Jim Gaffigan on the summer harvest: Too many cukes!

Hi, I hope you are having a good summer. I just thought that I should come clean and admit here, on this show, that I have a problem.

I’m of course talking about gardening.

The issue is I’m not good at gardening and I don’t learn. When I say not good, I don’t mean I can’t grow anything. That would be preferable at this point. Additionally, I only remember I’m bad at gardening around this time of the summer. Not in May! Not in June! Not even in July! In August is when I realize I’m not a farmer. Heck, I’m not even a gardener. Look at how pale I am. I shouldn’t even be outside.

Every year my gardening cycle repeats itself. In May I commit to “doing it right this year.” I patiently wait for the last frost date and after a good five minutes of planning, I sow seeds in my garden I know my family will eat.

Every year I pledge, this year is going to be different.

Yet in June, I always adjust my non-existent garden plan. This year I embraced “succession” planting which has nothing to do with that HBO show but seems to provide just as much drama. Succession planting means to plant the same crop multiple times throughout the growing season to ensure a continuous harvest. That way I could have a steady flow of cucumbers. Pretty smart, right?

In early July my first cucumbers arrived and, well, they were a hit. Who doesn’t love a fresh cucumber spear with some salt or some hummus? Then it rained. More cucumbers! My oldest daughter does her cucumber salad, which was a hit. Sure, it cannibalized some of the family eating my fresh cucumber spears, but that’s all good.

Then it rained again. More cucumbers! What a bounty! Not a problem: I’m ready to pickle.

My pickles are a hit! I mean, not as popular as my daughter’s salad (which I think she found online, you know what I mean? She didn’t come up with it. I grew the cucumbers…).

Then it rained again. More cucumbers! I’m kind of confused. Then I remember I did that succession planting thing. So, instead of “more” cucumbers, I have “way, way more” cucumbers. Which is exactly what I’ve been doing for the past couple of years.

I don’t know what I’m doing.

Do you want some cucumbers? I have to get rid of them.

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Story produced by Lucie Kirk. Editor: Remington Korper.