Here is the link to all my best resources:
https://beacons.ai/narcabusecoach/
chapters:
00:00 Intro
00:51 The narcissist’s behavior is controlled by a set of habits
01:46 Rigidity in repeatability
02:30 They dissociate through the routines and habits
03:26 These routines give them a false sense of functionality
04:35 Sync the inner world with outer
05:09 Routines sustain and maintain their false self
06:28 Conclusion
28 Comments
Here is the link to all my best resources:
https://beacons.ai/narcabusecoach/
He would eat the exact same thing Every night.
This makes a lot of sense. My narc ex had zero tolerance for stepping out of her comfort zone.
One of the narcissists in my life used to pray and read religious material over and over again. They had a rigid schedule they stuck to day in and day out. The outcome was that no matter what I said or did I was on my way to Hell. I still believe in Heaven, Hell, Jesus, and the Bible, but I see God very differently than I used to see Him.
This is AMAZING! This answers SO many questions I gave had! Thank you!
Exactly like my dad , the news , the prayers… But the most frustrating part was he won't let us pray in peace because he's the one providing us with food and shelter so we have to worship him
Great insight. It’s ironic and tragic that people who are cowardly deep down cause so much fear and distress for their victims. But when it’s a parent you think it’s normal. This stuff should be taught as standard to school kids.
Baking bread even though it was nasty. Kissing me before she went to work, even though it was hollow. Cooking for others, even though it was to maintain the mask of giving and caring. Everything was false. Just as her cheating and lying was repeated over and over. Interesting observation on your father's garden. My inner child has shown me my mother and it explains why I've been attracted to the women over my life, When a woman tries to manipulate, fails, then I appear to win, it is very sexually exciting even though in reality, they won the manipulation, only letting me think I won. It's very crazy.
Great explanation. I know someone exactly like that.
Thank you for sharing. This is remarkable. Thank you.
Great session. New info for me. 🎉
I saw his true self only once over my whole life. When i recovered data from his computer. For a moment, the constantly negative and highly abusive person disappeared and the only thing left was scared, little boy.
I'm not sure ive seen much in terms of them having routines. Ive seen a lot of addiction with them like they are trying to avoid responsible routines. I guess its the difference between high and low functioning. Some are barely functioning.
This is so close to what I am going through, that it is scary !
My mother was like your dad with her working in her garden. She actually toiled in the garden like some kind of punishment on her body in the hot sun for hours, barely drinking. She was obsessive in her routines. We used to try to make jokes about how you could trace around the base of dishes and spices and tools in her kitchen and find everything in the same place year after year. The worst for me was her routines about doing dishes and kitchen clean up. It had to be done immediately after a meal. No deviation was allowed. When we tried to vacation at the cottage this was where my relationship with my mother got toxic. After building and fixing things all day, my father wanted to go out and fish before it got dark. My mother wanted the kitchen cleaned up and dishes done. She would seethe while doing dishes which my job was to dry, because he went out. As this evolved, he wanted me to paddle him around to all his favourite fishing spots, leaving Mother to stew in her anger alone. Years and years later, I made another misguided attempt to talk to her about our relationship. I talked of my feelings and she completely blindsided me with “well, you took my husband away from me”. It truly knocked the air from my lungs, and the conversation was totally over.
One such narcissist I knew of showered and brushed his teeth religiously, but he still had an odd smell (note, that's not even body odour) and his teeth were not good.
My ex is a narcissist but embraces change, but she repeats the same stories over and over again.So annoying! Was also the queen of playing the victim, If you told her she was playing the victim she would say I'm not a victim I'm a survivor haha!
They also have no sense you humor. You try to tense with them and they don't seem to get it.
I understand what he's saying but he and other psychologists are unable to fully convey the full inner torment of the narcissist.
So let me try. Imagine you have a bad day, things go wrong you lose your self confidence and feel depressed that evening. To snap out of it you go to the supermarket and buy beer or order a pizza to numb the pain. Next day you've forgotten what you felt anxious about and are back to normal. We've all experienced it. But for the narcissist the anxiety never ends, it continues day after day without out end. They will phone you about every petty problem for reassurance about which is the best way to proceed.
But despite their their dependence on you for reassurance (what psychologists call "supply") they still feel superior to you and are contemptuous. After all they may have ten other people to give reassurance beside you. So while they may ask you 10 times about some petty problem they will also ask 10 other people for reassurance and ten times for each! Though you may not be aware they are doing this. Their turmoil is without end.
Despite this narcissist getting good advice (supply) about the law, accountancy and even his Peyronie's disorder (look it up 😅) he never really appreciated it as I later learned. He would keep me waiting for meetings and tell me where to sit in a restaurant. I thought this was just eccentric behaviour at first until I learned it was deliberately done to control and feel superior.
So towards the end he was manically phoning me about some silly problem instead of taking it seriously and trying to calm him I started laughing and I said: "my, you have a big problem there"! From then he knew the "friendship" had run its course and he was out of supply.
My husband worships god everyday one hour without fail, but very abusive to me I got confused how he behaves like this
U r giving valuable information
My experience with malignant is that they use food as a form of control. I come from a family with a few of them. They are bloody sick and obsessed
So true I too felt strange that person who prays daily can be so abusive
Some people regard routine & discipline as being "holy" & moral & they expect to be revered for maintaining such behaviour as part of their daily life.& They also expect reverence & resoect for imposing their lifestyle upon you .almost like they believe they are saving your mortal self from your own demise.
This is one of the best videos. Thank you for this explanation. It describes them so much, especially my mother.
This was very interesting… thought provoking 🧐
Danish. This is your best one yet, keep them coming, you have helped me heal from my cruel ex- husband.
They have black and white thinking
Great video and thank you Danish