sinkhole nasty used Band-Aids hydrophobic people Pikachu top 30 worst Pokémon to go swimming with number 25 will shock you literally a lawn mower soggy bread

Why the do people bring bread to the pool because people like bread and are gross and sandwiches what is the dumbest thing an adult asked you seriously um I worked at a grocery store or we had a 5-cent coupon if you brought in your own

Bag and this lady asked for the tax off on the coupon as well what’s your email address s via email I had to go take a lap around the building to prevent my brain from imploding what is with you kids being so childish I hope my kindergarten teacher was joking my older

Sister once asked me if cruise control allowed her to take her hands off the wheel If evolution is true then how come I don’t wake up with antlers on my head will these fluorescent bulbs work at night of of course why do you ask well these are all Mark daylight and I really

Want to use the light at night do you think you got autism from licking walls coated in lead paint are you Scottish or British yes in brtish which dead singer would have the greatest farewell tour if we were able to resurrect them for one last ride Freddy Mercury would be

Legendary I didn’t even finish reading the question before thinking Freddy Mercury and it seems like the universe is in agreement on that too Freddy Mercury Freddy Freddy Mercury Freddy M for the win Freddy Mercury Bob Marley we could use some good vibes Michael Jackson sadly this is what killed him

Sorry but Tupac would give a [ __ ] show all around the world and it would be insane what would you name your pet frog if you got one uh the name’s Pond James Pond throg Kermit I think jome Pepe moisty toast soggy bread Ribbit Downey Junior what’s something

You own a ridiculous amount of problems in every shape and color Lego every relative gets me them for my birthday and Christmas my first word problem is I have sets I haven’t even opened yet condoms I never get to use them notebooks that I’ll never use and pens

That no longer work hair all over the body mental illnesses got to catch them all am I right cables there’s an unspoken universal law you will need a cable within a month if you throw it away what is something you should never bring on a first date duct tape my other

Girlfriends table for four please this guy’s got three girlfriends I can’t even get one your ex-boyfriend well she didn’t bring him along however we went on her suggestion to the restaurant that he works at that was a tad awkward expectations your Pokémon cards a magic wand and a chess board your other

Personality what family tradition ends with you children I don’t want children I don’t like them that much 200 years of living in London my kids will never be be able to afford to rent or buy here having kids I think that’s just an end of the family we conduct a Barefoot run

Around the house at Christmas time and the finisher order determines the order in which we receive presents even though there are 20 of us it was great when there were only six of us I mean the family ends with me so I guess all of them same PR childhoods Santa he’s not

Getting any more credit for my hard work Video Killed the Radio Star what did the internet kill social skills privacy friendly conversation critical thinking my faith in humanity MTV or at least the kind that played actual music videos the video star duh Blockbuster brain cells brain cells human decency what’s the

Worst answer you wrote to a question you didn’t know on an exam it was a geography test and the question was why is it always raining in a certain area my answer was because the clouds are sad I drew a sad Cloud crying for visual

Support I know a guy who took one look at test got up put a $20 bill on the teacher’s desk with an unfinished test then proceeded to leave he works at a car wash now I wish I studied for this one I couldn’t figure out how to end an

Essay one time so I just ended it with that’s the way it is teacher was not happy told me I wasn’t w Al kronite Dre a large bear over the question and at the bottom wrote cannot answer because there is a bear in the way you’re a

Genius that’s bar clever 42 I remember there was a gigantic math equation once and it was the hardest question on the test and we were given a ton of space for the answer I wrote bruh as my answer everyone in class got that question wrong by the way so I felt like my

Answer was the most sensible what’s the most useless piece of advice you can give if you ever drop your keys in lava forget them cuz man they’re gone Jack Handy you can’t fail if you don’t try get good I disagree when I was a kid I knew someone who was complaining so I

Told them to get good that kid is Elon Musk never pet a flaming cat just tilt your head back and let the meat slide down your throat hole what the hell what I see your mom passed down her party tricks if your head ever gets like a

Bitten by a shark remember do not put a tornet on your neck you will hang yourself tip breathe air not water air provides oxygen water does not I don’t know if I believe you if I’m honest just be happy wow no one has ever thought of that you can have any superpower you

Want which one do you choose teleportation this is the one I want the most other people can be God and whatnot I just want to instantly be anywhere where I want to be to reach into any picture or pause video and pull out or deposit an item within imagine watching

Say the try Channel and stealing lunch from them then reloading the video when you get hungry being able to have my soul leave my body I can go see others dreams or go wherever I want without being seen just to read minds telling people what they want to hear if

Possible or knowing their thought to have it ready to make a counterargument or something would make life a breeze I always thought reading mine would be a burden I don’t want to hear something I didn’t want to hear yeah but every superpower has that drawback but the

Good parts are worth it just to be super human this includes everything from super speed super rank super senses basically everything basic what would be the most inconvenient annoying thing to fill a piñata with 100% glitter mayonnaise my thoughts exactly existential dread baked beans sulfuric acid thump TXS and cockroaches bees hornets and

Fiberglass what’s the polite way to tell a customer their card declined I didn’t know getting a card decline was embarrassing declined they told me to cut the card up too you are the weakest link goodbye there is way too much money on this card our system can’t handle it

Got any cash you broke b yo this don’t work you are given a phone and are told that the next text it sends will send a message to every phone on the planet what do you text December 23rd 2025 ah the classic keep them scared worldwide

50/50 raffle venmo my venmo $2 for a ticket easy money while it wouldn’t work on everyone you’d you’d get a good amount of money from that 5 minutes remaining man people really just want to scare the entire world huh one person has escaped the simulation 7 .3 billion

Left difficulty increased good luck your time is limited The Purge has now started all crime will be legal for the next 24 hours tomorrow night at 12:00 a.m. be ready I’m just going to Rick Roll the world so simple yet so effective Americans what’s something Europeans need to hear free clean

Omnipresent public restrooms are indeed possible do we do that I have never been to a clean public restroom it’s past time you take James Cordon back please for the love of God get rid of him Europe is getting fat too while us Americans might have the most greasy disgusting food possible uh everywhere

Else can still eat too much you know I don’t really know why we would say that to Europeans but okay putting corn on Pizza doesn’t make it American Pizza it just makes it disgusting it doesn’t sound like the grossest thing but it’s not really American a good-looking guy smoking a cigarette is

Not a movie might not be a movie but it sure is film putting ice in drinks and giving people free tap water are about to make a lot more sense as Europe gets warmer don’t be a dick about it please what genuinely still makes you as happy

As it did when you were a kid hard question I don’t have an answer riding a bicycle still feels like Freedom it’s the next best thing to being able to fly I haven’t ridden a bike in so long I should probably get on that the bike I

Mean licking the mixing spoon of some brownies or cake batter I’d say that’s kind of a universal euphoric moment for a lot of people unless you really don’t like sweets then oops anytime I drive past a field of cows or horses I’ll Proclaim it cows or hores childish maybe

But they are very nice animals I always thought the smell of cinnamon and oranges M that sound was the smile Christmas love me some Christmas I’ve still never experienced a white Christmas and I feel like I’m being robbed when Pizza is for dinner okay but Pizza nights are like the best dinner

Nights right like adult child who cares it’s great finding a coin on the ground if it’s Tails side up don’t you dare pick that up what’s something you can’t believe you had to explain to a grown adult that Australia isn’t a part of the

UK how can you get to be a grown adult and not know that Australia is fake it’s made up no my snake won’t turn into two if you cut him in half what did they think a snake was like a starfish or worms not me but my husband had to tell

His best friend why jumping around in the woods with some deer antlers he had found on his head was a bad idea they were hunting I had to explain that bats were a real animal and not a mythical madeup creature after telling an ex-girlfriend that I saw one flying

Above us and she thought I was insane that rabbits do not hatch from eggs for Easter like you see on commercials I have rabbits that I bring places with me and a cooworker asked how big the eggs were I had to explain that to an adult

My son has a big plastic egg so as a joke I put a baby rabbit in it and showed him that the noise flies make come from their wings not their mouths I love the idea that flies are flying around screaming as they do either way those

Things need to put a silencer on there because God damn you gum near my ear and then I freak out what’s a dumb thing to say while being held at gunpoint oh don’t stab me yo the safety is still on Is that real what are you going to do

Shoot me you’re holding it wrong here here let me show you giving off major Hermione Vibes right now not going to lie still read that as herone the first time I bet you can’t shoot me three times in the center of my chest before I

Grab that come and her me says what ah gotcha you can’t hurt me now uh if you shoot me your is small okay Reddit what’s the weirdest thing you did as a child I’m ready to see some awful things once I graduated kindergarten I used to pathologically avoid my former teachers

Like the devil probably even to the point of rudeness this was in a smallish town so not impossible the reason for this Behavior was that I really wanted one of them to say the phrase long time no see and I felt that to get one of

Them to say it I needed to sort of save up the time that they hadn’t seen me for a really long time I don’t know why I thought the phrase long time no see was so cool but that’s what I thought it was cool probably too much American TV but I

Digress I took a on the lawn because I wanted to be like my dog and now you go to jail you’re in jail now I used to eat tulip stem gems my mom would get so mad cuz I would eat all her flowers didn’t have to worry about rabbits just me I

Would also eat chapstick not sure why I ate dog biscuits I seem to recall quite liking them I I have a confession I ate dog treats when I was younger cuz they did taste okay I used to lay on my bed and put my feet on the wall telling

Stories to myself and pretending like they were puppets I peed on a chicken because it pooped on me the day before H it’s just classic Revenge so I was holding a really big fart the bully barged in trying to find a new victim I taunted him he came for me and I farted

Right into his face look if you didn’t do it he was going to do it too I tried to chop up my Froot Loops with a mirror I got the idea from Metallica’s Master of Puppets one of the verses says chop your breakfast on a mirror sounded like

A good idea to me oh no buddy what’s a great answer to the question what’s your biggest weakness being uncooperative and when they ask for an example just say no LMA o just say my bladder with a a lopsided grin and an ever increasing wet patch growing in the crotch area ew

Don’t have the strength to tell you big golf girls yeah you and everybody else has that weakness definitely the crotch area if I get hit there then I’m down for a good minute at least my excessive number of strengths intimidates those around me I have a hard time dealing

With stupid questions what’s an unusual body feature of yours I have a body mole in my eye like inside of it and near the pupil me too apparently I doctor said to keep an eye on it LOL but I’m like how I mean it would be a pretty bad situation

If there wasn’t an eye on it I developed arthritis at 16 years old also I have a massive for a dude double cheeked up nice misdirect there wasn’t expecting the ever since my brain surgery to remove a tumor I can’t feel any temperature is this all over or located

In one area mostly all over torso arms and head can’t even feel my face so it’s hard to shave sounds like they forgot to plug some something back in oh no no it’s okay just turn everything off and then turn it back on my belly button is significantly off center I have two

Different ears one is wide enough for earbuds the other isn’t my twin brother has the mismatch on the opposite side sounds like you guys traded an ear in the womb you’re going to owe me a kidney later this is what I tell my twin spare

Parts one of my ribs is not connected to my spine is that what they call a true floating rib I believe it’s called a spare rib I have a B for ated uula that teardrop thing in the back of your throat mine is shaped like a butt or a

Little nut sack throat scro I think we finally found a new Evolution it used to be throat goat now it is throat scrot two uteruses and two cervixes AKA uterus D delies same and doctors didn’t know until my first C-section I have two kids and one came from the right and the

Other came from the left I call it the duplex what series you can rewatch again and again currently I’ve been rewatching episodes of what we do in the shadows and I think this is a modern classic does the show live up to the goodness of the movie I’ve honestly seen quite a bit

Of praise for it but not looked into it myself yet surpasses in my opinion oh absolutely the show is great like I would definitely recommend checking that out it’s one of my new favorites Malcolm in the Middle edit holy crap this is a lot of upvotes my cousin threw this on

In the background during a visit with family and every new episode that came on I said the same thing this is the greatest episode there is no such thing as a bad Malcolm in the Middle episode I recently binged the entire series and oh

My God it is such a gem season 3 to9 of The Simpsons and season 1 to 3 of SpongeBob seasons 3 to9 are a religion in Argentina you can have an entire conversation using only Simpsons quotes Futurama I’ve pavloved myself into only being able to fall asleep if a Futurama

Episode is on same my nightly ritual is a couple episodes of Futurama then set the sleep timer for an hour arrest a development but only the original run the show was a work of art and the newer Seasons could never measure up to 1 to three It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia

Kitten Mittens will forever be the goat intro to any episode of any show ever what are some myths that people still believe that bubblegum stays in your body for 7 years if you swallow it it it doesn’t it guys come on it’s actually 17 years my dad had this guy helping him

Out think big box store DIY curb ready helper who told him if you sleep with your hair wet you will bleed out of your mouth and he was 100% sure that was a fact we were both just confused and bewildered at this statement what the hell had this guy witnessed his mom was

Sick of wet pillows that and made that up lie detectors is a literal thing there’s a reason they aren’t dismissible as evidence in court in most places you have to wait 48 hours to report someone missing people are saying 48 hours now good Lord no do it immediately guys come

On my mom always tells me to never mix milk and fish since that would poison me same goes to sleeping with socks in bed it makes people blind according to her I still believe that if any of my limbs hang off the bed while sleeping that a

Monster will grab them also believe that the moment I remember this and pull them back on the bed is just in the nick of time before a monster grabs them you can’t prove that there isn’t a monster under my bed for far too long I sincerely believe that if you eat an

Apple seed a tree May begin to grow inside of you that you should pee on a jellyfish sting for Relief please don’t do that lightning never strikes the same place twice yes it does that’s the entire reason for lightning rods on buildings diamonds being rare gems that

You must wait at least 30 minutes after eating before going swimming otherwise you could develop deadly cramps that lead to Drowning this was made to keep kids from throwing up in pools I’d bet money on it or to give the parents a break to finish their meals before going

Back to full supervision mode the one about you’re supposed to buy an engagement ring worth 3 months of your pays idiots still falling for a PR ad campaign from the 1920s or maybe it was the 30s doesn’t matter it’s ridiculous you can make one thing 5% bigger what do you

Choose I think I think we all know the answer for some of us well I was born with one arm shorter than the other so naturally I’d wish for a bigger there it is everyone’s patience the x button in Mobile ads my parents lifespan my love for myself it’s lacking

And I could use the Boost you’re doing great dude man last name the density of hair on my Noggin the Earth just to see what happens suddenly more Earth it’s free real estate the right foot on everyone in the world not everyone would notice but it would mess with the minds

Of those that did just enough population count of endangered species monkeys paw 5% more animals are added to the endangered species list monkeys paaw but helpful all those are mosquito species you know what let’s make the sun 5% bigger I want to see what happens instant death huh neat hey I’m ready

I’ve lived a good life all right the amount of good in everyone my salary Antarctica cool everything the down what is the biggest scam in today’s society Ticket Master charging a $30 processing fee for a $50 ticket textbook access codes you get after buying a new textbook and it can only use once

Insider trading in Congress Fitness advice by influences whose only goal is pedaling their products working 9 to 5 Monday through Friday and still being broke um you just actually just need to stop spending so much money you stupid Millennial uh maybe stop buying so much avocado toast and maybe you’ll be able

To buy a house in 25 years it’s easy as that just stop spending so much money Capital some [ __ ] needing a degree for an entry-level low paying job annual raises are lower than annual inflation 10 hot dogs eight buns what’s something you did as a teenager that you look back

On and think holy that Wasing stupid walking from Virginia to Maryland over the Frozen pmac River on my sophomore year in high school I got about halfway out and laid down in the ice so that I could see along the bottom of the river it wasn’t until several years later that

I heard on the news that the poac never freezes over enough for people to walk on it ooh sounds like you got pretty lucky post constant nonsensical updates to my Facebook wall well what teenager didn’t I thought that if I acted angsty and pushed people away from me I’d make

People want to know more about me and why I was so distant for any current teenagers who didn’t already know this doesn’t work people will just let you be alone and go find someone who’s more friendly to them being around at the age of 15/1 16ish I traveled to England by

Myself to meet an internet stranger SL lover OMG we need the full story how did you pull that off I had been babysitting for a while money wasn’t an issue I told my parents I was staying with the friend’s cousin I actually maintained a relationship with this person for over 2

Years so my parents did eventually meet them but they never leared who I was really visiting that time stayed at a job for years because of no reason at all I woke up and went to bed every day hating the job and wishing I didn’t have

It this was during a time when part-time jobs like mine were not hard to find I could have moved on to something else anytime I wanted I know this because once I finally did decide to look for something else I found it within days I

Still look back on it and wonder why I spent the last of my teen years hating life because of a job that I only had for extra pocket money it taught me that it’s really easy to get used to something and to not let something like that happen again roll down a hill

Inside the center of a the giant cable spool the telephone company had left behind I was fine but could have easily fallen out and broken my spine oh I can hear the Mario Slide music right now tried to be popular unfortunately I don’t think being popular is something

You can really try to do texting with complete strangers and giving them too much information about myself dude I already told you my social security number now you want my mom’s maiden name well anyways it’s neon lime green skinny jeans this one feels like just a randomly generated sentence socially

Skilled people of redddit what are your go-to topics when a conversation goes awkwardly quiet ask about their Hobbies or talk about your own I realized I was talking to the love of my life and she asked about my love of factorio and production games not only I could talk

About it for what felt hours she kept engaging with it and now she has her own factoral Factory Ford family occupation Recreation dreams I guess that’s a pretty good Baseline to follow something I haven’t seen is to be a good listener conversation often goes quiet because you really haven’t listened to the

Person so things just kind of die off while the other person is talking actually listen to what they say don’t plan your response while they’re talking I found when I actively listen that conversations rarely just get awkwardly silent anyone up to date on Great British breakoff oh oh man yeah my top

Three is Maxi yanush and Sandro what about you I will simply add that silence is awkward only if you make it so learn to be comfortable with pauses take a sip of your drink look at your surroundings and the person you’re talking to you don’t need to fill a void confidence

Comes from within socially skilled people of Reddit you’re kidding right politics always bring up politics also how much everyone makes and religion too people love to talk about the way their favorite God wishes you to live your life that’s a dangerous one but it is a conversation starter what do you value

More than money oh for me it’s my dog he’s just he’s such a sweet little guy time obviously if I had infinite time that would be epic Health unfortunately in America uh your money is directly tied to your health free time my inner peace non-negotiable my wife I also

Choose this guy’s wife human connection and time with people you must have been losing it during the Pandy then huh my cat which pizza is the best pizza surprise Pizza come home from a long day at work and see they ordered pizza oh boy free pizza you really can’t go wrong

When it’s free personal pan pizza from Pizza Hut in 1996 that was free because I read some books margarita pizza oh unfortunately you’re wrong Woodfired Pizza I really can’t say if I’ve eaten much Woodfire Pizza so no comment Detroit I love thick and crunchy crust pepperoni you can’t beat the classics

Pineapple I’ll die on that Hill you and me both buddy but if you don’t like that then you can send me DMS that I will not look at breakfast pizza I don’t think I’ve ever had that but I guess it could be good I don’t know Chicago style meet

Lovers going to be honest here not a big fan of Chicago style not sure what it is what in weddings makes you cringe guests who take pictures of the ceremony with a [ __ ] iPad releasing of doves into the sky at my wedding I will release rats

Into the crowd I recently went to a wedding where the bride and groom had signs and Decor with it was always you everywhere when the bride and groom met the bride was one of three women the groom was dating they spent a decade cheating on all of their Partners to be

With each other before they finally got together but I guess that was all okay because it was always you what a weird thing to highlight with your decorations at your wedding when someone else proposes to their significant other like why take all the attention from the

Bride and groom and put it on yourself instead it’s so selfish they’re just trying to save money you know they can get their own ceremony going at that current wedding when the groom goes up the bride’s skirt in front of all their family it’s so extremely weird and out

Of place to me like why would you want to do that in front of your parents and and grandparents I really don’t get why that’s even a tradition when you overhear an exchanging of words and nobody’s ever heard of closing the godamn door no it’s much better to face

These kinds of things with a sense of poise and rationality if you didn’t pick up on that cute little reference I think that was Fallout Boy any wedding where the Bridesmaids and groomsmen have been ordered to perform a choreograph dance at any point during the festivities

Whether that’s dancing up the aisle or a full-on dance number during the reception smashing the slice of cake in each other’s face oh it’s so cute how you got my face all dirty and now we’re wasting the food a ball and chain jokes why TF are you getting married then I’ll never

Understand straight people in that regard like you just hate your significant others so why did you do this so many Ed Sheeran songs I’m really glad I haven’t been to a wedding in a long time what seems fun but was actually not fun the first time you did

It being adult because I can do whatever I want now in my 30s I wake up and work pay bills and taxes while fight off crippling depression going to a big theme park I spent hours standing in line getting sunburned for some 3 to 4 minute rides my feet and legs were so

Sore from standing in one place for that long and everything was ridiculously expensive and there were screaming children everywhere I honestly just wanted to go home after a couple rides sleeping on a trampoline as a kid a I always wanted to do that but I guess it

Is kind of uncomfortable since your body is like bent all little kids kids want to mow the lawn when they watch their dad do it once they do it they realize that it actually sucks last time I mowed the lawn I think I was blind for 2 days

Because of just like the grains and allergies kicking in sitting close to the screen in a movie theater I was front row for The Truman Show it was amazing every other time was miserable but Truman showell was somehow different clubbing fing terrible I don’t know how people have the energy it’s it’s just

Stressful receiving mail always looked forward to receiving mail when I was a kid as an adult not so much cuz most of the time it’s just bills or advertisements so it’s really annoying snow skiing the first time is miserable that’s why I stay shredding on my board

Baby what is a horror movie yet to be made aliens abduct a human but the human is actually a psychopathic serial killer and is now loose on their ship hunting them down Jason X was almost that but not quite what a special movie I think the scariest movie that seemingly nobody

Has made would be about the things we imagine in the dark somebody behind you when you turn off the lights at the top of the stairs walking by a bedroom or closet and somebody is there type thing I hate coming up from the basement in the night or even walking by the den

Just to make sure nobody is standing there a movie like that would actually [ __ ] me up this is exactly what scared me so much about the Baba du his silhouette reminds me of being little and frightened of a coat rack in the dark because is somewhat resembled a

Person there’s a scene at a police station that actually has a coat rack that kind of looks like the Baba and the main character is spooked by desperate screenwriters trolling Reddit for horror movie ideas so long as it isn’t full-blown plagiarism if they’re just getting ideas and then they expand on it

Go for it don’t know why but I feel like Jennifer Aniston playing a sadistic murderer would be good because you wouldn’t want to believe it in that scenario I guess it would have to be like some sort of reveal that she’s the murderer a movie filled to the brim with

Tension and dark atmosphere where every jump scare is a cat and there’s actually nothing happening just someone with an overactive imagination who keeps getting scared by their cat coming to screens near you generalized anxiety disorder the movie I don’t buy into this mentality in real life but always

Thought it would make an intriguing story a protagonist in a large city is terrified that people are looking at and stalking them in the beginning it seems that the protagonist is just paranoid and mistaken but as the story progresses the audience slowly realizes that the protagonist is completely correct it

Could explore themes of social anxiety paranoia antisocial Behavior modernity and more sounds like like The Truman Show Black Mirror did something similar to this in the episode White Bear if The Truman Show was only following Truman’s perspective not like seeing the outside world I think it would be a really good

Horror movie High School the Musical for oh God no not this a pooh that resents you for parting with it that takes its way through the sewers to find you and kill you while I do really like that I don’t know how marketable that would be

What was a lesson you learned too late do not get multiple credit cards don’t do it it’s a bad idea sometimes you have to initiate you can’t just wait around for people to come to you that people won’t do the same fing thing you did for them however life-saving it was take

Care of your teeth I’m trying okay it is important to think critically and deeply about who the person you’re in love with actually is not be caught up in who they appear to be but at the same time don’t overthink too hard where you imagine a fake personality onto them because

Believe me I’ve done that if your date isn’t to random people it’s only a matter of time before they treat you like that as well find happiness that doesn’t rely on others easier said than done you can’t satisfy everyone oh yeah watch me if you never take chances

You’ll be full of regrets problems do not go away if you ignore them long enough in some circumstances they get worse actually what would you do if you woke up with telekinesis see if I can make myself fly that’s probably the first thing I’m sick of driving not tell

Anyone then you can pull little little pranks on people immediately set about testing and developing my Powers privately how fine control do I have can I type with it and tie my shoes what’s the weight limit can I move a couch throw a car can I fly how long can I

Maintain something if someone gets all Road ragy can I just make their car pull over and hover a/ inch above the shoulder for half an hour can I move people can I punch things I’d keep it a secret as long as possible until I figure out exactly what my capabilities

Are then go watch Chronicle for more ideas Andrew Andrew come on man come on Andrew dress up as Darth Vader and tell people I find their lack of faith disturbing embrace my username tellon okay I see what you mean clearly the answer is handsfree no does that mean

You can do it with like clothes on cuz wo probably hit snooze without moving be careful not to just shatter your phone or alarm clock though what’s the worst type of music all right everyone let’s remember music is subjective that [ __ ] alarm clock especially apples

Every time I hear it out of context I get a mini panic attack Oh you mean this one the music you don’t like this is the only reply that makes sense TBH anything you hear being blasted on public transport or hiking please don’t use Bluetooth speakers when you’re going

Hiking I know it’s fun with your friends but it’s also noise pollution and kind of scaring the animals away from their zones ticktockers that release a breakup song and go did I just release the song of the summer no you did not but unfortunately the algorithm is going to

Force me to hear it 40 times corporate advertising music with ukulele and whistling Oh you mean every Kickstarter since 2010 that one You2 album that got randomly downloaded on my phone years ago they will never live this down and I fully support that to be fair it wasn’t

You two that put the album on everyone’s phone you two just wanted to make the album free in iTunes it was Apple’s decision to force it onto everyone’s devices would you say they did it pro bono oh my God whatever the music used in 99% of Tik toks country designed to

Appeal to too many people mainstream pop rap is quite annoying pop rap I I don’t know if I have an exact example in mind Mumble rap or music played at gyms whatever’s currently in the charts oh so you just don’t like new music got it time to sort by controversial whatever

Genre Imagine Dragons is rock yeah I’d say that’s pretty close older people of Reddit who grew up without a phone how did you spend your free time in your 20s drove around aimlessly hung out at coffee shops went to movies and concerts walked around parks in the mall played

Video games went to diners with friends played card and board games sat out in the dark and watched falling stars don’t worry these things aren’t lost to time all you have to do is go outside and put the phone down and you can do these things too ever wonder why so many old

Folks sit in front of the TV so much and before the TV they’d sit around the radio the people on public transport couldn’t bury their heads in cell phones so everyone buried their heads in newspapers distracting ourselves with media is kind of Timeless before I got

Married and had kids in my mid-20s I spent time with Friends game nights bars playing pool other social events I had a very busy social and dating life High School had landlines and walking around the mall eating in the foot court and a movie 20s were landlines drinks darts

And pool the true difference was there was something to talk about because without insta communication you had to tell your buddies or actually face- to-face flirt with the opposite sex biggest Advantage was if you did it well it led to pretty much immediate physical contact handh holding kissing Etc

Reading television hanging out with friends bike riding I went to a lot more movies and I have to admit my house was a lot cleaner with no fear of being recorded and it ending up on YouTube this sounds like a very Ken worry out in the world though I’m not saying that

They are it’s just the vibe I’m getting 50 years old so was in my 20s during the ’90s all free time was spent skateboarding playing punk music or drinking SL getting laid didn’t own a TV till my 30s I don’t know why I gave you like Southern accent sorry Nintendo 64

That sounds like what I would have been up to what do you do after you first wake up hit snooze and go right back to sleep roll around in bed for 30 minutes and then join my morning Zoom meeting just in the nick of time try to go back

To sleep do you really have to try at that point drink water sorry not everyone can be be like you step one denial step two bargaining three anger four depression five acceptance I never get to five it’s it’s too much work rub my balls I too rub this guy’s balls how

Does it feel to be living my dream literally fart a big one okay I guess and so I wake up in the morning and one step outside and two I take a deep breath and three I get real high and four I scream from the top of my lungs

What’s going on sit on the side of the bed chug some cold water and cry the Halloween season is upon us what horror film do you recommend I said Barbarian a while ago so this one is going to be it follows that movie just like gets under

My skin it’s so creepy The Shining all right for the time yeah it probably was scary to me no Sha of the Dead my first R-rated movie ooh solid pick the thing is mandatory watching for me around Halloween absolutely number one classic and if you like Among Us that it’s where

They got the idea original Halloween we watch it every Halloween Rosemary’s Baby 1968 is an absolutely stunning horror movie it’s even pretty light on jump scares and Gore if you’re squeamish despite that it’s creepy as hell and even quite profound that said it’s not exactly Halloweeny if you know what I

Mean it doesn’t have that automnal Pagan magical orange and black quality to it I’m actually drawing a little blank on movies that really capture the vibe of the season but the vich would be a decent example Cabin in the Woods amazing pick and it’s mostly a comedy

That kind of just picks apart the tropes of horror movies The Exorcist it’s every bit as disturbing as it was when it came out Scooby Do on Zombie Island in fact go ahead and watch The Witch’s Ghost and the Cyber Chase to complete the holy Trio the modern remake of zombie island

Is trash the original is [ __ ] lit not exactly horror but Coraline always Coraline the other mother still freaks me out to this day even though like I’m you know a 23-year-old man killer clowns from outer space still haven’t watched this one it’s not cuz I don’t like

Clowns or anything I just I don’t know who is the best example of you either die a hero or live long enough to see yourself become a villain Fritz habber he discovered a way to synthesize ammonia from nitrogen and hydrogen gas which is crucial for fertilizers he was

Also later employed by Germany during World War I to find a way to weaponize chlorine thus becoming the father of chemical warfare after successfully doing so basically he saved billions and killed Millions my dad he was always against the HOA in our neighborhood long story short he wrote an apparently

Strong worded letter about all the changes he would make rules he would enforce Etc there happened to be a vacancy up for grabs and he ended up as the president now he walks around the neighborhood about everyone else’s yards a whole load of these examples prove that it’s not you become the villain

It’s that eventually your Secret villainy Gets found out Kevin space would have gone down as an acting Legend still can’t believe he really just tried saying oh no it’s okay I’m gay so that’s why it’s all right like come on man Chrome verse Explorer people forgot but

Chrome was once viewed as the heroic Frontier Market Breakers I just hope Firefox will die a hero Facebook when it first came about it was seen as a safe social media because you had to have a student ID to make an account it was for high school and college students only

Parents SL adults at the time were worried about their kids having contact with adult Predators on MySpace following many horror stories from Aim and Myspace interactions now it’s a show of adults posting 24/7 and kids lying about their age to get an account data mining users normalization of sharing

Personal data and the company not giving about Online safety the biggest crime is that the social network almost tries to phrase it that Zuckerberg is like a sympathetic character when no no no no no no Jared from Subway absolutely disgusting human being he deserves more than just 15 years OJ Simpson the

Craziest thing is that that man jokes about it now married people have rdit what’s something you wish unmarried people knew being married shouldn’t take away from having a good relationship with yourself it’s okay to use two blankets no one likes to wake up with cold cheeks because your spouse stole

The blanket the wedding is just one day and does not fix any issues it goes back to the exact same relationship afterwards and if you’re lucky that’s a good thing a gracious heartfelt apology goes a long way common values matter way more than common interests it’s better

To stay single forever than to marry the wrong person in my own opinion I think marriage is a scam just move in with the person you like and if things don’t work out oh well it’s not like you have to go to court film snobs of Reddit who was

The single worst casting choice in Hollywood film history John Wayne as genas Khan who thought that was a good idea I waited almost 30 years for a morbius the living vampire film then they cast Leto h James Cordon in cats James Cordon in anything really the cast for The Last

Airbender the acting alone was enough to make it the worst movie of that year I mean I’ve seen better acting in Liberty Mutual commercials oh and those are bad I’m not a film snob but Jared Leto as the Joker stands out as a WTF choice I

Feel so bad for his castmates because he was a literal Maniac on set and offset Steven Seagal as anything I think luckily he only cast himself in his own movies so we’re safe Mark Walberg in the happening I’m not sure any casting Choice could have made that movie not

Suck but I couldn’t believe for even a second that Wahlberg was just a dorky science teacher trying to survive I’m going to amend that I think Mark Walberg in uh the Uncharted movie as Sully what were they thinking Valyrian with Cara deine she had no feelings and zero

Chemistry with the other main character danne Dehan who I’ve also never seen in another movie worst cast thing ever I think danne does a pretty good job in the other movies he’s in I mean minus Spider-Man a little bit but H yeah Kristen Stewart in Snow White and the

Huntsman oh my God I forgot about that movie pretty much everyone in the Netflix Death Note movie oh yeah what were they thinking like Netflix really get it together what is something ancient that only an internet veteran can remember signing the guest book on sites and traffic SLV visitor counters

Putting a counter on your own website and refreshing the page a whole bunch of times I mean people would do that on Tumblr so it’s not that old passworded website chat rooms where the password was in the HTML source so it was accessible by anybody that could do more

Than left click Yahoo was a list of websites then became a major search engine then dominated email Maps message groups chat instant messenger news dating now it barely survives browser software on 3.5 in floppy discs taped to the front of PC magazines the instant household rage because someone picked up

The phone good old dial up baby it is now safe to turn off your computer slowly watching the image you wanted to see load one line at a time the hamster dance according to Miriam Webster hamster dance is not that old come on now ASL for the kids out there that

Don’t know what this means it means American Sign Language and that’s it don’t go looking it up what movie ending is horribly depressing seven oh that one’s so rough the ending of American History X hit me pretty hard the first time hate is bad AG Bridge to Terabithia

I saw that movie as a kid and rewatched it last year and again I cried like a b hey you’re not a b okay that movie gets us all the Fox and the Hound oh no don’t don’t bring those memories back momento is a singular movie to me where I

Thought it was brilliant and I never want to watch it ever again requium for a dream my roommate said that that movie messed her up so I need to watch it soon million dooll baby I haven’t watched I know it’s like what a boxing movie I I

Don’t know what is something that your profession allows you to do that would otherwise be illegal I test fire alarm systems so I pull the pull stations all the time lucky I always wanted to do that in school I can carry scissors at the airport pass through airport

Security without a boarding pass so you work at a McDonald’s in the airport I collect and catalog child sexual abuse materials after I break into people’s cell phone and computers without their permission please tell me you work for the police or something cuz otherwise why are you holding on to it sticking my

Finger in people’s is debt collector I know they’re probably a doctor but that’s still just a weird sentence to say I think touch bottoms of strangers I mean that’s technically not illegal if you have their permission or are you saying you’re allowed to touch people’s bottoms without permission throw mixed

Chemical substances into a giant Firebox without any hazmat suit grab strangers and throw them in the air Russian political henchmen ballet dancer part- time/ guest artist but it sounds cool which celebrity should just go away Dr Phil ever since I saw him treat the girl that didn’t want to see her biological

Mother like that I’m convinced he has some sort of God complex and a bit of an [ __ ] the way the audience cheered on Dr Phil as he’s laying into the girl is really uncomfy the entire Kardashian Clan and whomever they happen to be banging at any given time Chris Brown

Thankfully I haven’t heard much about him in the past few years but he should just go away Nick Cannon did he do something bad I’m kind of out of the loop Caitlyn dinner people forget that she killed someone in 2015 vehicular manslaughter killed one and injured

Seven she’s praised as a hero it seems this barely even tarnished her reputation I mean South Park still kind of clowns her any celebrity that’s a product Pusher and controversial at the same time we shouldn’t be talking about them anymore Britney Spears hear me out she lived all those years under a team’s

Thumb but now she’s free she can go do anything she wants to do live her life as she sees fit unexpectedly wholesome leave Britney Alone Kanye West dude’s not okay he needs mental health help and for the media to stop romanticizing all of the crazy and toxic things he does

Every time I see him pop up with some new Antics I immediately run to the medicine cabinet to double check that I remembered to take my meds the night before there have actually been a couple times where his goofy helped me keep from doing wacky Myself by accident I

Don’t care how talented you think Kanye is he needs to be like institutionalized or something especially after his tweets recently good Lord Jared Leto 100% I mean the dude literally made a cult I would say Ellen but her show was not picked up anymore since everyone figured

Out she does not practice what she preaches most talk show hosts especially James Gordon talk show hosts really just have a God complex because they get to talk to all of the other famous people what is the weirdest thing someone has told you in confidence I started a new

Job and the lady at the desk next to me was this nice older Christian lady and she just sort of told me me out of the blue that she had had surgery on her labia to look better because it was ugly I didn’t really know how to respond to

That there is no good response to that H I had a neighbor who wanted to buy a wife he wanted to get surgery to get taller he went on dates with men realized he wasn’t gay just lonely he was on a 7-year dry spell no sex finally

Hits it and ghosts the girl because she was ugly he ended two female friendships because they didn’t ask him out he got married for tax reasons and his wife left him for a Bernie bro I don’t know if I think he’s toxic or sad or both he

Also went to Yale and is a doctor oh my Lord that is a roller coaster for sure I was in a park once sitting maybe 10 ft away from a stranger he asked me what hour it is and once I told him he used

It as a way to start a small talk I felt he was weird from the start then word after word I don’t know how we reached the point of him telling me that there is no difference between swallowing your own saliva directly or spitting it out

And then swallowing it again and that he sometimes spits on his food just to prove this Theory at that point the only thing that came to my mind is to stand and go sometimes I think the devs just like to give NPCs some quirky little dialogue I sold cars people told me all

Sorts the one I remember is the guy that told me he was impotent why tell me I had a guy that had eye cancer show me what was under his patch once as well that was memorable he liked to strip Barbie dolls naked dip them in the bath

And suck the out of their this was when we were in the third grade together and it was the second thing he told me after his name I mean at least he knows what he likes I guess that they lost a tampon inside themselves weeks earlier and if I

Could help them look for it did you find it there’s a lot of weird stuff I’m down for but that is not one of them ELO I told her she needs a doctor ASAP due to the possibility of TSS they found it and she was fine when I was in school a guy

Flat out told me that every time he saw me he wanted to bite me not sure what to make of it that they think Satan has been possessing them every once in a while and then said that they had main character energy oh they’re one of those people what’s your unpopular rock music

Opinion you can still enjoy and appreciate songs that aren’t lifechanging masterpieces basing your taste and personality on what sucks is lame that applies to every music genre I think it’s okay to not like certain periods of a band it doesn’t make you less of a fan certain rock band secret

For their it factor is just that they had a jazz drummer they make decent tracks great and great tracks Timeless people care way too much about what genre a certain band or artist is I GF if a band sells out or not if I like their songs I like their songs rock and

Metal can be as Bland and soulless as pop music in fact a lot of it is tattoos and electric guitar don’t make you cool if you were singing about your sugar baby butterfly a lot of Gatekeepers ERS in this genre I went on metal memes for

The first time and I learned that I only listen to poser bands way too many music snobs in the genre some people like Taylor Swift in One Direction get over it nothing worse than being at a gig and some douche is banging on about how no

One here is a real fan who liked them before they were mainstream yeah if everyone here was you’d be in a tiny crowd and your favorite band probably wouldn’t be making music anymore I’ll never understand gatekeeping music if you like the band you want them to be

Big right what song takes way too long to get to the good part Jack Sparrow by The Lonely Island now back to the good part Freebird by lonard skinnard it takes like 5 minutes before they play the best part the first 5 minutes aren’t too bad either though Bill Collins In

The Air Tonight skip to 3 minutes 15 seconds for the drums to kick in that new Nickelback song takes 3 minutes and 53 seconds to get to the good part let me guess that’s the that’s how long the song is yeah yeah it is oh come on

Nickelback’s not that bad guys come on get over yourself stop hating because it’s popular to hate seat Hudson Mohawk baby shark I’m still waiting to find the good bit my daughter laughs at I think we’re all waiting for the good part grandpa shark is the good bit 2015 was 7

Years ago what trends have quietly faded Into Obscurity since then this would be a trip down memory lane for me Iggy is Alia yeah I haven’t really heard much from them since then selfie sticks big Trend at concerts festivals and weddings and now we’ve all just switched back to

Finding the longest arm random internet people becoming popular enough for a short time to guest on Ellen for no real reason like Alex from Target yeah Alex from Target damn Daniel all of them on fleek Vines because Vine’s dead I I I am a firm believer that if Vine did not get

Shut down it’d still be very popular nowadays the blue and black versus white and gold dress debate well the answer is blue and black I’m sorry unexpected John Cena that was one of the best memes oh my God I loved that one Shila Buff screaming just do it hipster culture I’m

Not sure if it’s still a thing or not but seemed big when I was younger watching BuzzFeed videos and doing quizzes guys what Disney Princess are you fill out this quiz below I’m lying there’s no quiz how many people here actually lived in 2015 seeing comments like Harlem Shake Tik Tock fidget

Spinners or Uganda Knuckles all wrong Harlem Shake was 2013 Tik Tok was 2018 fidget Spinners was 2016 I think fidget Spinners might have been 2017 yuganda Knuckles was 2016 OR7 no 2017 2017 yeah you to Knuckles was 2017 hotline bling it carried on in meme culture after 2015

But it’s not super popular nowadays being able to comfortably pay my rent the whip in na awful song colorful skinny jeans and denims Miley what’s good celebrity beef it’s it’s just simply the worst bottle flips bottle flips are still fun I do bottle flips

All the time still just like if I see a bottle that’s like almost finished I’ll flip it and then I’ll drink it what song lyrics hit you the hardest you can get addicted to a certain kind of sadness wish I didn’t know now what I didn’t know then under the surface I’m pretty

Sure I’m worthless if I can’t be of service most of these songs I don’t know what they’re from so I’m just speaking the lines I’m sorry feel free to tell me what they are in the comment section in the the clearing stands a boxer and a

Fighter by his trade and he carries the reminders of every glove that laid him down and cut him till he cried out in his anger and his shame I’m leaving I am leaving but the fighter Still Remains you got a fast car is it fast enough so

We can fly away we got to make a decision leave tonight or live and die this way I wish I was special the dreams in which I’m dying are the best I ever had Mr bright side I don’t get how people can really party to it what older

Horror movie 40 plus years old still holds up alien is over 40 now it’s still a [ __ ] killer the original black Christmas in the opening for When a Stranger Calls yeah and Carrie the changeling the thing The Shining in fact the older it gets the creepier it feels

Those zero CGI horror flicks definitely have a different feel from some of the modern ones the Overlook feels Eerie even if nothing scary had happened no one has mentioned my favorite Night of the Living Dead still scares me poltergeist The Exorcist still holds up to this day maybe it’s the whole

Religious aspect but I still know people who refuse to watch it again even after seeing it years ago what’s some basic knowledge that a scary amount of people don’t know how to emerge in traffic how long it takes a semi truck to stop how to tell if food has gone bad when I

Worked in a meat department we got like one call a day from people saying I bought this x days ago is it still good lady I’m not there with you this ain’t a smell phone you’re going to have to use your own senses and brain on this one

That the scientific meaning of theory isn’t what the cial sense means first aid how to spot an obvious scam look how many people fall for those clickbait articles and chain post and propaganda and stuff antibiotics do not work on a virus evidence-based reasoning and what evidence means prove it what about you

Prove it NOP what about you prove it don’t bother wild animals I’m sure it’s just natural selection at this point but the amount of stupid people I see walking up to wild creatures for video footage is irritating bonus point if the human gets hurt that you should wait for

People to get off the elevator when it arrives at your floor instead of cramming yourself in when the doors open blocking their departure and keep walking when you go through a door to step off an escalator if you could remove one thing from the world what

Would it be greed easily the best option it would solve so many problems all at once allergies so many people will be thankful for the day that all allergy suddenly disappeared also this means mosquito bites will not be itchy anymore because we are allergic to the mosquito

Spit they inject us with bed bugs I was going to say nuclear weapons but yeah bed bugs poverty it would solve an insane amount of other problems as well problems hey shorten to the point Greg you know what you did Greg The liveaction Last Airbender film barriers

That stopped me from being able to use magic weekly repeated questions on r/ askreddit Putin going to be Putin a stop to that sorry the root of all evil nesy the YouTube album gifted by Apple that keeps coming back a decade later the internet post 2004 keep email and

Wikipedia ditch the rest now thanks I’d be out of a job what are the most annoying corporate buzzwords or phrases that you’re sick of our workers are part of our family or something along the lines of that yeah no they’re not just an excuse to be able to treat your

Co-workers and employees like garbage we have values no you don’t willing to work in a fast-pace environment ends up in a cubicle take a more holistic approach a classic if I knew what holistic means I could make a joke about this when someone refers to a request as an ask

And everything is an issue must have excellent communication skills what if they’re just great communication skills huh gu I’m screwed it amazes me how many people can spew so much hor and not even say a damn thing just recently my manager started saying does anyone have

The bandwidth to help out every time I see or hear it I get closer to destroying my computer but do you have the bandwidth though I love corporate buzzwords you can send emails which sound intelligent without actually saying anything and just confuse everyone it’s aeal funny if you are ESL

Working in an English-speaking country doing the needful for us all resources to describe human beings you’re twice as likely to disappear under mysterious circumstances if you refer to someone as a resource while they’re sitting in a meeting with you you can give one non-flying animal apart from humans the

Ability to fly which animal do you choose to maximize chaos penguin their rage has gone unchecked far too long giraffes cuz let’s just make them weirder pigs whole lot of people will have to eat their words sloth I don’t know if they’d be able to flap their

Wings fast enough to FL why Bears Grizzly for that lovely plus of violence hippos kangaroos imagine one of those kicking in your bedroom window in the middle of the night cats poor Birds whales if I have to get specific blue whales you’re going to take the world’s largest mammal currently and give it

Wings to make it Fly how is that a good idea you tell me snakes no thanks Bulls specifically red ones they would just give them away yeah cuz they give everyone Wings yeah that’s the joke piranhas well they are fish so they probably wouldn’t last out of the ocean

Very fast great white sharks centipedes can you imagine one of those mother flying at you at 20 mph what’s a movie that bombed at the box office but was actually good the Sha Shank Redemption the thing office space idiocracy 2 Mike Judge doesn’t tend to do well at the box

Office but his films sure do have long-term relevance there are hundreds but Blade Runner comes to my mind at first Treasure Planet Contender for the best animated movie ever up there with the Iron Giant The Edge of Tomorrow Grandma’s Boy it’s a wonderful life is probably the biggest example of this it

Was an absolute flop at the box office it almost killed the studio that made it at one point there was some debate about ownership of it and nobody wanted it so TV networks could air it without paying anyone that’s when it started getting shown on TV constantly around Christmas

It gained its status as one of the best Christmas movies of all time hook it flopped at the box office and has 29% on Rotten Tomatoes but I will always love that movie Princess Bride which fast food will you not eat and why I was a victim of the Chipotle eoli outbreak

Never again Subway it smells weird KFC their quality went way down the chicken is way small for its high price as a Canadian I’m going to put this out there Tim Horton burned coffee factory made pastry products bagels are pretty bad as well Taco Bell I was in one when my

Brother died 17 years ago I had a really good pizza and now normal Pizza is no longer good enough for me Chick-fil-A Dairy Queen went to order an ice cream cake with my mom and she saw one of the employees wash the dishes take out the

Garbage and make the food all with the same gloves ew what I’m going to throw up I think think that’s disgusting Jimmy John’s because the owner of the company is a huge [ __ ] and is just so Bland what is your favorite gas station snack me personally I’m a big corn nuts guy

Specifically the ranch ones I’m sure every one I eat is another 2 years off my life but God damn it there is something about gas station hot dogs that are just incredible pizza pretel Combos and a Pepsi iced honey buns the beef stick cheese stick combo pack I

Would but I lact toose Peach O-rings they are so good and addicting and you can’t eat just a few the whole bag is required Lifesaver gummies am I the only one who loves funions haven’t gotten it since before the pandemic but my 100% go-to treat from a gas station while on

The road with the peanut butter Twix bars team corn nuts represent you know corn nuts actually follows me on Twitter Twitter is @ saymon live by the way Andy caps cheese fries almost impossible to find but they always smack combos I love them you find yourself on stage with a

Microphone you must entertain a crowd for the next 20 minutes what do you do welcome to the show guys thank you all for coming please give a warm welcome to this guy from the audience then just sit down gigachad tell the timing joke what’s the key to a good joke wait 20

Minutes in silence timing then walk away tell a story and hope it goes well now this is a story all about how my life got flipped turned upside down perform Lincoln Park’s Hybrid Theory album start to finish braver than I am well here goes my first attempt at standup comedy

Snacks and cigarettes are available in the lobby the main show will begin in 20 minutes while we wait here’s wonder wall