Hi everyone, just sharing my story of what happened today.
I will keep the details short, if you have any questions, thats okay, I will answer when I feel better.
This morning my father wanted help shoveling snow for his small business (which I am not a part of and he has never payed me when I have done labor). I said no because I am already working a job, today is my off day after working 40 hours this week. A verbal fight ensued with my family, where he threatened to break my new cabinet (a Christmas gift from a relative which I had received this morning) as well as all of my plants. After a while, my father left to do his work, or so I thought.
~45 minutes later he comes back into the house and runs up into the room where i had my plants, and physically fights with my mother near my plants. After a while, he throws my a. dragonscale across the room, where its almost completely ripped of roots and soil as well as the leaves getting cut. (see image). My c. ornata and my p. ring of fire (which got multiple leaves either torn off or ripped) were also completely uprooted and thrown across the room. I come into the room, and when I realized what had happened, I choked him from behind and from there, there was a very intense fight, he bit me so hard that his own lips bled, punching, pulling hair, it was the worst fight we have ever had.
I hate to admit it, but my plants are very emotionally important to me. When he threatened to throw my plants in the beginning, I warned him that it would be a decision that would change everything (as in, me and my mom living in his house anymore, my already almost nil respect for him as a person, etc.).
After our fight, he called the cops, where they talked to all of us, but I remember the cops downstairs specifically mentioning that because im 18, my personal property is protected under the law if he is to damage it, (he also often takes things like my own computer, my phone, etc, and hides them in the house where I am not able to find them). Aside from that, the cops did not do much else besides get interviews of the situation from all sides and let us know that since all members of the house were involved, they couldn't take anyone into a jail or likewise.
Im unsure what to do. I have the possibility to press charges for the property damages, but I can just imagine the civil courts not caring about something as little as plant damages, especially when these are not "rare" plants, and are $40 tops at the Home Depot.
If anyone has any advice on what to do, thats appreciated. But my end goal is to move out whenever my mother has a stable income. Large, unnecessary fights, where my things are damaged over small things has been a staple of my father for as long as I have known him. So hopefully I can rehome my plants somewhere safer soon.
Have a good day everyone.
by Asstanker
32 Comments
P.S. I would like to add that the dragonscale was my first ever houseplant, so it held a lot of sentimental value to me. So it’s really heartbreaking that it was the most damaged with the least likelihood of recovery.
If you work 40 hours/week you should at least be able to rent a room somewhere else or talk to relatives if you could stay with them if you pay some rent and contribute towards bills.
As sad as it is to lose plants that hold sentimental value, this is unfortunately a much bigger issue about much more than the plants. I hope they recover and you can find a new and much safer place soon.
That’s disturbing. I feel sad reading all this 🥲🥲🥲
Are you okay?
I am feeling overwhelmed.
I hope everything gets fine.
Even if they are not any rare plants but the thing is he damaged your property so press charges irrespective of what happens.
🫂🫂🫂🫂🫂🫂🫂
Please ensure your safety first.
Plants have an incredible will to continue to grow and live. This is a terrible situation but not all is lost for your plants! I’m sending you and your mom a lot of positive energy
This is very disturbing behavior coming from him. I know times are tough but please do anything you can to leave this home. And take your mother with you while you’re at it. Also record every instance something like this happens. There’s a chance you might have to file a restraining order once you leave.
I would do everything you can to leave that situation. Even renting a room somewhere as others have said.
I am so sorry that you and your mom are in this situation. Please seek help now and don’t wait until your mom has a stable income. Domestic violence tends to escalate and this was a serious act. The police should have left you with resources for help. Pack up your things, maybe ask a friend to plant sit. Get out ASAP. If you have a friend or relative who can take you in temporarily, go there. First priority is getting out. Once out please seek therapy. Being exposed to this type of living situation is harmful even if it previously did not become physical. Good luck, my prayers go out to you.
Sorry about your family situation. Gardening in all forms is a great escape and a rewarding passion. Stay strong, my friend.
What a fucking dick head. Sorry that happened
I’m so very sorry. What an awful situation for you. I hope you can get out of there..
Oh my heck, I’m so sorry 🙁 for your plants, but also for the whole situation. Like others have said, ensure your safety first. I hope that you can soon get your own space where you can feel safe, loved, and grow lots of beautiful plants. I’m a father and I can’t imagine emotionally devastating my kids like this. Breaks my heart thinking of your pain. Sending healing and love your way (if that’s not too corny).
How you holding up buddy? Physically and Mentally. Can I be brass and ask what state you live in. That will depend on what services are available to you
Plant can be replaced, you cannot, OP. Please be safe.
I know you’re asking about the plants but I just wanted to ask if you’ve had the bite looked at? It sounded quite severe and human bites can be dangerous re infection, the whole situation sounds like an awful thing to deal with, I hope you’re keeping safe whatever happens next
I grew up in a similar situation as you did, with a violent, narcissistic and highly controlling father that went through long psychotic episodes exacerbated by drug abuse. I’m almost 30 now.
The only way for you to heal is to get out asap. The plants are not priority no. 1 right now, although I don’t mean to say you shouldn’t try to save these. Figuring out and the quickest way to get out of that situation is. My healing process started way too late and I have a lot of regrets because of it. You can’t start healing from this lifelong abuse until you’re free from it.
Go no contact. Might have to move. Good luck!
Plants are pretty resilient, there may be shock for awhile from the abrupt damage, but a lot of times they bounce back. And if they don’t, they can be replaced. You, however, are not replaceable. Please keep yourself safe & focus on getting out of that dangerous situation as soon as possible.
Take care OP🫂
You and your mom need to seek help from a domestic violence resource group or shelter… you both need to get out of that house before your dad hurts either of you again.
As angry as he was about you not working for him, and you making an ultimatum about him touching the plants, he’s going to be even angrier now that you physically fought him and that the cops reprimanded him for the blatant property damage. He’s going to be mad they didn’t arrest you for your part in the fight. Throwing your plants was a power play and it did *not* go his way. He’s not going to like that.
I have a feeling this is going to escalate.
Does your grandma have somewhere in her home that she can keep that cabinet and your plants while you get into more stable housing? It’s less than ideal but you guys need to get out ASAP and I worry that if you leave your plants behind he’ll smash that whole cabinet and you’ll never see the plants again.
I am so sorry. Your dad is an abusive, controlling asshole. You and your mom deserve better.
You and your mom need to start making plans to get out. It isn’t about property, it’d not about work. It’s not about respect or responsibility. It’s about abuse and control.
I was reminded last week of the day that I finally decided that it was enough. No one believed me until a neutral party found the evidence, and if I could do things over again, I would surprise my ex with federal agents at our door with handcuffs.
Instead, I chose a life of fear and shame. Please, even if you must take control, do it for your mother and be strong. You can replace plants but you can’t replace each other. Find a safe place for your plants, pets, and your mother and get out as soon as you can.
And above all, DO NOT TELL YOUR FATHER BECAUSE IT’S NOT SAFE TO TELL HIM YOU’RE LEAVING!
My dad sabotages my plants all the time and thinks I dont know he does it. On the bright side, I dont ever have to feel guilty about not liking him because anyone who does that to their child is cruel. I hope you can get yourself into a better situation soon, and fwiw a lot of those plants should bounce back. Trust me, they have an insanely strong sense of perseverance!
Get your plants and you the fuck outta that situation. Good luck sorry you gotta deal with shit like this
I’m sorry 🙁
My advice: make it a priority to gtfo. This time it was plants, next time it might be you or your mom.
Making plans to get out can be overwhelming. Try not to let that deter you from protecting yourself. Take it one step at a time. There are organizations that can help you with that, they vary by location.
😟
Is your mom motivated to get stable income? Regardless you should have a plan B
You’ve started a paper trail about your sperm donors habits. Good. Next step is to get out of that house and, hopefully, get your mother out as well. The plants have sentimental value yes, but you cannot be propagated unlike them.
Best of everything to you, the wait list for lower income apartments can be LONG but the prices tend to be a smidge better
All the plants do is make the air fresher and that’s how he thanks them??! Not cool
I just lived with a sister a few months ago who worked out she could control me by threating to kill or my plants or actually doing it now that I’m finally on my own the peace I have with my plants is so freeing keep your chin up things will get better even though it doesn’t feel like it right now
You’ve got some beautiful plants.
I hope you and your plants recover.
My father and I used to throw “dead” plants we had dug up and replaced for clients behind a topsoil pile on the edge of the woods. We never went back there (pile was big). I finally went back there one day and found that half the plants had rooted and were growing on top of the ground. Plants are very tough.
When my aunt called after my bday, my mother ordered me to tell her I was having a lot of fun with the RC plane she sent me, and right in front of her I told my aunt that my mother hadn’t gotten to fly it because my mother broke it to punish me. Then I offered my mother the phone.
The most pathetic part of the story is that my mother tried to tell her sister that I was lying, but her sister knew better than to believe her.
My abusive husband broke into my house after I kicked him out and we were going through divorce proceedings and destroyed the house, including throwing all of my plants. Do not worry. I put everything back together and many of my plants lived. They even gave me hope because they survived …just like I did. It will be okay