TW: mental health
I recently had a sudden & unplanned admission to an inpatient behavioural health clinic.
I’m totally fine! Better than I have been in a while, really!
However…
I was gone for 8 days. My mother-in-law came by while my partner was at work & she deep cleaned for hours.
When I came home, it was so nice to see! We have 4 kids, both work full-time, & until a couple of months ago I was a full-time student. Sooo I definitely appreciate any help I can get immensely.
That said, I noticed the monstera I had bought a week before my admission— my first monstera that I was supremely proud of & happy with— had been put outside in the east tx heat & direct sunlight 😭
I was so overwhelmed with so much at once, seeing my plant dead as hell made me actually tear up lol. Like… almost as if my irrational (unconscious) fear of lacking control may not me so irrational after all 😂
I mean, COME ON! Who sees a house with 20+ houseplants, picks one & says “hmmm, nah…. This should NOT be inside” lol.
Anyway, my partner basically got onto me for getting so emotional. I get it looks super ungrateful, but idk! It just got to me!
Anyway, if you’re struggling just get yourself evaluated. I’ve been on 10+ anti-psychs & anti-depressants, & after a >20 year struggle with poor mental health, I finally got a med I really like with no side effects :’)
by Interesting_Ideal429
43 Comments
I totally get the disappointment and sadness because of this. Just leaving a Monstera alone for 8 days will probably be absolutely fine but this isn’t. I hope you can save some bits or have the money to get a new one.
If you leave it out it will adjust and grow back stronger. I”M WRONG. I DID”T READ THEY WERE IN TEAXS
I would definitely have cried, even if I needed the help with everything else. Maybe your partner can buy you a new one? But I think this plant is salvageable with propagation.
I’m so sorry that your plant got mistreated like that. I have a parent that just knows better and it’s infuriating to deal with.
As for the plant, the black stuff isn’t going to come back to life but there might be something worth saving. I’d put it back where it was happy, cut back the dead stuff, and give it a little extra tlc for a few weeks. If the roots or enough of the stem survived you might get something that regrows. Either way, I wouldn’t decide until it’s been given a good watering and moved back into the house for a few hours. Plants, like people, can be remarkably resilient.
OP, I’m so happy that you finally found a med that works for you with fewer side effects etc. I, too, know how exhilarating that can be. I’m truly SO happy for you.
Yet I’m sorry you’re not was dampened by seeing your plant treated like this. That wasn’t fair or very kind of her.
You have every right to feel the way you do. It doesn’t make you ungrateful for all the other things she did.
And as others have said, hopefully it’s salvageable. I don’t know much about it but I usually hear people say that as long as the roots are ok, you’ll be able to save it. You’ll have to chop some of it (I’m so sorry) but maybe you can look at it as you and the plant starting anew, together. (Dumb idea, but trying to think of SOMETHING, ya know?)
You’re doing great. 😌 don’t let anyone tell you otherwise.
I get it. We had gotten back from vacation and one of our cats had damaged multiple plants. I lost a few and have several in rehab and I cried real tears over it. I was so upset. And that was coming home from vacation, not coming home from working on my mental health. So I get it. I wish you the best of luck in your journey moving forward and the most beautiful plants to go with ❤️
Plants dying suck, I feel you. And also sometimes it’s not the plant dying, it is everything else going on and the plant is the least abstract and most tangible thing to breakdown over. From an outsider’s perspective it seems silly to cry over ”just” a small thing, but it’s rarely the only cause and sometimes that small thing felt like the only positive you had. Definitely been there myself and it sucks.
I hope you treat yourself to a new monstera and settle back into your life with this more stable medication that helps you live your best life. 🫶
It might not be totally dead. My mom hacked one to the base to spite me and it came back. I wish I could send you one of mine.
Like others already mentioned, it might be worth it to save what is left of her and go from there. I‘ve also managed to grow back a monstera, which needed to be cut down because of severe thrips infestation. Also managed to grow back a fiddle leaf fig, which someone put outside and it got fried by the sun. It takes lots of patience and time, but it is doable. Sending lots of love ❤️
You had it for a week, get another one and get over it, if it had been in the family for years that would be totally fair, I know I sound callous but really people.
I don’t feel like crying was an over reaction this time. To me it’s less about the actual plant and more about others in the house respecting something you loved.
When others let something die or be mistreated that you love or enjoy it feels like a huge lack of respect. They don’t have to love your plants but in loving you they have to have respect for things you love.
Your plant will absolutely recover it will just take some time. Cut off the bad leaves even if it’s all of them. Give it a lot of water and keep taking care of it. and yourself!
I love my plants, buta t the end of the day they are just plants. You are entitled to feel bad and emotional, but hey! It seems like you have a great mother in law who just happened to make a mistake. Just communicate your feelings to your hubby and you can get another one for 25 bucks.
Hey OP! Someone else here chiming in thats got serious mental health struggles and tons of houseplants.
One of my monsteras had thrips and was quarantined outside. It started yellowing, looking real ugly… I felt like it was a lost cause. GA heat, only watered when its rained on type deal. The thrips are gone (after some tlc and sprays) and that sucker is doing even better than it was indoors. It even has 4 brand new leaves. Plants can make surprising come backs. Just like we can!
Not sure where in Texas you are, but I recommend checking out any local plant groups near you!
Facebook groups like DFW Plant Peeps and PlantsbyViridiana often have low costs plants people are selling or wanting to trade, but I’ve also gifted lots of plants there too! They often have Wishlist Wednesday days! Someone may be willing to make your wish come true.
Also cut that baby back to nubs and it should bounce back!
I don’t think you’re that upset about the commonly available plant you had for a week. I think it’s representative of other things from your time away from your family.
Assume it was an honest mistake and move forward.
I don’t think that plant is dead dead. There is a fair amount of green on those leaves on the left and the mainstem is probably ok. I’d hack off the leaves right of center in the photo down to the base. Might need to do the same with every other stem in a week but they could recover. Monsterras can be pretty resilient, excepting some particular types, and the main stem is pretty bulky. I’m certainly no expert but that plant probably still has some life.
I’m not an expert but I don’t think this Monstera is done for! I have a tendency of forgetting to water and leaving my plants to close to the sun. Certainly listen to the experts but probably cutting it back and repotting would help!
It’s probably still alive……keep watering it.
I picked up a free monstera from the roadside……cut pieces off to root it and replant it so it wasn’t so leggy. . Put the old soil away for a few weeks….used the old soil to plant new seeds of a different plant and ended up with two new monsteras
This also happened to me luckily I had just separated two plants and kept the we’ll fenestrated one inside. I ended up chopping her up and she’s already got new growth going. I never actually looked at the roots during that week. But yesterday I got curious and dug it up and there’s even new growth happening on what’s barely a node so I put it in all perlite so see what happens. If it goes well I’ll have 4 monsters now lol.
Amen to your final paragraph, I’m so happy you’re feeling better. Please don’t think I’m crazy but this is so symbolic to me. You can bring life back into her as you’re doing with yourself. I’m sorry this happened but she can def make a big comeback.
Of course, I’m so, so sorry about your monstera and you have every right to feel that pain as hard as you are. On another hand, I’m so, so, so unbelievably happy for you. I hope your path to finding you peace is absolutely stunning and filled with as many big, beautiful, shining monsteras as you want.
Mine was struggling this past winter indoors. Spring came, and I chopped that baby all the way down and stuck it outside in the hot, hot heat with water every day, and she is thriving. Bigger than ever. Stay strong, Mama! Grow your new leaves along with the plant.
It may still live! If it has green there’s a chance. The monstera subreddit may be more helpful with specific care.
I’m going to respond with a similar but not plant-related anecdote.
I was knee-deep in a very challenging thesis, my father was dying of a terrible and rare terminal disease, and my wonderful husband took on the bulk of household duties, including cooking, which was my usual contribution. One evening he made a shoyu beef recipe, something easy to make in one pan with some rice. But! I have a texture thing with food, and *hate* when ground beef is mushed into a pulp before it’s seared properly. I’m not picky, the opposite actually, but that texture makes me shudder just thinking about it. Well, guess how my husband had cooked the beef? Into a pulp with no sear on the beef. I took one bite after my very long day (father had taken the next step towards death) and burst into full-on toddler tears. I explained as best as I could around those big ridiculous sobs only a temper tantrum produces. My husband was concerned but very patient and understanding. He didn’t get mad at me for crying, didn’t get upset or bothered. He didn’t list everything else he had done for me or the house that day, he just listened and then made me a sandwich. We tried to apologize to each other before agreeing we each had nothing to apologize for.
**You are not crazy or ungrateful for this outburst. I literally spat out my husband’s cooking and started wailing like a child. You literally just purchased that Monstera and are obviously and understandably still a little emotionally fragile.**
I understand that the monstera was not your family’s first priority and it is probably unreasonable to expect it to be, but it’s really okay to be upset. And based on the stress you were/are already under it was a pretty normal reaction to have. Don’t beat yourself up!
I’m so sorry about your Monstera, that would upset me too to be fair. I just wanted to day I’m so pleased you have found a medication that you like and get on with. Ive struggled since I was 15 with mental health issues and have been on so many different medications over the many many years, and had many inpatient hospital stays.! (I’m 53 now!) I, too have found a medication combination that works for me. I’ve been on them for quite a few years now and while I still can get emotional, it isn’t anywhere near what it used to be.
I’m so happy for you. You’ve got this !
When my plants suffer, I suffer. The top of my fiddle leaf got crunched in a door (maybe the top 6 inches or so) and I cried for almost an hour. Your spouse shouldn’t be on your ass for tearing up, god damn you’re going through so much right now like can they not cut you some slack??? Of course you’re grateful for the help around the house. You can feel multiple things at once! Gratitude and sadness
No – You are entitled to your emotional reaction after a trying time.
I lost my 4-year-old Aussie in October (my fault, hit by a car and died in my arms). I poured all my grief and guilt into a new notebook that I designated as my 2025 journal, that I started a little early.
Last week my 5 month old puppy shredded that journal to bits. I was not okay – I cried, I snotted, I drooled, I screamed, I puked. It was “just a journal” but it was also all my feelings about my loss, my recovery, my new puppy…
No one else gets to decide how we react emotionally, sometimes not even ourselves can control how we experience something.
In the end I’m glad to be rid of that journal. The pages were all very painful to re-read. And of course I would re-read often to torture myself, as punishment.
I’m so sorry about your plant, OP. Your partner wasn’t being fair at all to be honest, they should’ve understood how much this hurt and frustrated you. But I’m SO proud of you and happy for you for doing what you needed to do and getting on better meds!!! That’s amazing! ❤️❤️❤️
Also, I don’t think your monstera is dead. They’re surprisingly resilient and it looks like there’s still hope! Though if you want to just throw it out so you don’t have to see that reminder, know that’s completely okay. You can get another one. But if you do want to salvage this one, I think you can!
The black/brown parts will never come back but you will most likely get new growth. Bring it inside and put it in a bright spot without any cold vents blowing on it, and leave the green parts on for now so it can get all the energy possible from those remaining leaves. Water a bit lighter at first, maybe for the first 2-4 weeks, to avoid dry rot. Once you start seeing new growth, you can go ahead and chop off the old ugly leaves. Alternatively, you could always unpot it, chop it into cuttings of node+leaf, and stick those pieces in water (maybe after dipping in some rooting hormone) to start fresh! Whatever you do, you’re doing great, OP ❤️ sending love!
First of all – I’m glad to hear you’re back and feeling better! And I’m glad your MIL is looking out for you even if the plant didn’t enjoy her hard work.
BUT – monsteras are hearty beasts – cut off all the leaves that seem completely dead, keep 1-2 that seem healthiest if those exist. Then water it like normal.
That monstera can still bounce back. It isn’t a guarantee, but I see enough green. It still has a chance.
That’s deviating I’m sorry friend.
Good new is it will definitely pop back you might lose leaves, but the plant itself will be OK
I also have mental health issues and I think they make me a lot more emotional about my plants than I should be. I’ve been dealing with a thrip invasion that keeps coming back and it has me at my wits end – my partner had to put up with my sulking for a while. Once I was done feeling bad, I got to work and did what I could for my babies.
At the end of the day, they are pretty resilient and will bounce back if given the proper care. Our plants are a source of happiness and relief for us when they’re healthy and thriving. Let’s just do our best to take care of them when life gives them lemons.
I would’ve cried too. Not exactly ideal but from experience with burned monsteras, you can actually cut the leaves off themselves since they’re so crunchy and leave the leaf stems. I did this so the plant would still be able to make itself food. This triggered the nodes to sprout so I ended up with multiple little baby plants! Then at this point was when I finally cut the leaf stems away from the main stem. Wait until the babies put off their own root and then they can be cut off from the original main stem!
Youd be surprised at how resilient plants can be. Bring it back inside where you had it give her a trim and let it recover.
We aren’t faeries, we can feel more than one emotion at a time, you can be grateful for the cleaning and sad that your plant died aswell.
It’s definitely salvageable. I don’t think you’re being ungrateful. You can appreciate what someone did but not like aspects of what they did. It’s like someone buying you a milkshake in the one flavour you don’t like, you can appreciate they thought of you enough to do it but be sad that it’s not exactly what you wanted.
My dog knocked over and ripped up my $10 clearance Epipremnum Albo the other day on my birthday and I definitely cried lol I don’t think it’s an overreaction. Looks like everyone gave good advice as it doesn’t seem like this plant is dead dead. Proud of you for getting the help you needed!
I would have cried even if they put a chocolate bar out in the sun and it melted tbh, you’re definitely not overreacting, however I also have the fear of lacking control so that’s why I relate so hard 😭🤣
I just bought one and my cat has bit the stem right at the leaf on every single branch making it droop. I literally taped them up hoping a miracle can happen. The little butthole didn’t eat the thing thank God, but why bite? I swear it was just to piss me off. Anyway, Lowe’s has them for $24.99 right now at least in Ohio. Hopefully yours will recover along with your health because you so got this and you deserve a break.
I understand and empathize how certain things can push us over the edge, even when it seems irrational. But please remember a plant is replaceable. Its life is unimportant compared to yours!!!! Trim off the burned and dead, and nurse it back to health. Maybe it needs a little bit of an impromptu clinic session too 🙂 xoxoxo it’s gonna be okay!!!!
I totally feel ya my guy has been in my ICU for over a month due to my own stupidity of replanting. I’m too embarrassed to share the details, but they do bounce back. Monster is currently out of the ICU but looks like shit and I have at lot of new growth. However lesson learned I should have left it well enough alone!!! Hope u feel better soon and so will your plant!!’
This plant will rebound. It’s still got a healthy root system. Just the leaves have burned.
Dude boomers are the worst about that shit. Not necessarily just houseplants either, if anything “doesn’t belong” in their eyes it gets moved.
Girl… if you were almost killing yourself and the only thing harmed was a plant that will bounce back… I’d say you’re good.